When I was a sophomore in high school I had a crush on my orchestra stand partner, Hilary.  I felt safe talking to her but I never told her how I felt.  Sophomore year ended and I came back for junior year.  I didn't see her around school and heard that she'd moved to another town. 

I came out as trans in my senior year and started my transition after graduation.  I want a boyfriend and am sexually aroused by the idea of sleeping with a man as a woman.  At first I abhorred the idea of using my male genitals sexually with a woman, but as I've gone through the transition process I've begun to like the thought of sleeping with Hilary.  I feel like I could be a great girlfriend because I like video games and sports, but I also feel I'd be a great boyfriend because I I like romantic stuff (cuddling, flowers, doin it to Frank Sinatra, etc...).  I don't know how to handle all this. 

Hi Clarebear, welcome to Susan's. Go with what feels right and works for you. A therapist could help you sort through these feelings. Whatever you do don't force yourself to do anything your not ready to. You could always try something and then back off and just gently explain to them why you can't follow through with it if that turns out to be the case. I look forward to seeing your around the forums. good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Welcome to Susan's Place. Human relations are complex enough without adding transsexualism in to the mix. Often people want a traditional relationship and this would be far from it. Hilary would have to understand a good deal about this and be fine with the arrangement. There is an additional complicating factor you are not considering and that is your end goal. I have seen far to many couples with children have major problem that delay the transition. The only birth control that is a 100% is abstinence. All of the others carry a very small risk of failure. Are you willing to risk your treatment on a sexual fantasy. Long before seeking treatment I decided a relationship would be a bad idea because it could delay treatment or harm others. I think it unwise to be involved with sex for the above reasons but in the end the decision and responsibility will be yours.

Remember that old saying:

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. 


All the best,
-AshleyP