I'm on the path to GRS and I'm totally sure that once I make the final decision and lie on that table there will absolutely be no regrets. I've lived with this way too long to turn back so I know once its done I'll have fulfilled a life long dream and I'll find peace. I was just curious of those who plan on doing GRS if you have any totally sure way mentally that you know your doing the best thing possible.

Stephanie, I know it is hard to hear this but there is no such thing as a sure thing. It's going to have to be a leap of faith.

That said it is natural to want reassurance. If as you said you live with this all your life and this is your destiny then maybe it is. Only you can tell.

My plan is to wait 2-3 years and continue therapy during that time. I had a long talk with my therapist today about GRS and she said that it seems like I'm a good candidate but only I can determine if I want and need it.

I have a few things that tell me I am not going to regret it. One of which is that I'm already infertile.
The other is that I'm already changed in so many respects so why not?
And finally I always say it is always worth going all the way if you can.

I appreciate your reply

The only thing one can do to prevent regrets is to be 100% honest with yourself prior to surgery (mine is mid Nov, in just 5 months!!). Consider how you feel now about the male parts; work those feelings with a fine-tooth comb, finding any hint, any suggestion, why you might have regrets. (And also look at any hint that you won't have regrets. Are they valid or invalid?)

I would think that people who regret are those with severe complications (mostly prevented by following the adequate and thorough post-op instructions, although sometimes the complications are beyond one's control), or those who were all Pollyanna-ish "La la la la...I'm getting The Surgery, la la la la..." without any concern for regrets.

And finally, like iKate said...ultimately it's going to have to be a leap of faith. But in the meantime, be sure to address any specific concerns you have.

Beth really hit this on the nose Stephanie. There is no such thing as a sure bet, but the closest thing is to be completely honest with yourself. Anytime we deal with something this big were almost always going to have doubts in are minds which is completely normal too. You will know when you have reached a decision you can live with. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

thanks, I'm work more on this subject with my therapist and I might be working with a Psychiatrist from the same hospital group so I can get my referral letter. I'm planning on a little over a years time to totally thrash this out so I should be fine. It has been a dream of mine for a very long time though. Thanks for all the help, I'd be lost without Susan's.

I'd agree with the above, while there is never a 100% guarantee you will not be disappointed (not just for GRS but anything) the likelihood of being satisfied will be higher if you are honest with yourself, do not have astronomical expectations, are aware of the limitations of the final product (verses an actual vaj) and understand the procedure/recovery.

thanks

Like others, I think there's no guarantees in life; we could come to regret basically any decision we ever make. Since that means it's impossible to be certain of any decision and it's also impossible NOT to ever decide things, we just have to take it on faith that we're doing the best we can.

That said, I think there's some definite issues that might point *to* possible regrets, including getting GRS despite not wanting it for oneself (which sounds obvious, but I do know one woman who got it purely to satisfy state requirements and another whose boyfriend pushed her hard, and both ended up regretting it).

You seem pretty sure, and that's all you can ask of yourself.

thanks

Only reason I could figure a transwoman would fear SRS is the fear of it being done wrong and having complications. I'm curious what are these disadvantages of post op vaginas ^^ besides not having all the necessary means to birth children? I always thought a post op vagina done by an experienced surgeon utilizing abundant flesh etc was just as sexually sensitive and would eventually maintain a natural vag balance overtime anyway. I know they have to be dilated 2-3 times a week at first then like 1 a week for the rest of the life of the transwoman. I'm curious because within a few years I'll be getting mine.

I think the regret or non-regret value of GRS is why you have it done. If it is for your self, yur decision and thought through there should be few problems.

If you have GRS because it is the 'natural' next step you may have regret. You and every woman is no more or no less a woman whether she has had GRS or not.

Oh and many woman have some level of depression following GRS, very similar to woman who give birth can have some depression following the arrival of her child. It is a life changing event for both groups of women.

My psychiatrist did suggest that I make an appointment with her for 2 months after surgery to talk through any concerns. It was a sensible suggestion.

