I was in Guadalajara recently for FFS and while there, I shared the recovery residence of Dr. Cardenas with another fascinating and wonderful woman. She was there for both FFS and BA.

On the Thursday before my departure on Friday, she and I both went in for removal of our last stitches. I had mine removed first then went downstairs for my light session, a process that Dr. Cardenas claimed helped minimize bruising and swelling, and it did seem to do so.

My friend then went in for removal of her stitches. She had drainage tubes removed from her breasts, and last stitches removed from her face. Standing up, she looked at herself in a full length mirror, face still bruised and swollen, wearing a special supportive medical bra. The doctor asked her if she was pleased with what she saw. She replied "I didn't believe this was possible."

Yet she later told me she was totally numb standing there. She didn't truly emotionally understand what she was looking at.

We all boarded the SUV for our ride home and Vicente, our driver, was focused on the road since it was late afternoon and rush hour traffic was just beginning.

About 10 minutes into our trip, she began to cry. Both Vicente and I tried to console her. And what was bothering her?

Emotionally it had finally hit her - in that mirror, despite bandages, bruising, swelling, she finally truly saw her female self. And it was emotionally cathartic. She broke into tears several times on the way home that day but they were tears of joy, of realizing, as she said it, "This is real. I can finally be me."

Much of our journey, far too much of it, gets ruled by our heads, trying to argue positions of logic and "rationality" to convince us that this is impossible, that we can't do it. In truth, it's not rational at all, but is instead rationalizations to refuse to face our fears.

If I can give any advice to each of you, listen first to your heart.  Heed your heart above your mind. Your heart knows what you want. Don't let your mind deceive you into not pursuing your dreams.


With love to all of you,

Cara

I had a little moment like that this morning , I have a full length mirror by my kitchen table . I was sitting there this morning with just my bra on and a little eyeliner and I saw myself and this unbelievable feeling of looking real as myself came over me and the sensation of wow.

I've got the images of Draco in Dragonheart saying, "Fight with your head, not your heart...", and Star Wars, (Happy May the Fourth/Revenge of the Fifth to everyone, btw) when Jedi fight with their hearts... they turn into Darth Vader... Fight with their heads, and they turn into grumpy old farts...

When the dysphoria is in the head... methinks the heart knows best as well. Good advice, Cara

Lovely story.

Yeah, I really enjoy that feeling. Once you get to a point where things are working for you it happens often but it never feels old.

There are a lot of things I have done in my life that at times i have regretted, but the one thing I've done that I have NEVER regretted was connecting the gender of my body to that of my mind.

Liz,
i would bet your friend never really saw the bruising. At least this time, her tears were those of joy and relief.

sam1234

Thanks for sharing as positive affirmation stories can be in sort supply sometimes. It is a monumental life epiphany when this happens that would be hard for a CIS person to top or understand for that matter. It is one of those moments that removes the doubt and fears and is a tremendous burden lifted of the sole and spirit that is driven by the heart ,\I am so happy for her and the courage it took to get there.