There is no right or wrong to this question, just something I was thinking about the other night. If you are here, you have had to deal either with your own journey from one gender to another, or had a significant other going through it.

Knowing what you know and how you feel about yourself, how would you feel if your father came to you and told you he had always felt like he was a woman and was going to begin taking steps to become a woman? What about your mother doing the same but saying that she was taking steps to become a man? What if it meant that your parents would no longer be together?

There have been a couple of posts about a spouse deciding that they were the wrong gender and having to change, causing anything including confusion, difficulty in accepting what they are hearing from the spouse who is changing and fear of losing the person they thought they knew. We all want to be accepted for who we are and have others respect our feelings and support our decisions.

I don't know why I was thinking about this the other night, but it raised some questions in my mind. Not only would you be dealing with one parent's change, but also the feelings of your other parent's reaction and confusion. Though I hope I would be able to step up for my parents the way they stepped up for me, I have to admit it would shock me at first. No pressure here to answer, but I'd be interested in how others would initially react.

sam1234

If I EVER saw my father dressed as a woman, it would scar me for life. If my father had transitioned, I never would have understood, never would have accepted his femininity (though I'd have loved him and treated him with respect).

I only hope my own kids don't secretly harbor these same feelings. My son was pretty quick to be willing to see me as Suzi. When I came out of my room en femme, I used to announce it loudly to the house so my kids wouldn't have to see me, but after only a couple times, he decided he was happy to see me that way. My daughter was much slower, refusing to see me dressed as a female until her therapist told her that wasn't healthy. For the first month or two I was full time she refused to be seen in public with me.

Now we're closer than ever.

I couldn't deal well with change where my father was concerned. I think it was his 70th birthday and he shaved his beard off just to see what he looked like and it freaked me out. I told him to grow it back and never shave it again, lol. He had always had a beard for as long as I could remember and just that one change was too much. I'm amazed that he dealt with my transition so well before he died. We also lived together the last 13 years of his life.

Being trans I really wouldnt find it difficult to deal with. If I expect people to treat me properly and see me for who I really am then the least I can do is give the same in return. It may be difficult to change the perception of them we've built up but if that was who they really were then it wouldnt be a single problem. Im pretty sure I could switch name and pronouns straight away because really it comes down to respect. However 'difficult' it was for me to see them that way doesnt trump respecting someone. I dont control other people and I would never stop them from doing something to suit myself. Thats not me at all. I have a very small family, its just my mum, my sister, her husband, my gran and uncle. Lost my dad 7 years ago in an accident. If one turned out to be trans I have no clue how it would have affected their relationship and I wouldnt speculate on that. To me personally it wouldnt have bothered me. I would find it very hypocritical to be when I am trans myself

Maybe its a bit different for me idk. I've known my entire life who I really was I just didnt know the words to describe it. So personally I dont understand all the 'confusion' and difficulty people have with this topic. Its incredibly simple to me and always has been. This is only my perception, I cannot experience someone elses and see/feel what they do to understand theirs

I dont like the terms 'becoming a man/woman', we're not becoming anything, we already are. If thats who they actually were then they wouldnt be becoming that either, they always will have been just we didnt know it. All it means is an outward change of perception

Well my wife and I haven't told our 6-year-old daughter yet that daddy's actually a chick but I don't think it will be an issue.  I was wearing one of my wife's tops the other day while our daughter had a friend over.  Her friend saw me, pointed and laughed while shouting "Girl shirt! Girl shirt!".  The cool think was that our daughter was just staring at her with the most confused look on her face, obviously not understanding what her friend was freaking out about.

Then, a couple of nights ago, I was wearing a skirt for the first time.  As our daughter was getting ready for bed, I asked her what she thought of my outfit.  Her response (not kidding) was "Well... I think it would be great for shopping but it would make horrible pajamas".  I was totally dumbfounded. 

She knows what society considers to be "girl clothes" and "boy clothes" yet she has absolutely no curiosity about me dressing in "girl clothes".  My wife and I were talking about this and we're convinced that she will be the easiest person we have to explain this to.  She is such a rad kid.

Well, at least I'd finally understand why my parents have been so miserable for most of their adult lives. It would be a relief if transitioning could make them happier. It would be odd at first because I'm so used to their current physical appearance but really it wouldn't be much different from having to watch them grow older, they would just be growing into themselves.

If my father were trans, I would chastise him even more for his conflicted but often negative feelings toward trans people.  Other than that, I wouldn't care.  I would do everything possible to keep my mother from medical transition; with her poor health, it would be borderline suicidal.  Otherwise, I don't care - it doesn't affect me.

Garry, my apologies if my choice of words was upsetting. The response I wanted, because I wasn't sure of my own, was having people look at the situation of finding out their parent was not the gender the person thought they were without figuring in that we are transgenders ourselves. It was an attempt to have people see through the eyes of their parents, who, in most cases are not transgenders themselves. Perhaps the wording was a little rough for some, but it was not meant to hurt feelings or imply that we, as transgenders, were anything but the gender we identify with.

