I am very soon starting HrT(June 26). 2014 has been a good year for me gender wise. I have started dressing in womens clothing and makeup and also outed myself to everyone. My confidence has improved a lot and my social anxiety has dropped!! What i am saying is that i am feeling much better about myself and that i am very positive for the near future.

However, for the last 2-3 weeks or so I have experienced panic attacks.... I worry alot about the what if's and why's to me being transgender and the fact that my body is  going to start changing very soon.
Every time i try to sleep i experience terror in my hole body and mind.. Its frustrating. I almost jump out of bed by the smallest of sounds.. Eventually a panick attack will occur.
I know anxiety is a common symptom of going through life being trans, but does that count for panic attacks as well? I REALLY hope that as i start HrT in June,  some of that worrying will fade, along with the panic attacks.
I guess i just hope that the real problem here is that i'm transgender and not just that i'm naturally filled with anxiety.

It has been a hard struggle for a long time now and my main coping mechanism has been an apathetic state of mind.  So, now that things are finally falling into place and I start letting go of the apathy and start to feel things again, then maybe that is the reason to my sudden panic attacks?

Say you fall of a boat into a alligator filled water, you immediately act on adrenaline and you dont really "think" as long as you are in the water. Its only when you finally reach the boat and you are safe that you can start processing those emotions of fear.

Am i finally in a good enough place to start handling those sever panic attacks? That would be nice, since it could mean that i am finally climbing up that boat again;P
Anyone else experience gender related panic and/or anxiety attacks?

Quote from: Emilyx on June 06, 2015, 12:36:28 PM
Anyone else experience gender related panic and/or anxiety attacks?

No (because I went through everything 30 years ago) but I can reassure you that it's not uncommon and indeed your own analysis of the situation is very plausible.

Ultimately only time will tell if the anxiety subsides, but at this point it seems entirely possible that it may.

I think this is also the sort of thing that it is useful and sensible to discuss with your counsellor and/or immediate support network though.

Quote from: Emilyx on June 06, 2015, 12:36:28 PM
I am very soon starting HrT(June 26). 2014 has been a good year for me gender wise. I have started dressing in womens clothing and makeup and also outed myself to everyone. My confidence has improved a lot and my social anxiety has dropped!! What i am saying is that i am feeling much better about myself and that i am very positive for the near future.

However, for the last 2-3 weeks or so I have experienced panic attacks.... I worry alot about the what if's and why's to me being transgender and the fact that my body is  going to start changing very soon.
Every time i try to sleep i experience terror in my hole body and mind.. Its frustrating. I almost jump out of bed by the smallest of sounds.. Eventually a panick attack will occur.
I know anxiety is a common symptom of going through life being trans, but does that count for panic attacks as well? I REALLY hope that as i start HrT in June,  some of that worrying will fade, along with the panic attacks.
I guess i just hope that the real problem here is that i'm transgender and not just that i'm naturally filled with anxiety.

It has been a hard struggle for a long time now and my main coping mechanism has been an apathetic state of mind.  So, now that things are finally falling into place and I start letting go of the apathy and start to feel things again, then maybe that is the reason to my sudden panic attacks?

Say you fall of a boat into a alligator filled water, you immediately act on adrenaline and you dont really "think" as long as you are in the water. Its only when you finally reach the boat and you are safe that you can start processing those emotions of fear.

Am i finally in a good enough place to start handling those sever panic attacks? That would be nice, since it could mean that i am finally climbing up that boat again;P

Anyone else experience gender related panic and/or anxiety attacks?

Absolutely.  When my gender dysphoria was at its worst, I was experiencing a panic attack at least every other day.  I even experienced one in which I forgot my age and simple little facts about myself that I should innately know. 

After commencing transition (through means of HRT), all panic and anxiety abated for around two months.  It was wonderful.  However, once my family disowned me due to being trans, the anxiety and panic attacks returned.  One panic attack was so bad that I was deported to a hospital during work because I had fallen to the ground and couldn't make sense of anything.  My heart rate was above 200, and it stayed that way for over half an hour.  Btw, we did determine at the ER that I had just experienced a really terrible panic attack. 

