today i'm having a blah day. i didnt even want to post today but i'm forcing myself to do so before i lose it. since my mind cleared up, i just realized how miserable and angry i am. its muky outside, cold, everyone else is off doing whatever so here i am. sitting in my chair. blah! i wish i could just go to sleepy but i'm not tired and its frustrating

I sympathise. I thought I could handle it but these days have been bad. When I'M with others I may feel like crying really bad but later when I'm alone this vanishes and I can't cry. sucks.

Hugs, and good thoughts. Hang in there. I hope you can come to see the dark thoughts for the illusions they are.

its like i want to cry right now, but i just can't. feels like i'm back i square one. its not even depression for that vanished day one after i started my meds. i guess its still the crap with my family, and worrying about how to catch up with my bills, and work and school in the fall and crap with my other situation which i hope is going on the right path so i can get that out of my life. than its trying to figure out what i'm going to do in the long run. ugh! its like someone shot me now and end this misery.

How are you with prayer? I'm not sure about god, so I pray to my inner strength. I ask only for the wisdom to know what needs to be done, the strength to do it, and then when I've done all that, the peace that comes from knowing I've done my best.

Can you pray to your inner spirit for the wisdom to know what you need to do today (not tomorrow, not a month from now, but just today), the courage to do it, and the peace to let everything else go?

This often works for me. I hope it helps - it's what I've got...

every time i try to pray, i get the sense of being knocked up side the head but maybe that was before. i can sure give another whack at it and see how it is.

oh and i had a somewhat deep conversation with my therapist yesterday. although i'm happy, i still have yet to come close to discovering who i am. my whole identity issue took a turn for the worst because now its like "well now that your head is finally clear, tell me, who are you?" i've spent all day trying to rack my head around that question. i've gone through my personality, my ideology, my past, what i am today, my goals, dreams, wishes, desires etc etc and no matter how hard i try, i draw a blank. i need a vacation 

kinda beginning to feel I don't fit in anymore. its like I find my niche and than I get the aching feeling as if I don't belong there so I go find another niche and the story just repeats itself.