I appreciate everyone's honesty in answering this question. The other night when I had been turning it over in my own head (those nights when a thought won't let you sleep), it bothered me to find that  had either of my parents come to me with what I came to them with, I would have had a difficult time. Its hard to admit that what I expected my parents to accept would have given me trouble. Obviously, it would some of you as well. After knowing that some of us, myself included, would have trouble with the very thing we so desperately want others we love to understand and accept, I feel less of a hypocrit and have that much more respect and gratitude for the way my parents handled the news that their "daughter" was their son.

sam1234

I would definitely be surprised. I would do my best to be accepting and supportive, but I have to admit it would be hard to get used to recognizing one of my parents who I've always known as my mom/dad my whole life as the opposite gender suddenly.

Quote from: sam1234 on May 02, 2015, 08:24:53 AM
Garry, my apologies if my choice of words was upsetting. The response I wanted, because I wasn't sure of my own, was having people look at the situation of finding out their parent was not the gender the person thought they were without figuring in that we are transgenders ourselves. It was an attempt to have people see through the eyes of their parents, who, in most cases are not transgenders themselves. Perhaps the wording was a little rough for some, but it was not meant to hurt feelings or imply that we, as transgenders, were anything but the gender we identify with.

I appreciate everyone's honesty in answering this question. The other night when I had been turning it over in my own head (those nights when a thought won't let you sleep), it bothered me to find that  had either of my parents come to me with what I came to them with, I would have had a difficult time. Its hard to admit that what I expected my parents to accept would have given me trouble. Obviously, it would some of you as well. After knowing that some of us, myself included, would have trouble with the very thing we so desperately want others we love to understand and accept, I feel less of a hypocrit and have that much more respect and gratitude for the way my parents handled the news that their "daughter" was their son.

sam1234

I understand that. I just see that said a lot and it annoys me. Nothing personal. If they really were that gender then they wouldnt be becoming anything, how we see it anyway. If seeing from a cis perspective though that tends to be how they view this stuff yes

I really cant say how I would be about it if I wasnt trans because I have no concept of what that is like since I've known my entire life there hasnt been a time I've seen things any differently. For trans people that realise later in their life than I did maybe I dont know but I have no idea it would only be guessing. I can say though I wouldnt be as understanding as I am now. Im only the way I am now because of what I've been through. Not having been through this I would most certainly be different and obviously lack the personal understanding that I have. I would probably struggle with it in that sense if I was cis with no concept of being trans. I would hope I would be accepting though even if I didnt completely understand

if my father was still around and he said he was going to become my mom, i'd literally become a jumper right than and there though if my father was still around and from what i remember him as, i actually wouldnt be surprised as a matter of fact

Assuming my parents were still alive and either or both decided to transition, I don't think the transition per se would be an issue for me.  I cannot remember a time when I didn't feel with my whole being that the boys are X/girls are Y thing was an utter crock.

This doesn't mean I wouldn't have issues, but they would have had more to do with the poor relationship I had with them than with gender.  When I was young and couldn't avoid relying on them, I think it would have been a big problem -- for one thing, because with the attitudes in those days towards any sort of gender transgression, a parent changing gender would have made the entire family pariahs, but also because they were already so unreliable as parents, which would have only been worse if they'd also been dealing with a sex change.

Once I got out of the house and hundreds of miles away from them and could take care of myself and not rely on them for anything, I don't think it would have affected me very much.  I think I would have just shrugged and said "whatever."

I would like to believe that I would be completely understanding and considering I have had another relative already transition and I'm more considerate of calling them and treating them with the respect they deserve than many of our relatives are. However having said that I suppose I would never know until happens because in theory it can easily be one way and reality sometimes another as much I don't want to admit that.
Mariah

OK.. I am a transitioning Father, with kids and grandkids... The what and how will my family react is why at my time in life I hadn't yet... Because its me and not my Father, i would understand it if he had, but is that going to be the same for mine?

You have hit the nail right on the head Sam... Its these thoughts and questioning that slows down transitioners, until it becomes overwelming, then its throw caution to the wind and pray for miracles...

Thanks for labelling "trigger"

Luckily I ve always been stable, but often susceptable to over thinking...

L Katy 

I would give him as much support as possible. It does seem quite weird to think about it though, but only because despite my father's rather feminine nature, he has very strong gender-specific views. Like 'I'm a guy so I wouldn't know how you women would feel.'

If my dad was trans, he would have been a little bit like Kristin Beck, since he served in the Marines as an elite member of Amphibious Recon. If he had came out as transgender, I would have accepted him; he accepted me before he passed away in 2005, and he told me that he was proud of me. 

My dad won't talk to me, so there's that.

Quote from: katrinaw on May 03, 2015, 11:48:07 PM
You have hit the nail right on the head Sam... Its these thoughts and questioning that slows down transitioners, until it becomes overwelming, then its throw caution to the wind and pray for miracles...

I'll second that.