I can't really understand why a transwoman would want to keep a penis on her body? It seems counter intuitive to her identity as a woman to me. It's similar to a foreigner wanting to become a citizen of another nation but only to a point. I know transwoman lack the uterus and the ovaries making natural children impossible after the fact but even then estrogen and t blockers nullify penis function anyway. What is there to miss about the broken penis and balls if you identify as 'female' who innately have no balls. I don't hear any cis women happy to be ciswomen or just don't give their sex a second thought wishing they had a dick or balls, why would a transwoman who wants the female form want to keep her penis then(which is not female?) Granted the neovag is not a natural one *obviously* but it is as close to physical womanhood as an mtf with dysphoric feeling will get.

Quote from: ClaireIvene on May 16, 2015, 03:29:17 AM
I can't really understand why a transwoman would want to keep a penis on her body? It seems counter intuitive to her identity as a woman to me. It's similar to a foreigner wanting to become a citizen of another nation but only to a point. I know transwoman lack the uterus and the ovaries making natural children impossible after the fact but even then estrogen and t blockers nullify penis function anyway. What is there to miss about the broken penis and balls if you identify as 'female' who innately have no balls. I don't hear any cis women happy to be ciswomen or just don't give their sex a second thought wishing they had a dick or balls, why would a transwoman who wants the female form want to keep her penis then(which is not female?) Granted the neovag is not a natural one *obviously* but it is as close to physical womanhood as an mtf with dysphoric feeling will get.

While I am happy for your choices, I will not have any women's choices invalidated on this forum.

Quote from: ClaireIvene on May 16, 2015, 03:29:17 AM
I can't really understand why a transwoman would want to keep a penis on her body? It seems counter intuitive to her identity as a woman to me. It's similar to a foreigner wanting to become a citizen of another nation but only to a point. I know transwoman lack the uterus and the ovaries making natural children impossible after the fact but even then estrogen and t blockers nullify penis function anyway. What is there to miss about the broken penis and balls if you identify as 'female' who innately have no balls. I don't hear any cis women happy to be ciswomen or just don't give their sex a second thought wishing they had a dick or balls, why would a transwoman who wants the female form want to keep her penis then(which is not female?) Granted the neovag is not a natural one *obviously* but it is as close to physical womanhood as an mtf with dysphoric feeling will get.

Your comparison to a foreigner doesn't exactly fit.  Think of this instead: a person moving to another nation to become a full citizen but still feels comfortable with keeping the traditions and customs of his or her old country.

Many transfolk are transgender because they are dysphoric.  If, during their journey, their dysphoria alleviates, then mission accomplished!  No matter what your body looks like when that mission is accomplished, it's still accomplished.  You've won at that point.

Personally, I plan on going through with operation because it's a major source of dysphoria for me.  But if my HRT (which I just got today, wooo!) leaves me in a place where I'm content, I may change my mind.  I'll continue my journey until I've won.  I may win before GRS is necessary or I may not.  Either way, I'm going to win this.

It's not so black and white.

I came to terms before SRS that I simply could never know what it was going to feel like. Would I regret it? Entirely possible.

But if I didn't get it, would I regret that decision? Yes. Of that I was certain.

At some point you just have to hope you've made the best choice you can and go with it. There' no certainties in life, apart from it passing by. And while it's not quite the same the one regret that I keep hearing again and again, and suffer from myself, is not transitioning earlier. It seems we're far more likely choose and regret inaction rather than action.

Quote from: ClaireIvene on May 16, 2015, 03:29:17 AM
I can't really understand why a transwoman would want to keep a penis on her body? It seems counter intuitive to her identity as a woman to me.

Not sure how to put this without causing any offense, but let me put this another way. I personally don't understand "why a man would want to become a woman", and yet here I am, M2F. It just is, and I've had to accept it. The transgender spectrum is wide indeed and there's some "odd" things people want far outside of even that. If I can't even understand myself what hope is there of understanding anyone else? I can accept it though.

