Another board member posted this information but if you go to youtube and request "The transition channel" you will find a discussion on transgender from a medical point of view. The first time I viewed it I recalled nights many years ago in treatment where these topics were discussed. I think you will find yourself a good match for the title but if you don't, this still a good place to explore your inter feelings. I am happy and never once thought I made a mistake but even after all these years I am still making connections that fill more of the picture in. It may not come to you all at once but it will over time.

Quote from: Espeon1990 on June 04, 2015, 07:50:32 PM
Yes that is awesome Clever! I've done quite a bit more research and soul searching today and I honestly think I am somewhere on the spectrum...I just don't know if I wan't to give myself a label. There are quite a bit of them out there: ftm, non binary, bi-gender etc... I guess like everyone said it will take time to figure it out. I want to see a GT soon but I just can't seem to shake this feeling of shame and embarrassment about my trans feelings. Did anyone else feel embarrassment at first? Is that a normal part of the process?

This is interesting stuff to learn about. I've been reading about this subject ever since I was a teenager. I hope you enjoy yourself, Espeon.

I am really glad I found this place regardless if I decide to label myself or not. Like I said before I live in a very conservative area and I don't have anyone to talk about trans stuff IRL. It's nice to not feel alone anymore.

I definitely felt embarrassed when I first started this journey. And fearful. Terrified, really. These are normal feelings. You'll settle into yourself with time. It seems unbelievable now, but you will. Don't concern yourself with labels if nothing seems to fit right now. Take your time and learn about yourself. There is no rush.

Reaching out for support is a brave thing to do. Glad you're here.

Quote from: Espeon1990 on June 04, 2015, 09:03:45 PM
I am really glad I found this place regardless if I decide to label myself or not. Like I said before I live in a very conservative area and I don't have anyone to talk about trans stuff IRL. It's nice to not feel alone anymore.

That is the first step in treatment. For me, it was finding the group where I was able to get moving in treatment. The first night, I felt like I didn't belong with this fine people because of the way I felt, but within a couple of meeting, I felt kinship with them. We were traveling the same road but we might not be going to the same place. We don't care what you decided to do with your life as long as you will be happy. All of us have had far to much pain in life and it's time to end it. Living in a conservative area may make you uncomfortable for now but take a look at where I am. I am working in an industrial rental yard surround by a bunch of truckers who love the american way and are strongly interested in conservative politics. I have not seen any signs that they are uncomfortable with me even though I have voice issues that I am sure have given me away. Conservatives can be good people as long as you take it slow and easy showing them the new you is a nice person that it's worth getting to know. Judge each person by what they are and most will judge you the same way. Yes there may be a few problems but overall  people are good.

Quote from: Espeon1990 on June 04, 2015, 07:50:32 PM
I just can't seem to shake this feeling of shame and embarrassment about my trans feelings. Did anyone else feel embarrassment at first? Is that a normal part of the process?

Normal is a small town in Indiana   Seriously tho it is very common, in my experience, that shame and embarrassment with the resultant fear of rejection that impact our progress.  Liberating ourselves from the stereotypes and strictures of culture is a process of affirming your truth and elimination of those negative internal tapes.  It can start with simple affirmations that you are in charge of your identity and destiny.  I have read some great books with scruffy covers   When I was first coming out I would tell people, "I know what i look like but that is not who I am."

Quote from: Tessa James on June 05, 2015, 11:48:58 AM
I have read some great books with scruffy covers

Talking about me again.


Tessa's right though. The feelings of embarrassment are valid feelings. The process is different for everyone, and so how you feel about it is going to be different from others. Some parts will be like another persons experiences and some won't. It is all still valid.

Quote from: Tessa James on June 05, 2015, 11:48:58 AM
Normal is a small town in Indiana   Seriously tho it is very common, in my experience, that shame and embarrassment with the resultant fear of rejection that impact our progress.  Liberating ourselves from the stereotypes and strictures of culture is a process of affirming your truth and elimination of those negative internal tapes.  It can start with simple affirmations that you are in charge of your identity and destiny.  I have read some great books with scruffy covers   When I was first coming out I would tell people, "I know what i look like but that is not who I am."

When I first posted on this forum I was initially shameful because it was the first time I really analyzed my gender dysphoria and really, deeply thought about it. I think Iv'e been in denial of it for a long time, which isn't healthy at all. It's funny because it's only been a very short time since my first post and I already feel so much better. If I feel like a man inside then that makes me a man, and there is nothing unnatural about that.

Quote from: Espeon1990 on June 06, 2015, 08:48:43 PM
If I feel like a man inside then that makes me a man, and there is nothing unnatural about that.

Exactly!!

Quote from: Espeon1990 on June 06, 2015, 08:48:43 PM
When I first posted on this forum I was initially shameful because it was the first time I really analyzed my gender dysphoria and really, deeply thought about it. I think Iv'e been in denial of it for a long time, which isn't healthy at all. It's funny because it's only been a very short time since my first post and I already feel so much better. If I feel like a man inside then that makes me a man, and there is nothing unnatural about that.

We are here to help you find your way but you have to do the heavy lifting. If you are feeling better, I think I can speak for everybody in saying we are glad we could help.