So I have come out to over 30 plus people in the last few weeks. Most were female friends and some were males who only have know me since I started HRT, and all was good. So I came out to my dearest friend, Michael, whom I grew up with and I expected the worse. So we discussed it briefly over a lunch on Friday, but it was getting emotional so we stopped. The next day , he runs his family investments in my offices, he came out saying that over the weekend this disclosure hit him very hard and became so depressed that he stayed in bed on Saturday and he said he cried. He hates me for leaving him and that while he sensed a great change in my empathy, I had lied to him saying I took fincar for my prostate. He plainly stated that the person he knew and his dearest friend was the old me, the supreme Alpha, with women, sports and business and that this was not me anymore. "Can't you just be a man and live your life thru as a male. TG is just a mental fantasy".
It was an emotional train wreck for me, despite all my preparation that this would be his view, I had hoped for the best. The next day I wrote him a long note of 3 pages describing my process and that this was NOT a sickness but the real me and it was genetic. I'm hoping he can process this but I am prepared for the worst. I know his views will reflect my male friends, I was the ultimate Alpha male, my friends admired my maleness and many lived their male lives thru my adventures of women, Ironman, Club Champion in Golf, show Jumping Champion of my city state etc.. The shock of this will challenge their maleness and for them I believe like MIchael, the easy solution is to just abandon me. I guess I may have done the same...
It has hit me hard, my first rejection but thats life, I must live for myself and no longer for others.

Hi WLM

It sounds as if your friend may have expecially strong feelings about you, perhaps beyond those which he is explicitely expressing?   

I can understand the shock of seeing someone so strongly male coming out with something so opposed to this view.  As much as I hate making reference to popular TV, the Bruce Jenner case seems similar to your story.

I don't at all thing think that things are lost.  People's perceptions of you are not necessarily cast in stone, and everyone can adapt, if they want to adapt.  I don't want to hazard any suggestions other than to recommend that you both try to lighten up, give each other time for some acceptance, and explore how your relationship could evolve into something different.

Regards
Julia

Warlockmaker. I'm sorry your friend had this reaction. It's amazing how some can be fooled by how we were all those years that comes as a real shock and as a result they don't believe or want no part of it. I had a friend when I first came out who was equally shocked to the point that he made me prove who I was and made me answer a battery of questions to prove it. Eventually I used an event from the past that I knew only a handful of people actually knew about and described the events from my point of view. I can only hope you friend comes around in the meantime after the shock fully wears off. It's amazing how we try to see with our eyes and not our hearts. If we only could all see with our heart instead it would make it easier I would think. Good Luck and Hugs
Mariah

hugs Warlockmaker, so sorry for the knock you must have taken, whilst you can prepare for the worst, you never really do or can accept it... It is hard on people very close to you, they probably need some time and space to get their heads around what just happened, don't give up on him, yet... but plan ahead with your life and journey...

Fingers X'd that he can find the heart and mind to accept your new life...

L Katy   

I am still in the closet to everyone but my wife.  Last weekend I hosted a get together at my place with the five guys I hung out with all through high school.  In the 35 years since high school, we have gotten together anywhere from once a year to several times a year depending on what is going on in everyone's lives.

I was always the youngest in the group by anywhere from several months to two years, and always kind of the low man on the totem pole.  I was the smallest and geekiest in this collection of geeky guys, and even got picked on some within the group when we were young (but no bullying, mostly good natured ribbing that only occasionally turned a little mean).  This was my first time hosting.

My wife and I are not strangers to hosting events, and we put out a full spread of food, I heated the pool for anyone who wanted to swim, there was an Xbox for the three teenage sons that came along, we Skyped with a high school buddy who now lives in another country, and we went bowling at a local alley.

Even so, there were little gripes about the quality of the bowling alley, why we weren't going out for food, and other little things.  And there were jokes made around the table about Bruce Jenner.

Afterward, my wife said, "You can't come out to these guys."

And she is right, for now.  If/when I transition, it is going to destroy the group, by forever altering the group dynamic.  I realize that I am bottom dog, rather than alpha dog, but some guys just have to have that hierarchy, and when you become a girl in their eyes, they lose their comfort zone and it troubles them.

Some guys, particularly younger ones, don't have a problem with that, but among the older set, it is a real problem.

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...

there are quite a few people who even overdo gender roles until they find out its not them... so there are quite a few others...

you will essentially be the same person, with the same sense of humour etc...

its not contagious but a condition developed before birth... a fear they might have...
if they need something to read, since males often love to read about scientific evidence, here is an article:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,186458.msg1664590.html#msg1664590

they might have restraints because of what other might think... well its quite a few transgender people now, people get slowly used to it...
and its nobodys faut, neiter yours nor someones upbringing nor the internet or whatever.... its simply a biological condition...

well wish you a good outcome...


hugs

You might turn into a strong alpha female after your reassignment surgery is complete. If the old friends don't accept you move on to a new crowd of girls, especially other trans women. This reminds me of the Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner case. People respected him for being a strong alpha man an he turned into a strong alpha female. I guess the same for you.

Thanks Jake. I will be a strong Alpha female, I dont really have a choice as I still will run a portion of the family business. I'm also surrounded by alpha females in my family starting with both sisters who,  suprisingly, have been immensely supportive. For friends I have oover 10 very close female friends and I do know a few TG  but not in my city.

The Jenner story has been fortunate for my situation, its kinda "in" to be TG. I know many may dsiagree but it has really changed how so many percieve us in a very positive manner. So many in the past thought all TG s were hookers, perverts etc., we are normal people .....

Quote from: warlockmaker on June 04, 2015, 09:47:00 PM
The Jenner story has been fortunate for my situation, its kinda "in" to be TG. I know many may dsiagree but it has really changed how so many percieve us in a very positive manner. So many in the past thought all TG s were hookers, perverts etc., we are normal people .....

This is undoubtely true.  I'm not much into the whole reality TV thing, but if someone revered such as Jenner becomes part of the team, and in such a public way, it very much does help us in generating positive awareness.

The flip side, of course, is that it also generates unrealistic expectations inside our own community about what is achievable, but I think the benefits strongly outweigh the negatives.

Some people love making everything about themselves. So 'nice' of your friend to worry more about himself than how you've been feeling all these years working through the need to present as someone you are not. Sure he's going to have feelings about the process but it sound like he really has his head up his backside.

BTW, I kind of hope that being trans is never considered to be "in" because that kind of makes it seem like people are just jumping on some bandwagon when they come out. I would like to think that acceptance for trans people would be the thing that is "in", and that trans people feeling it is safe to come out and seek treatment is "in", and that better health care is "in". Being trans can't be "in"... being trans is simply who we are.

Well said Grace....