Quote from: stephaniec on May 15, 2015, 10:41:47 PM
I'm on the path to GRS and I'm totally sure that once I make the final decision and lie on that table there will absolutely be no regrets. I've lived with this way too long to turn back so I know once its done I'll have fulfilled a life long dream and I'll find peace. I was just curious of those who plan on doing GRS if you have any totally sure way mentally that you know your doing the best thing possible.

Hi Stephanie, I've just got my second referral so I'm also moving towards surgery now. I think it's totally natural to have nerves, I've sometimes thought to myself 'is this the right thing to do?' but I always come to the conclusion that I need to do it.

Quote from: Cindy on May 16, 2015, 03:11:43 AM
Oh and many woman have some level of depression following GRS, very similar to woman who give birth can have some depression following the arrival of her child. It is a life changing event for both groups of women.

My psychiatrist did suggest that I make an appointment with her for 2 months after surgery to talk through any concerns. It was a sensible suggestion.

After my FFS I had a prolonged period of depression. I wasnt expecting it or prepared for it and it wasnt until afterwards that I realised it was post surgical depression. I expect I might have a similar spell after GRS, so I think it's good to be prepared for that and to have some support in place.

Quote from: ClaireIvene on May 16, 2015, 03:29:17 AM
I can't really understand why a transwoman would want to keep a penis on her body? It seems counter intuitive to her identity as a woman to me.

There are many reasons why. It's not something that works for me; I regard that part of me as a horrible remnant of who I was, and like you say intrisically male. But thats one of the ways my dysphoria manifests itself, and it won't be the same for everyone. Having major surgery is a big decision and comes with a lot of consequences and some people don't feel the need; it doesn't make them any less female, and what's between someones legs is ultimately their business. On top of that are the people who can't have the surgery for medical reasons, or financial reasons, and then it becomes clear why we place such importance on a persons gender not being defined by their genitalia.

Quote from: ClaireIvene on May 16, 2015, 03:29:17 AM
I can't really understand why a transwoman would want to keep a penis on her body? It seems counter intuitive to her identity as a woman to me. It's similar to a foreigner wanting to become a citizen of another nation but only to a point. I know transwoman lack the uterus and the ovaries making natural children impossible after the fact but even then estrogen and t blockers nullify penis function anyway. What is there to miss about the broken penis and balls if you identify as 'female' who innately have no balls. I don't hear any cis women happy to be ciswomen or just don't give their sex a second thought wishing they had a dick or balls, why would a transwoman who wants the female form want to keep her penis then(which is not female?) Granted the neovag is not a natural one *obviously* but it is as close to physical womanhood as an mtf with dysphoric feeling will get.

I can only speak of my experiences, standard disclaimer.

As a citizen of the USA not born here I cannot be president unless the constitution is amended. This is not likely to happen. So I'm stuck with that. I had a green card for a while and that got me most of the benefits except being able to vote, hold federal jobs and a few other things. I know people who are perfectly happy this way. So yes, some people are happy keeping their status one way. Just like some trans women are happy keeping their old parts.  That is their choice and we should respect them as people.

With regard to GRS, a few things are holding me back.

I'm afraid of major surgery. Not waking up is a fear I have. That said I'm working my way up via small procedures. SRS has the possibility of complications such as a fistula. Do I really want to have to walk around with a colostomy bag for the rest of my life? I really dread that thought.

Pain and discomfort. I've heard everything from "not a big deal" to "mother of god I went to hell and back." This is something I will have to deal with. I'm no stranger to pain though.

Maintenance. I kind of dread having to dilate every day for life. Some have said that it will only be once a week after a certain point. I hope so. But this scares me that I will be chained to this until they put me in the oven and back to ashes I go.

Better procedures and tech, particularly stem cell research. Aka keeping your options open. I am not sure if medical science will have a procedure that is much closer to a cis female vagina using stem cells or similar. I'm watching this keenly. But if it's far off I may just go ahead and get GRS. Why wait? This ties into the dilation issue. If they can get the dilation issue resolved then I would be ecstatic.

So yes some of us have concerns. This is not a decision to be taken lightly at all. It is also not a given.