Also, in spite of being one of the most resilient people I know, I've endured such a terrible panic attack, since being disowned by my family, that I woke up in a legitimate psychiatric ward among a lot of actual crazy people, and unfortunately, that's not the worst I've encountered... I've experienced like every symptom of anxiety that I've ever heard of -- depersonalization, long-lasting amnesia, accidental vocalizations, sleep panic attacks, seizures, coordination problems lasting weeks at a time, and even visual snow.  All of this since I was disowned due to being who I must be.  I have been thoroughly checked out, btw, so we know this crazy stuff is from panic.

The ironic thing is that my gender dysphoria has subsided because I'm effectively just a girl at this point.  It's the repercussions of actualizing who I am that have driven me batty...

Ally

I suffer from panic attacks as well.  I had social anxiety pre-transition as a male but rarely had panic attacks (unless I was stoned from smoking weed).  Once I began transition and went full time, my social anxiety has diminished substantially, but the panic attacks have replaced that.

I rarely experience PA's during the day though, it's almost always at night either when I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep or while I'm sleeping and they wake me up.  My psych. has said that, that sounds like Panic Disorder.

It's certainly not enjoyable as I'm sure you know and it wasn't something I was expecting when I started HRT (even though my psych. and endo have both said the PA's are not HRT related).

I like to think that as I get use to the massive changes I'm going through that they will subside.  Hormonally we go through big changes.  In my first 3 months on HRT I went from a count of 17 for T down to 6.5, and my E has gone up into the mid-100s'.  I fully believe that being in the middle of the hormone spectrum of male and female has definitely attributed to some of the panic.  The body is trying to process what going on and I think naturally mental alarms are going (panic attacks) saying that things aren't right.  So until the E starts affect the brain to align with the change and I get a better handle on the DRASTIC changes that are happening I think I'll have to deal with the PA's for a bit. 

I was prescribed a "rescue" medication for the PA's that can be taken at the onset of an attack and they are fast acting to suppress the attack.  I've not gotten it filled and I'm not sure I will but it may bring me piece of mind just knowing that I have that in my back pocket.  This may be something you can ask your doctor/psych. about. It might help you.

I suffer very bad anxiety attacks.  I didn't corolate it with my gender issues until I went full time and the anxiety has lessened incredibly.

The week before my endo appointment to start HRT was horrible anxiety wise.

Hang in there - anxiety is horrible to deal with.  I hope it eases up for you.

Quote from: Emilyx on June 06, 2015, 12:36:28 PM
I am very soon starting HrT(June 26). 2014 has been a good year for me gender wise. I have started dressing in womens clothing and makeup and also outed myself to everyone. My confidence has improved a lot and my social anxiety has dropped!! What i am saying is that i am feeling much better about myself and that i am very positive for the near future.

However, for the last 2-3 weeks or so I have experienced panic attacks.... I worry alot about the what if's and why's to me being transgender and the fact that my body is  going to start changing very soon.
Every time i try to sleep i experience terror in my hole body and mind.. Its frustrating. I almost jump out of bed by the smallest of sounds.. Eventually a panick attack will occur.
I know anxiety is a common symptom of going through life being trans, but does that count for panic attacks as well? I REALLY hope that as i start HrT in June,  some of that worrying will fade, along with the panic attacks.
I guess i just hope that the real problem here is that i'm transgender and not just that i'm naturally filled with anxiety.

It has been a hard struggle for a long time now and my main coping mechanism has been an apathetic state of mind.  So, now that things are finally falling into place and I start letting go of the apathy and start to feel things again, then maybe that is the reason to my sudden panic attacks?

Say you fall of a boat into a alligator filled water, you immediately act on adrenaline and you dont really "think" as long as you are in the water. Its only when you finally reach the boat and you are safe that you can start processing those emotions of fear.

Am i finally in a good enough place to start handling those sever panic attacks? That would be nice, since it could mean that i am finally climbing up that boat again;P

Anyone else experience gender related panic and/or anxiety attacks?

