Sorry if I made any of you uncomfortable by not posting an update and removing my account. I actually removed my account several weeks (maybe a month?) prior to my procedure; so it wasn't the case that I removed my account because of getting done with the procedure. Rather, what happened was that I had connected with a few individuals through Facebook and felt that Susan's otherwise felt a bit anonymous and uncomfortable for me, and I didn't like the idea of any outsiders being able to come in here and see information they might link to me irl.
I'm really sorry if I caused any stir. I wouldn't mind sharing photos and information with some of you in particular, but I just didn't like the idea of leaving the information public.
So while I won't post photos here, let me reassure you guys that Dr. Rossi is even better than anyone says he is. He might be the least expensive established ffs surgeon, but money wasn't really a factor for me in making a good decision between surgeons. I'm pretty sure I picked the best one that there is, and that just happened to be the most affordable one as well. I decided to leave this post, then, as my way of saying thanks to the surgical team and as my way of assuring you guys that my prior disappearance in no way has to do with having had a bad experience. To the contrary, this surgical team was amazing.
I was worried, because I was going into Argentina alone, that I wouldn't have anyone to look after me, and wondering how I was supposed to manage. That isn't a problem at all. Amanda organizes everything, checks on you daily, and brings you whatever food you request. She's pretty amazing at making the recovery comfortable.
Dr. Rossi, on top of being so good, is super nice and gentle. Since I bruise easily, I expected to be purple, yellow, red and super swollen by the time I left Buenos Aires two weeks later, especially since I had followed Raiden Quinn's ffs recovery progress on youtube and saw how beat up she looked even a month or more post surgery. Well, wow, maybe I have some wolverine genetics, but I have a feeling it's in part because the surgical team has an keen understanding of anatomy and reconstructive/non-cosmetic facial surgery. Despite getting the four procedures in one surgery, and even having requested that they be fairy aggressive in their reductions of bone mass, the surgical team accomplished it all with only minor bruising and swelling, and the bruising healed so well that it was entirely gone by the two week mark. I mean, a couple days prior to leaving Buenos Aires, the sides of my chin were still a little yellow, but by the time I flew two days later nothing was noticeable (besides the swelling that only someone who knew me might notice).
Of course, the swelling hasn't fully gone down even still, and I don't expect the swelling to be fully gone until 2-4 months in. Nevertheless, to others, my face looks like a normal person's face, and I'm really the only one who can consistently notice that my face is clearly a little chubby. I anticipate that my nose and chin will look even more delicate and refined in a couple months, though everything looks totally normal to others now.
I'm actually pretty blown away with the result. I look in the mirror and see a hot girl with very cute features, and I honestly do not recognize myself. Now, I won't lie, the 3 days after surgery I thought I had made a mistake, as I looked all facially bloated, and lopsided, and everything out of proportion. Even with how optimistic of a person I am, I was really depressed and withdrawn as I first recovered. However, by the 8th day, when I had the splint/cast thing on my nose was removed, everything already looked so amazing (and I could already get a glimpse of how great things would look once the swelling subsided), and it was all so shocking and pretty that I went back to the apartment, sat on the floor, and cried heavily for half an hour because of how happy and incredibly relieved I was at how feminine and attractive that girl in the mirror was. Earlier that same day, when I left the office with the nose splint off for the first time, Amanda even took pause to comment on how gorgeous I looked, to which Dr. Rossi popped his head back out and jokingly said, "and who was your amazing surgeon?" There was also a very pretty, young patient that came as well for her follow-up appointment, and even she looked surprised and said "hey, beautiful" the moment she saw me. All I could really do was half smile and put my head down and hold back those tears of relief for when I finally got back to the apartment.
I think it's really confusing to look at your face after ffs. There are days that I look very feminine, and there are days that I probably look just as feminine to others, but that I look at myself and instead see someone super androgynous with only a hint of femininity. However, I have to remember that I've only just recently hit 3 months on hormones, and I will look more feminine once the muscle and fat in my face changes shape with the prolonged use and long term effects of those. I also have to remember that it's so easy to see masculinity in a face when you're trying to look for it, and in any case, when I look for it now all I really see is androgyny. Right now, it's like everything masculine in my face was taken away, but at the same time, like nothing feminine was added. The result (for me) is a bit of a cute, young girl look, as opposed to something more angular and sexy.
