Im at a point where, I don't care if I pass; I don't care if I get discrimination; I don't care about anything except getting on hormones. I need NEED to have them so I can feel like more like me. I just don't care about society anymore. Has anyone else reached this point?

Quote from: Ravenna on May 23, 2015, 08:06:49 PM
Im at a point where, I don't care if I pass; I don't care if I get discrimination; I don't care about anything except getting on hormones. I need NEED to have them so I cant feel like me. I just don't care about society anymore. Has anyone else reached this point?

I feel your pain Ravenna.  I'm not  that far off from feeling cold/hollow because I don't feel right with myself at this current time!   I still have two weeks before  I see my Doctor to discuss my transitioning and even scratch the surface of it, which needless to say means more small, emotional torture.  I'm trying my best to keep my head up and bare through the burden.  Many here are helpful and supportive, so I at least have some small semblance of being together.  I'm distracting myself with music, books and games right now and I can somewhat lose myself in that focus.  Wish ya the best hun!

*hugs*

good luck with your doctor <3 my appointment is Tuesday... Im gonna ask for an endocrinologist referral. He doesn't know im trans yet 0.0 my therapist thinks it should be alright

patience my little grasshopper , it took me 40 years after the first tug of pain to have the wonder pill.

Quote from: Ravenna on May 23, 2015, 08:34:17 PM
good luck with your doctor <3 my appointment is Tuesday... Im gonna ask for an endocrinologist referral. He doesn't know im trans yet 0.0 my therapist thinks it should be alright

Thanks sweetie, my heart keeps skipping beats as the days tick down.  Probably the biggest change and decision of my life currently and I feel like the rest of time is moving super fast while that aspect is trying to catch up!

Keep us up to date on what goes on Ravenna and don't hesitate of message me if you need someone to talk with :]  I hope your referral goes like that *snaps fingers*.

I was at the same place you are now over twenty years ago and I can remember very well wanting to be on HRT like wanting to take my next breath.  It will happen Ravenna, step by step everything will fall into place.  I know being told to be patient is not something you want to hear, but that is really the best advice I can give.

Ravenna, HUGS!  I've been there.  Wait, I'm there right now!  [emoji4]  It's important to be yourself.  Good luck and remember you are not alone.

Quote from: Ravenna on May 23, 2015, 08:06:49 PM
Im at a point where, I don't care if I pass; I don't care if I get discrimination; I don't care about anything except getting on hormones. I need NEED to have them so I can feel like more like me. I just don't care about society anymore. Has anyone else reached this point?

Honestly I wish I was at that point as far as not giving a ->-bleeped-<- what other people think. I mean I have gone a long ways from where I was but I still could go farther.
I think this is actually a good attitude to have. Just be you f&#k the world if they don't like it.

Hope your doctor's appointment goes well.

you ladies are awesome !<3 wish we could have a tea party ^.^ heheh
good luck to everyone
I know it's hard to fix a medical problem when society has deemed it a social problem
medical as in our bodies have went the wrong way
well I rather listen to myself and my soul and my psychologist than a thousand  bigoted laymen

Quote from: Ravenna on May 23, 2015, 10:12:29 PM
you ladies are awesome !<3 wish we could have a tea party ^.^ heheh
good luck to everyone
I know it's hard to fix a medical problem when society has deemed it a social problem
medical as in our bodies have went the wrong way
well I rather listen to myself and my soul and my psychologist than a thousand  bigoted laymen

^u^ I'm a Tea addict, so we better have lots in stock :3!  I like to see it less of "fixing" something and more like reaching the final end of our self-discovering journey that no one should have any right to say something negative about, because EVERYONE has some sort of situation that relates to life changes.  But yes, listen to what feels right to you honey! Much kisses an love to everyone here.

I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I know I don't pass but am at the point where I wear short skirts and show off my legs to make myself feel better. I prefer to be borderline indecent but that's me . I'm getting used to the complements. Anyway, putting on my proverbial prophet hat, I see good things in your future. The wall has collapsed, as it did with me, and soon you will be able to move throughout life as the beautiful being you have always been. I look forward to hearing about your inevitable success.

Im gunna sound cliche but good  things some to those who wait and you will be gratefull when it does happen.... Here is a pre- high five girl.

Quote from: Ravenna on May 23, 2015, 08:06:49 PM
Im at a point where, I don't care if I pass; I don't care if I get discrimination; I don't care about anything except getting on hormones. I need NEED to have them so I can feel like more like me. I just don't care about society anymore. Has anyone else reached this point?

Yep I reached that point 3 years ago. My mom urged me to start hrt because I was becoming suicidal again. I had just came out to her after living part time for about 2 years. Long story short hrt saved me and life slowly but surely got better. Going into hrt I didn't care about passing or what anyone thought of me, I just wanted to be alright with my body and hrt gave me that peace. Testosterone had been slowly killing me both mentally and physically.

Ravenna,
when I began considering the possibility that I might be trans, I saw so many obstacles to my transition that it seemed impossible to reach the other side. The more I thought about it, the more reasons I found why I should or could not do it, or even try. Every reason brought its own fear with it.
It took me two years after that until I had finally managed to invalidate those reasons, come to terms with my fears and develop reasonable expectations for my transition and my life during that time and beyond.
The moment I knew that there was nothing to fear except what would become of me if I did not transition was when I decided to begin now, and not look back.

QuoteI'm at a point where I don't care if I pass; I don't care if I get discrimination; I don't care about anything except getting on hormones. I need NEED to have them so I can feel like more like me. I just don't care about society anymore.

Only you can know whether this means that you are ready to accept the future you are about to choose, ready to accept and love yourself, even if there will be imperfections, or whether you are hurting so much right now that all you want is a way out and you just can not see your concerns about the future as important because you can only feel your pain in the present.
If you still clearly see your concerns, but have come to terms with them, you may have made your decision and now be a girl beyond doubt. If this is so, you are on your way, and your hardest decision is already made. Your new life lies before you, and you will get HRT and everything that comes with it before you know it.

Lol oh yeah I've kinda reached that point. I didn't shave my legs yesterday and they're pale and I still went out in short shorts. I figure not giving a ->-bleeped-<- is part of passing.

And didn't anyone learn anything from Maude?

I past that point awhile ago as far as caring what others think. Yesterday it was put to the ultimate test. I had to take my mom to the ER and I just gotten out of the shower so I didn't have anytime to get ready as a result of her imitate medical need. This meant when they showed up I had no makeup on at all, which I didn't change after getting to the hospital even though I did have the makeup on me in my purse. Hair removal and hormones have helped in that regards but you look up close you can still see some without makeup. A big part of that is being comfortable in your own skin. I hope you get to that point where your able to not worry about what others think and just live as your authentic self finally. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

I wish I could say I don't give a f--k and just be me, but I've got family and work to consider, and of course my pregnant wife.

On the other hand, I'm so ready to start hormones, it's crazy, even if it's just a T-blocker!  I feel like all the puzzle pieces are in place and I'm at the starting line just waiting for them to wave the go-flag!  By that I mean I've gotten the therapist recommendation and now I'm just waiting for my endo appointment, in freaking November!  /sadface.  And I have no idea how long it'll take after that first appointment before I actually get a prescription!

Hurry up and wait...

I'm all out of bleeps to give myself.
So what if people at work see my chest? and long hair? Meh.

I was in therapy but not cross living when I was first able to get hormones. It was a very big day for me but I didn't even worry that i might have to hid developing bumps. As it turned out I had no need to worry because for a long time I seen men with bigger boobs that I had. On the other hand, my male chest was flat as a pancake with no male development so I enjoyed all the new growth.