I was in a bad way late last week. I stopped my estrogen as of Friday trying to remind Sweetie how much better I am since I began it. By Saturday evening she understood. She didn't, however, understand why I had done it. I told her that she was more important to me than anything else, and I would give it up for her, but I had learned that I couldn't not transition and it was only a matter of time. She told me it had already gone too far, it's hard for her to look at me naked and she knew that it's irreversible. She also told me that she loves me, would always support me and would never abandon me. All of that is background.
Today, during her lunch break at work we planned out my final coming out to the three people I need to tell personally. She's sad, still mourning, and that makes my heart ache, but she's not in denial anymore and things will move forward. Neither of us can say what will happen when my transition is complete, but for now we're good and for that I'm grateful.Neither of us wanted this, but neither of us blames the other and we both want the other to have the best that's possible under the circumstances.
Not, perhaps, the result I would have most wanted, but certainly a livable one.
