(This may be a bit long, but I'll sum it up best I can because I want the advice.)

So I had a breakdown on Friday. More of an emotional release. The walls and dams that I use to hate myself and repress myself just snapped.

Personally, I blame Micheal's. (For those in different regions, Micheal's is an arts and crafts store.)

I went there with my best friend. We have been friends since we were 12 years old. We were looking for craft projects. She wanted beads, I wanted craft/scrap book paper for this art journal I've started making.

And in the middle of the store, I can feel my eyes start to well up. I was crying because I was doing something that was making me happy. This art journal is way for me to really truly express myself as Sarah Marie. It is a secret I keep from my very conservative family.

I composed myself for a bit and we left the store. But on the way back to her place, my friend could tell something was wrong. And in the middle of her room, I just broke down and lost it. I just cried and cried and cried and cried.

But here is the thing. While I was doing this (you know trusting another human being with my emotions and reaching out instead of repressing and not letting anyone in), I was mentally yelling at myself. For being a human being with emotions and feelings. Safe to say I have issues. Lol.

But I am glad to have had this happen. Not only has it brought my friend and I closer (she was the first person I came out to as a gay man and the first person I came out to as trans). I think it means that I am ready to start trusting people in the real world. Or at least look into therapy for starting something. And that is a wonderfully positive and amazing thing.

For those who want to skip, TL;DR - I had a breakdown in an arts & craft store and at a friend's house which has led to a positive reflection of myself.

Congratulations on your break through I would say your best bet is to find a therapist near you and try to get more of this off your chest. Start working your way through it so you can decide the best way to move forward with your life.

Congrats on the positive reflection. I agree with emyrinth that a therapist would be good thing at this point. Hugs
Mariah

Quote from: emyrinth on May 11, 2015, 11:28:21 AM
Congratulations on your break through I would say your best bet is to find a therapist near you and try to get more of this off your chest. Start working your way through it so you can decide the best way to move forward with your life.

I took today off from work as a mental health day to focus on me. And not to feel bad about it either. I'm looking at therapists at the moment as well. Just looking though. Not sure when I want to make that leap.

We all need mental health days as to the therapist I pretty much recommend people see one anyway periodically just to have someone who is non-judgmental to talk to. Someone that you never have to interact with again if you don't want to. They help you work through a lot of things not just gender issues, and even with a gender therapist you don't need to stick to just that topic or even open with that topic and talking about it doesn't automatically mean you have to physically DO anything about it or change your approach to life. Its just a safe place to talk.  No pressure though you know your life better than anyone and we'll always be here to support you as best we can.

Quote from: emyrinth on May 11, 2015, 12:12:38 PM
We all need mental health days as to the therapist I pretty much recommend people see one anyway periodically just to have someone who is non-judgmental to talk to. Someone that you never have to interact with again if you don't want to. They help you work through a lot of things not just gender issues, and even with a gender therapist you don't need to stick to just that topic or even open with that topic and talking about it doesn't automatically mean you have to physically DO anything about it or change your approach to life. Its just a safe place to talk.  No pressure though you know your life better than anyone and we'll always be here to support you as best we can.

I've got a lot of issues to unpack outside of my gender ones. I've kept so much stuff bottled up. But yes I love that about therapy, I can go and talk to someone without any judgement. And that taking time on me is the most important thing I need to do. Well outside of bathing and eating. Lol.

Lol! Me too!