That's more what I meant.  If I'm on the bus or shopping or visiting a church other than my own I'm just one of the older women.  The trouble is that most of the places I go it becomes relevant, or people already know me.  So often I'm just too much of an activist to keep quiet.

Yeah, me too. I planned on keeping my new Facebook profile "stealth" after I changed my name, but I already find myself sharing activism-related articles and thoughts quite often. It's quite interesting how, once I had announced the name change, the prospect of being out seemed so much less scary that "online stealth" didn't make much sense to me anymore. Obviously, the fact that transition takes up so much space in my mind makes it difficult not to "leak" at times, too!

I'm going to throw a wobbler.

I had lunch in a department store restaurant and I got "love" or "dear".
I had an eye makeover on a cosmetics boutique and the sales woman was very helpful and friendly and called me ma'am.
I bought some jewelry and had similarly friendly treatment.

No way was I passing with part of my chin red from electrolysis and the rest with two day's worth of stubble.  This is just a city where a trans woman is a woman.

Quote from: MaryXYX on May 22, 2015, 10:48:03 AM
I'm going to throw a wobbler.

I had lunch in a department store restaurant and I got "love" or "dear".
I had an eye makeover on a cosmetics boutique and the sales woman was very helpful and friendly and called me ma'am.
I bought some jewelry and had similarly friendly treatment.

No way was I passing with part of my chin red from electrolysis and the rest with two day's worth of stubble.  This is just a city where a trans woman is a woman.

That is all that I ask for, is just to be treated well by others, and passing is just icing on the cake.  I have reached a place in my transition where I am comfortable in my skin, so I don't focus on myself as much as I used to, which allows me to relax, and just be.

  EXCELLENT yes you're right.And that's so much fun

Cat

Quote from: StrykerXIII on March 11, 2015, 12:33:45 PM
A few days back on facebook, I came out in a group I was added to by a friend. Amid all the usual "what's trans?" and "so which one are you?", there were two comments that I'll never forget, both let me know I'm definitely passing:

From a male member of the group: "OH COME ON...I was drooling over your profile pic just now, and now I feel all awkward about it!" (that was the real tickler, he proceeded to add me and get a full explanation of what it meant to be MtF. He hasn't stopped using female pronouns ever since - he's a real doll <3 )

From a female member: "So wait...you're biologically a guy?"
Me: "Well, yes, in all technicality."
Her: "No boobs? No vagina?"
Me: "Nope and nope."
Her: "YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN I AM OMG I HATE YOU THAT IS SO MESSED UP!!!"

THAT, ladies, is how you know you pass - when a ciswoman loses her cool because she's jealous of your looks. 

Today was the memorial service for my mother-in-law who passed away in February being held in TN. Most of my wife's family had already seen me after I transitioned with mostly positive support. One of my wife's friends has a 7 year old daughter that has seen my twice since I transitioned but she never asked about my change even though she saw me a month prior to transitioning so we just let it go and she has just called me Ms Sydney. So tonight she asks if I was my wife's cousin because she thought we looked alike but I was much taller. Her mother wasn't sure what to say, so the subject got changed. So then she asks my wife, "What happened to your husband?" We weren't sure what to say, so we told her it was complicated and changed the subject. She then says "Don't change the subject mom, where did he go?" My wife and I are cracking up and we just said it was complicated. She runs into the other room thinking we were talking about adult things. So I tell her mother, tell her whatever your comfortable with. She apologized in that she hadn't thought of it, but she wanted to raise her child open minded. She calls her daughter back in. Here is how the conversation went:

7 Year Old's Mother: "Come over here so we can tell you what happened to her (my wife) husband."
Wife: "Sydney used to be my husband, but is now my wife!"
7 Year Old: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "I used to be her husband!"
7 Year Old: "No, your kidding me, that's not true."
Wife and 7 Year Old's Mother: "Yes, it's true, she used to be him."
7 Year Old: "I don't believe you, your teasing me."
Me: "Yes, it's true, I used to be him."
7 Year Old: "Wait, but your a girl!!"
Me (after being told it was OK to explain it from her mom): "I was born with a female brain and a male body, it's very rare, but it does happen. I decided to change my body to match my brain to be my true self, but yes I'm a girl."
7 Year Old: "Oh, that makes sense now. I wondered why you were always around her. (pointing to my wife.) I though maybe her husband was was hiding upstairs this whole time."
Me: "Do you have any questions about it?"
7 Year Old: "I like you much better as a girl and your very pretty. I want to be tall like you when I grow up."
Me: "Thank you, I like myself as a girl better too and being tall is pretty cool."

Of course she continued to gender me female the rest of the evening.

On a road trip and 2 days unshaven, you get walked by an employee to the hidden restrooms... Then as you walk through the double doors, he tells you "Ladies room is all the way at the end of this yellow line." I still don't get how I am getting gendered appropriately under circumstances like that.

Quote from: Sydney_NYC on May 28, 2015, 01:06:55 AM
Of course she continued to gender me female the rest of the evening.

Sydney that's awesome!

Quote from: JustASeq on May 28, 2015, 01:30:57 PM
On a road trip and 2 days unshaven, you get walked by an employee to the hidden restrooms... Then as you walk through the double doors, he tells you "Ladies room is all the way at the end of this yellow line." I still don't get how I am getting gendered appropriately under circumstances like that.

JustASeq, from what you said and looking at your picture, I would say your at total male fail!  Congratulations!  Go girl!

