Yesterday I had probably my best therapy session ever, second only to when I was talking about my mom accepting me.

GRS was one of the key topics. I explained that as I progress along I love myself in the mirror and love how I look. I also said that I loved everything except what's between my legs. I also said that I never really did have strong genital dysphoria but now it is becoming stronger and I see GRS as the only way out. So in a few years it is likely that I will get it.

This is almost 6 months on HRT and I'll be full time relatively soon.

When did your need for GRS become clearer in your mind?

Mine over the last few months has been hitting me like a ton of bricks, probably has to do with summer weather and the lack of clothing options due to downstairs parts.   To be totally honest, I could care less if its traditional GRS, I'd settle for having it all removed and looking like a Barbie doll down there just to get rid of the unwelcomed male parts.

Hm... I dreamed about the actual surgery and the recovery period as well as dreams about just being a cis girl.

I do want some depth though, to preserve my ability for future relationships. Maybe not really deep but deep enough.

Two weeks ago I was like, nope, don't need it. Now I'm starting to waffle about it. I haven't even started HRT yet!  So, I'm not definitive yet, but I want to look good in a bathing suit without needing to tape and pray.

I have known since begining my transition hat I needed to, but the final nail in the coffin was at the last electro session. The repulsion for what I have is stronger now than it ever has been so for me I have no doubts that this is for me.
Mariah

I don't have genital dysphoria, and haven't for many years. Quite a different from twenty years ago. I can look at myself in the mirror now and not feel shame or disgust or anger or despair. Despite that I still feel the need for GRS, I need to feel complete. I know I am a woman and that GRS isn't going to change that, but I still need to do this. So when did I decide I need? From well before I realised I was trans.

Visiting the lady board 

I've noticed that my need for lower surgery did not really exist prior to having other things taken care of. I was unhappy about it, but it was manageable because no one else had to see it. As soon as I was passing 100% on HRT, I needed top surgery. Now that I've had top surgery, I need bottom surgery. It's the only thing left that feels wrong with me. Now it's just a matter of paying for it.

I was pretty comfortable with what I had down there initially (even willing to use it for sex), but the more my body began to look "right" otherwise, the more it started to bother me. I was sure I wanted GRS by a few months into HRT (which would've been around 9-10 months into transition?), although then I had to wait another 2 years to save up the money.

When I first realized I was trans almost 20 years ago I was all for the idea of GRS. As years went by without moving forward with transition the priorities were changed and GRS moved down the list and I was uncertain that I would ever want it. But as I'm moving forward the feelings from my youth came back and sometimes I really feel that despite the fact that I don't have genital dysphoria I'll need it.

I've always wanted to be shaped like a female. I never thought I could have SRS because I wasn't trans (so I thought) and wouldn't want to live for a year as a woman.

When I first began contemplating going full time the thought popped into my head that if I could keep it up for a year, I would be eligible for SRS. I wasn't serious about it, but it was an idea I was playing with, so much so that I planned my entry into full time so that I could get SRS at the beginning of the summer and have the whole summer to recuperate before returning to work.

When I was at the Philly Trans Health conference, on a lark, I went to a workshop on SRS given by Dr. Kathy Rumer. I was really impressed with her and I thought she really understood trans people and why we wanted to change our bodies. I got a private consult with her and I asked whether I was too old, and she said no, many of her patients were around my age. She answered all of my questions with patience and understanding and sent me a no-obligation quote.

At that point I had been on hormones for long enough that I had a deliciously feminine figure, but I had these dangly bits hanging down in the middle of it.

I was also on Spiro and was nervous about what it could do to my liver, so I started thinking about an orchi. But I thought, if I'm going to go into surgery, shouldn't I wake up with the bottom I really want?

I did a lot of soul searching and finally decided that I didn't want to die never knowing what it felt like to have a female bottom. I could be OK as a non-op, but I decided life isn't about being OK, it's about experiences, and being female shaped was an experience I didn't want to miss.

At first, I wasn't too keen on SRS...but I'd guess by the year-and-a-half mark I was thinking about needing it, from increasing dysphoria and knowing I needed girl parts.

my therapist explained it this way to me, why not be happy.

I had always struggled to deal with those bits being there and always wanted them gone. When I was a teen and first started to accept myself and move toward transition, I knew that was a part of my future. But then two decades of denial took over. The struggle didn't end of course. A few months or so before I reached self acceptance of being trans I had fully accepted that I needed my male bits gone. I dove right in to full time for many reasons but one of them was getting the 12 months of full time my insurance requires for SRS under way.

i'm indifferent to my boy bits. right now i'm not really sure. if you'd ask me about 7 years go, i said it would be a life or death situation if i didnt get it

Since the day I committed to living authentically I knew SRS was in my future.

Quote from: ftmax on May 16, 2015, 09:12:55 AM
Visiting the lady board 

I've noticed that my need for lower surgery did not really exist prior to having other things taken care of. I was unhappy about it, but it was manageable because no one else had to see it. As soon as I was passing 100% on HRT, I needed top surgery. Now that I've had top surgery, I need bottom surgery. It's the only thing left that feels wrong with me. Now it's just a matter of paying for it.

You know max, you're spot on brother. Now I have little problem passing (and I've accidentally outed myself a couple of times in fact) and that is helping drive it for me. I mean I watch in the mirror, see the hairless face, hairless body, breasts, curves and then I see my extra equipment and it all breaks down for me.

Quote from: stephaniec on May 16, 2015, 01:47:48 PM
my therapist explained it this way to me, why not be happy.

Mine said that she expected it more or less and most women who are waffling tend to get serious around when they go full time.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on May 16, 2015, 08:45:09 AM
I have known since begining my transition hat I needed to, but the final nail in the coffin was at the last electro session. The repulsion for what I have is stronger now than it ever has been so for me I have no doubts that this is for me.
Mariah

It was always at the back of my mind but I figured I could avoid yet another painful surgery and dilation for life but now I see I have no choice.

I went full time and everything just fell into place, like being dealt 4 aces