I'm on the pre-everything side of things, and I am considering outing myself semi-deliberately to my mother so that I don't have to be afraid of her finding out and freaking out... she's supportive of almost everything that I've done in the past.

Hi Michelle, Yes a few subtleties, but either ignored, or put to one side awaiting the real coming out by the ones involved, and I don't hide my changing, now; eyebrows, body changes... I'm on HRT already, because I needed too.

I am only full out to one close friend right now, but 2 others are sort of aware.. Just not openly

Usually mothers are more tolerant than fathers, but there are no rules around that, only you can pick how to do it... Any very close siblings? Maybe talk to them about how you feel... Also if you can, go spend a little time with a gender therapist, it will help you.

L Katy 

Quote from: MichelleZelda on May 12, 2015, 10:48:41 PM
I'm on the pre-everything side of things, and I am considering outing myself semi-deliberately to my mother so that I don't have to be afraid of her finding out and freaking out... she's supportive of almost everything that I've done in the past.

I personally dropped a lot of hints to a lot of people so that they weren't so shocked whenever the reality of who I want to be surfaced.  I guess it did help, but I was still taken aback by how surprised everyone was.

Thanks guys I already tried to avoid anything about the hair by saying up front rather emphatically that I wasn't gay, told my mom about jeans I bought being women's jeans because it's impossible to find black guys jeans but over the next month it's gonna hit the fan likely.... two months for sure.

I never had to deliberately come out to my parents I can speak from deliberate stand point when it comes to them I did come out deliberately to a friend before starting and she knew I had to deal with this despite my trying to deny the fact at the time.
Mariah

I think it's easier to out myself deliberately so I don't have anything to hide and it'll be kinda like normal

At a more confused, and desperate time, I outed myself to a few "close friends" who did not receive it well. I've also come out to people under similar circumstances, with opposite results. One of the hardest parts about this, for me, is  not knowing. The only way to find out is to tell people, and the only person who can say what's right for you, is you. It's not easy, but you don't have to walk this path alone. Good luck on your journey, one day at a time is all you have to give.

~Maddy

I guess I have been slowing outing myself, the mental changes are significant and the physical side also. There come a time on HRT that you just don't care anymore. I have come out to over 35 close friends and business partners. The old male friends have had trouble accepting but the females have been great. There comes a point that you have to say bye to HIM and its a mourning process for me and has brought many tears

I never had the chance. My gf of 3 weeks outed me to my very conservative parents. It was a mess, absolutely horrible. Over a year later and we are still "adjusting" to everything.

I am getting slightly nervous  as to how my dad might feel when he catches wind of this... he tends to be a bit more conservative in general... but I'm hoping he sees this as a small of a change as possible so I don't completely wreck his worldview or anything. I'm thinking maybe I should hide for as long as possible from him because I'm kind of scared of him harming himself... I guess I have to just be mindful that most people assume gender as the simple male/female, black/white idea so ingrained into society.

I told my mom and dad with a letter with guidelines from my therapist.

Dad just stopped talking to me, mom is fully supportive, as are my brothers.

Work I just flat out told HR and my manager and gave them a switchover date.

Some coworkers are questioning but I've told a few. One of my coworkers is bordering on harassment but if I tell HR I out myself to him prematurely which I do not want to do. So for now I just lay low.

As for surprise? Most people were surprised. Colleagues? They kind of said that it all made sense now - the longer hair, weight loss and general change in appearance. People get so accustomed to you that when you change appearance gradually in front of them they really don't notice. New people who come here refer to me as "she" and "her" until someone "corrects" them or we get to know each other. Like this week for example I'm in training and the trainer referred to me in the feminine a few times before catching on.

So my plan now is I go away in June for surgery and when I come back I change my ID and I come out at work. In theory that should give people a clear picture of where I'm coming from.

I dropped hints on a couple of people. A co-worker of mine knew already when I told him because of the hints. I tried to help my sisters, but it didn't work. People either will or won't accept you. However people do change. Things are bad with my sisters, but have improved.

As for my official outing? It started by accident. I was pre-transition. Normally I would close the windows after 8:00 and change. One day I realized I forgot to close one of the windows when I was doing laundry. I said f*** it I don't care. The next day I wore a jeans skirt in public. I figured some people might see it as shorts instead of a skirt. It helped. Ultimately I had to make an announcement when a teenager decided to get in my face about it. I wasn't going to let him control my outing.

I'm pre-everything, and outed myself twice to my wife... deliberately... too quick... too soon... Everything's a process, but I wanted to leap to the finish line without taking the steps in between... (I still kinda wanna leap to the end...) not there yet, though.

Outed myself to a couple other close, trusted friends who are more than supportive. My therapist isn't quite sure yet, and that's okay... I'm not quite there yet anyway... which is frustrating. But, yes, outing yourself quickly would at least get balls rolling before... the balls start rolling away (ha...)

I outed myself to two very close friends and that's it. I needed someone to talk to and I took a gamble with the two people I thought would be most accepting and they were. Now I have two wonderful people I can B and moan to when things get rough, or just have an easy chat without hiding who I am for once.

Otherwise, I don't really plan on outing myself to anyone else until I can begin my transition. Family I think will wait until I've changed enough where it won't be a complete shock to them (some time on HRT, longer hair, Andro clothing) but for the rest of the people I know? I probably won't even tell them until I go full time. It might be a shock to many of them but I think I've finally come to the conclusion that if they can't accept me for who I am, then I don't want them anyway. If they eventually come around, great, but I also don't need people telling me I'm making a mistake, etc. I'd rather not give them the chance to try to say it.

I think I may have actually inadvertantly outed myself to my brother, and possibly therefore my mom, by +1-ing some things on Google+. At least a hint the size of a mountain if not outed. He may not have even seen it though and he will find out if I ask him about the social media, because I would rather not lie.

I'm gonna wait until I dye my hair I think to do anything for sure. Drop more big hints, I hate there being the elephant in the room. It's amazing how even I wasn't sure until the end of February, and then started to figure out that everything was always there.