Quote from: Sydney_NYC on May 28, 2015, 01:06:55 AM
Today was the memorial service for my mother-in-law who passed away in February being held in TN. Most of my wife's family had already seen me after I transitioned with mostly positive support. One of my wife's friends has a 7 year old daughter that has seen my twice since I transitioned but she never asked about my change even though she saw me a month prior to transitioning so we just let it go and she has just called me Ms Sydney. So tonight she asks if I was my wife's cousin because she thought we looked alike but I was much taller. Her mother wasn't sure what to say, so the subject got changed. So then she asks my wife, "What happened to your husband?" We weren't sure what to say, so we told her it was complicated and changed the subject. She then says "Don't change the subject mom, where did he go?" My wife and I are cracking up and we just said it was complicated. She runs into the other room thinking we were talking about adult things. So I tell her mother, tell her whatever your comfortable with. She apologized in that she hadn't thought of it, but she wanted to raise her child open minded. She calls her daughter back in. Here is how the conversation went:

7 Year Old's Mother: "Come over here so we can tell you what happened to her (my wife) husband."
Wife: "Sydney used to be my husband, but is now my wife!"
7 Year Old: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "I used to be her husband!"
7 Year Old: "No, your kidding me, that's not true."
Wife and 7 Year Old's Mother: "Yes, it's true, she used to be him."
7 Year Old: "I don't believe you, your teasing me."
Me: "Yes, it's true, I used to be him."
7 Year Old: "Wait, but your a girl!!"
Me (after being told it was OK to explain it from her mom): "I was born with a female brain and a male body, it's very rare, but it does happen. I decided to change my body to match my brain to be my true self, but yes I'm a girl."
7 Year Old: "Oh, that makes sense now. I wondered why you were always around her. (pointing to my wife.) I though maybe her husband was was hiding upstairs this whole time."
Me: "Do you have any questions about it?"
7 Year Old: "I like you much better as a girl and your very pretty. I want to be tall like you when I grow up."
Me: "Thank you, I like myself as a girl better too and being tall is pretty cool."

Of course she continued to gender me female the rest of the evening.

This is way too cute!

When You are wearing zero makeup, jeans, top and denim shirt with rolled up sleaves and gumshoes (pretty much my avi), casually walking into cosmetics store, having a chat with saleslady and being gendered female, despite everything of the above-mentioned...

When you're at your nephew's birthday party, and one of the mothers asks if the relationship between you and your sister is sisters. After you reply yes she introduces you to her family as your nephew's aunty

When I saw someone who I hadn't seen in years in the store.  He hadn't seen me since before I grew my hair, and that was 2 years before transitioning.

I was trying to get something on the top shelf at the store.  He was getting the same item and asked how many I wanted.  I said 2.  He grabs them and says, "Here you go ma'am."

I said, "Thanks Pat."  He stopped and stared a moment in total confusion.  "My name's Tiffanie."  I smiled.

"Oh."  He grabbed his cart an walked away

I went to a wedding this weekend, and my aunt's ex's brother suddenly started to fear he had missed the fact that my mom and dad had three children, because he could not remember seeing me with them. Then, when my aunt started explaining that I had transitioned, he asked her why I wasn't there. Not until she pointed me out did he realize I'm trans, and that I'm the same person he had met in a male presentation on earlier occasions. We had a very nice talk later in the evening, and he was very accepting.

Later, I learned that my grandma had, days before, explained to a friend that I had transitioned (I am not sure if this person had met me before, as I didn't catch who it was), and that I would be at the wedding. After several hours, she asked my grandma if I had decided not to come after all, since she had not been able to identify me. She was quite surprised when my grandma pointed me out, since she had not noticed anything different about me at all.

In general, I had quite a nice time. I had been worried about negative attention from people who didn't (or barely) know me, but since people didn't notice anything different, there was no problem at all.

So there a neighbor kid who will ask if he can do some weeding in my yard every now and then, he has only seen me in boy mode up until this weekend.

The neighbor kid saw me and even talked to me while I was in girl mode. He asked me if I lived in the house I live in. I kinda freaked out because I never run into people who know me as a guy while I'm in girl mode. So I said no and walked away. Well a couple days later he comes over hoping to do some chores for a few bucks and he sees me  in guy mode again, and asked me if I had a twin sister. I told him no that was me. He said wow I really thought you had a twin sister.
it was an awkward experience I went on to explain what being trans means, but he didn't really understand.

Quote from: amber roskamp on June 03, 2015, 05:44:51 AM
So there a neighbor kid who will ask if he can do some weeding in my yard every now and then, he has only seen me in boy mode up until this weekend.

The neighbor kid saw me and even talked to me while I was in girl mode. He asked me if I lived in the house I live in. I kinda freaked out because I never run into people who know me as a guy while I'm in girl mode. So I said no and walked away. Well a couple days later he comes over hoping to do some chores for a few bucks and he sees me  in guy mode again, and asked me if I had a twin sister. I told him no that was me. He said wow I really thought you had a twin sister.
it was an awkward experience I went on to explain what being trans means, but he didn't really understand.

That moment can be perplexing, but kids are honest and straightforward.
You may enjoy it.

barbie~~

...the transwoman who sits down next to you for 15 minutes on the subway doesn't notice you one bit.

Quote from: Jill F on June 03, 2015, 03:50:36 PM
...the transwoman who sits down next to you for 15 minutes on the subway doesn't notice you one bit.

Probably she is like me, as I have never seen any other transwoman in the street or the subway.

barbie~~

I knew I was passing, when I went out to run errands without a binder on and was never ma'am-ed. everywhere I went people took me for your regular fat guy with moobs lol

You know you pass when you look in the mirror and love what you see and when people start treating you the way you want to be recognized without having to ask them

So last week I got an email from a friend asking if I could fill in for a speaker at a transgender event, it was very last minute but I said yes and last night I gave a talk about online security and anonymity (I work in the sector).

Long story short after the talk I started talking to one of the spouses and she went on to tell me that she had no idea I was trans until she overheard me talking about electrolysis got very confused