I do. I had one earlier today. I had one last night too. Purged my account because it got found out. Now I can't send pms to those who have posted help to me. I hate this. I just wish I could press a button and make it all right.

Hello Emily

You're so very close to the goal, so keep going.  In terms of diminishing these panics and sending them packing, here are a few possible ideas:

Firstly, the nighttime sleep-related exaggerations of our minds are the ones we need to deal with the most, as they come during moments where our reason is not totally with us.  When these happen, turn on the light and let the sleep-anxieties disperse.  Even if your sleep is disrupted for some weeks or months, it's better than spending whole nights driving yourself a little nuts.

Secondly, I have found that the best way to deal with panics and other things is to confront the root of them.  To be honest, I don't really agree with your statement that "anxiety is a common symptom of going through life being trans".  It is something we can defeat with the appropriate coping mechanisms.  What is making you anxious?  I'll hazard a guess that it's a combination of work, family, prospective future partners, passing, and money to fund your transition.  All valid things to provoke distress.   

Take each of the ones that are weighing on you, and make a short list, on paper, of the parts of each which are in your control, and the parts which are not.  Try as best as you can to quantify the severity of each one, and identify what you may need to do to influence all the parts in your favour.  When I say "all", I mean that many things supposedly out of your control are not quite out of your control.  For example, you might be scared about how your work will react, but if you're damn good at your job, you can influence this in your favour.

If you are worried about things like whether HRT will turn you into Claudia Schiffer, then you are worring about something totally outside your control, and my advice is to make peace, brutally if necessary, with possible practical realities.  For example, in my case, due to my age I pretty much resigned myself in advance to very limited physical feminisation, and I was proven mostly correct.  But while I see girls on this site obsessing about breast growth (to use a common example), it's a fixable problem with implants.  It's not ideal, but it's solvable, and doesn't make me any less of a woman.

I'm not saying that you can deal rationally with the panic attacks, but it is possible.  When one of them hits you, stop, and say to yourself "wait - I've already got a good plan for this one." And if necessary, go look at your list, to prove to your subconscious that you've dealt with it.

Hugs
Julia

I never had any panic attacks related to gender stuff. But, I reached a point a few years ago where these really bad panic attacks came out of nowhere. The thing that really sucked about that was it was six months prior to this that I had finally beat the gender issues. That was when the panic attacks showed up. I suffered through them for almost two years and it was absolutely horrible. I would go two and sometimes three days with no sleep because I thought that I would die if I went to sleep. I ate next to nothing and lost sixty pounds since I wasn't eating. I would try all kinds of therapy techniques that I would find online, I tried various OTC sleeping medications and none of that worked. I had every medical test done under the sun. They said they couldn't find anything wrong with me. But, once I went on a combo of two specific medications, the panic attacks went away and have stayed away.

Thank you for answering 

Since i posted this I've managed to sleep well and really had no big problem with panic attacks.
I watched this video and followed everything this doctor said --> 

I've been running from it when I really should've been running towards it, knowing it can't hurt me.
I'll be fine from now on, I think. My soon to come Hrt starting date is probably main contributor to all this anxiety and panicking..

Hello Emily,

You are so brave.. not many people can come out and admit that they are transgender, and embrace that lifestyle. For this you should feel prideful! I am sorry that you are experiencing feelings of panic and terror.. I myself went through something similar. A year ago I had been experiencing panic attacks that always resulted in fainting, mostly in public places, even on a date  once. It was humiliating and actually pretty dangerous. So i saw a doctor who gave me some medication, but the effects  soon wore off. Searching one day I found a website that had a pretty good review recommending a product to treat my  anxiety. I read the review and ended up trying out the method. The technique worked instantly! Because i'm not scared and  know i can handle any attack, the attacks went away.

If you want to learn more about what I used (Panic Away) here is where I saw the review ( http://anxietyendshere.com/panic-away-review-panic-away-by-barry-mcdonagh/ ) . It tells you about  everything that comes with the system and exactly what it will do for you. Check it out, hopefully it will help you like  it helped me!