I wasn't updating anyone with recovery photos, and in any case, I only took a handful of photos during my entire recovery, as I hated photos of myself (including those from before the surgery and those from the days of recovery). However, once the nose thing came off, that evening I was quite excited, so I asked my parents to skype with me. I knew that my mom was very apprehensive to skype, as she had been upset in those days that she was going to lose that recognizable face of the child that she had watched grow up. However, skyping with them turned out to be really heartwarming, as I don't think she expected that I'd have such a cute and young appearance, and one that she could relate to as her daughter; she couldn't take the smile off her face during the entire skype call.
And things just kept getting better from there on out. What unfolded in the last three days was almost like from a movie, and frankly, a little bit unbelievable, especially considering that I had just had surgery a week and a half prior. When I went to the mall three days before the end of my trip, I was just wearing foundation to cover up what yellowing remained of the bruises and just a bit of eye liner. I was looking around the MAC store, when one of the beautiful make-up artists/MAC representatives asked to do my make-up, and after a very charming conversation while she did my make-up, a conversation where she gave me hints that she was kind of hitting on me, I tried to gauge whether she really was flirting with me or being a good salesperson by casually asking her what time she got off work. Long story short, I'm not really sure how I went from arriving alone and frightened in a foreign country, with an appearance that wouldn't ever pass, to post surgery bruised tomato face, to pretty girl making out with gorgeous Argentinian lesbians, all within the time frame of August 2nd to the 20th. (The latter made possible in part by being fluent in Spanish.) All together, I had a life changing collection of experiences in Buenos Aires, and having ffs + having it with this surgeon in particular, was easily the best life decision I've ever made.
I also got to see the results of two other ffs surgeries with Dr. Rossi, as there was some overlap between my follow-up appointments and theirs. My surgery was a few days before their surgeries. There was a girl in her late 20's and another perhaps about 50. Both of them looked stunning to me a week after their surgeries. In fact, I'm pretty sure both of them look even more feminine than I. I do think, however, being exclusively a lesbian and plus, for my own career, this kind of androgynous youthful femininity that I present with now will very much compliment everything, and I'm very happy with it.
Now back in the U.S., despite not being used to looking any different, still feeling insecure out in public, and still carrying the latent worry and self perception that I don't pass, I've been humbled by the compliments of strangers, probably my favorite of which was a girl going out of her way to tell me that tall female androgynous models are really popular right now and asking me whether I've ever considered doing modeling. I wouldn't do modeling, and I don't think I'm sufficiently attractive, but it's been nice to see how many heads I turn with my unquestionably female face contrasted with a very androgynous appearance otherwise. And I think that particular sort of tall, thin, pale skinned androgyny, with simple black and grey attire (wearing generally just a tee tucked into high waist pants), seems to catch the curiosity of girls more than men. But even with guys, it's been a new experience to have guys come up to me and offer me a cigarette outside of a bar (cigarette which I of course turn down! -.^), or to have a handsome middle aged man hold doors for me and get the elevator.
And in retrospect, it comes down to cherished memories of the most insignificant things: like when I first showed up in Buenos Aires and went to the mall to get dinner; a woman giving out perfume samples handed me a men's sample, which I threw away and tried to forget. Then, ten days later, walking through the mall absentmindedly, just the same: an arm came out of my peripheral to hand me a perfume sample, and I turned to see the same woman. I politely smiled, accepted the sample and stepped away, and then when I looked down, I was hit by the significance of seeing the tiny sample of girl's perfume in my hand.
Finally, just a word about Dr. Rossi, when it comes to ffs, he really perceives himself as a therapeutic/reconstructive surgeon and not a cosmetic surgeon. I was nervous during the consultation the day before surgery when I was basically told that he really couldn't tell me everything he was definitely going to do (for example, whether or not I would need a lip lift) and to what extent he would do those things (for example, just how much chin he would remove) as his approach is a bit more artistic, he explained: features would be put into balance as the surgical team went from performing surgery on one area to the next. But yes, what you'll get is a face that looks natural, in harmony, and nevertheless unique. For example, you're not left with the stock nose job, or whatever signature nose the doctor might be known for, but rather, you'll be left with a unique but feminine nose that's clearly built out of your current nose and made to compliment your other features. So as for the surgical team's artistic approach, on top of their excellent surgical skill, they have very good taste: they make everything fit together and still leave you with a unique look, uniqueness which helps the final result look like a girl's face that has never had any kind of surgery (unlike a stock petite nose that might be pretty but clearly indicate cosmetic surgery). As far as what I was hoping for, which was a natural, feminine, attractive, and professional look, the quality of the result exceeded my expectations.
