I believe that we make way too much of this notion that the perfect model of womanhood is to utterly blend in. Nobody is perfectly average, and everybody is unique. I don't think trying to run from our uniqueness - or even to regard it as a liability - is really what this is all about. From the very beginning, I have made authenticity to what I feel inside as the primary objective of my journey, and if that conflicts with blending in, it will be will the later that will be sacrificed.

For example, I am 6'3 1/2". My height is one thing that will never change, but I am not ashamed of it in the least. Of course, I could do a thing or two in my fashion choices that would down play it. Such as not wearing heels, or wearing longer and fuller dresses. But that would only have the effect of trying to temporarily camouflage a little what would be perfectly obvious when somebody focuses on me. So rather, I have decided to go the other way, and say in a very open way "this is who I am" and just own that as much as I can. I have pretty much followed that with everything that I have done in my transition.

Hi April Lee,

It sounds to me as though you have a very honorable, healthy approach to living life.  Honoring who we are as individuals and working with what we have to work with is really the best any of us can expect of ourselves.

You go girl!
Miharu

it's your life

I kinda of tried the same approach of simply doing things which I like, holding myself the way feels right and wearing what looks good on me AND feels comfortable. Ironically, it all ended up with me blending in, without even trying to...

I'm not trying to blend either. Deciding to transition was all about wanting to be fully truthfull with the world so I will not put on an act for anyone. I do what feels good and necessary to me. I always remind myself too that this transition is for me, not anyone else. If I end up blending that's fine, but it is not my goal. I want to be as fully realized a version of myself as it is humanly possible to be.

Hi April,
not so sure about this blending thing for me, I started way to late in life and have o so many tells,
I am very proud of who I have been becoming comparing me to my other self a few years ago this is an extreme improvement.
I was having coffee with the paster and his GF today, as I was talking about asking some people to come next sunday to worship he had stated that he would love to open the doors for all and they would be very welcome. She was looking kind of puzzled she asked why I would ask for permission so I explained, we have known each other for about a year, and she did not know I was transsexual until today, we had a great laugh. so even though I am very active in our small little town not everyone is aware. Blending or not it still about who we are that encourages people support, or so it seems. being true to ourselfs and our beliefs will carry me just as far as being stealth 

have a great day, I am

Thing is it's not a one size fits all solution. I prefer to blend because it helps me feel comfortable and happy. It doesn't make me less authentic and it doesn't mean I'm running away from anything. I'm glad that you've found a style and way of presenting yourself that works for you and I think it's great that you do that, but if people want to blend or pass or even live stealth then that's fine too.

Some day, I'd like to feel comfortable wearing a cute skirt, show a bit of a bulge, and feel okay about that.  Yes, I'm trans.  Deal with it!  Might feel differently next week.  We'll see.

I am one to believe that there are as many ways to be transgender as there are transgender people.   What works for one of us, works for one of us.   We all have unique situations and must adapt to them the best way we can in order to achieve our best possible outcomes.   

I applaud all of you for doing everything in your power to beat GD and pursue happiness.

Quote from: Squircle on May 04, 2015, 04:55:43 PM
Thing is it's not a one size fits all solution. I prefer to blend because it helps me feel comfortable and happy. It doesn't make me less authentic and it doesn't mean I'm running away from anything. I'm glad that you've found a style and way of presenting yourself that works for you and I think it's great that you do that, but if people want to blend or pass or even live stealth then that's fine too.

I certainly didn't mean to criticize or discount anyone for whom blending works. If that is what feels right to you then that is the authentic you.

Blend in? What's that? 

Hugs, Devlyn

My approach is simple. I just live my life. I don't advertise that I am trans but if confronted, I don't deny it either. Most people seem to not even realize that I am, which is nice.

My focus shifted a long time ago from worrying about passing to just being myself. Surprisingly, I pass more than ever but my focus is now on living, enjoying life, and on supporting and enjoying my friends. For me, that's plenty.

Quote from: Squircle on May 04, 2015, 04:55:43 PM
Thing is it's not a one size fits all solution. I prefer to blend because it helps me feel comfortable and happy. It doesn't make me less authentic and it doesn't mean I'm running away from anything. I'm glad that you've found a style and way of presenting yourself that works for you and I think it's great that you do that, but if people want to blend or pass or even live stealth then that's fine too.

I agree with you 100%. We each got to find our authentic way. But I have always interpreted blending in as being low profile. If that is one's authentic self, then that is what should they should seek. Yet as a one size fits all, I have trouble applying it to myself. I have had people suggest to me that my rather rebellious life style - and that extends way beyond my fashion choices - perpetuates negative trans stereotypes. Yet I know plenty of CIS women who are rather rebellious. That is the world in which I feel the most comfortable and which I now gravitate toward as I move along in my transition. I guess I am blending into the counter culture.

You do what you've gotta do. As a 6'3" woman there's not much blending in for me either. Mind you, I don't wear heels though...

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 04, 2015, 06:33:40 PM
You do what you've gotta do. As a 6'3" woman there's not much blending in for me either. Mind you, I don't wear heels though...

that would be pretty impressive, 6" stiletto's

No blending in for me!!!

I honestly don't care weather I blend in or not because in the end I can't just push a button and blend. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I think i'm looking cis or not, it is others that will make the judgement. All I want is to live a simple life as a woman be able and comfortable to travel with a F on my passport and ID. That's for me.
I don't want to draw attention to myself and I never outright out myself to others, I go with the flow and live my life.
Where I live there are plenty of trans activists and I see what kind of responses and comments they get, and I know that attention is not for me.
I personally find it best to hang around other girls as much as possible to get makeup tips and go shopping with as well as pick up mannerisms, also if you are in a group you feel safer and more confident. Unfortunately I know this is not possible for everyone.
Also where I live it is very windy so I'm often outside with pants and several layers on, and pretty much get misgendered everyday, that doesnt mean i'm any less a girl.

When I started transitioning my goal was to just blend in, but as much as I do blend in I still tend to sometimes purposefully out myself and I don't care that I have. I'm proud of who I am and I'm happy and that's what matters not blending in.
Mariah

I think the age difference makes it or break it with blending in. It's a far a different reality for us young transitioners. My goal was never to blend in honestly, it just sort of happened that way. For the longest time I presented andro but I later found out that wasn't for me.

Blending in is a big deal still since a lot of us in our teens/early 20s are trying to get our lives started and reach some sort of financial stability else we might find ourselves in terrible situations, especially if you're a trans woman of color. So blending in for us helps a ton in everyday society with finding a job and being independent. Not blending in just makes everything so much harder for us unfortunately. Again I'm saying this from a young transitioner's perspective.

Well, I have had a pretty frustrating, unproductive, and stressful day. I am headed to a local club to do a little dancing to put my head back together. I guess I am probably failing the blending in thing, but where I am going, the way I am dressed sort of seems to fit.