Quote from: chance on July 20, 2014, 10:54:29 PM
Hi everyone,

I'm new to Susans and glad to see over 40's here.  I'm glad I found this thread.  I'm over 40 but I'm still figuring out what I want and need.

I don't know if I want to transition but I definitely do not feel female. The more I discover my authentic self the more uncomfortable I feel in women's clothes. The biggest thing for me at the moment is that I've been with my SO for 10 years and my SO is a lesbian, as I thought I was.  She is not attracted at all to males so if I transitioned it would mean the end of our relationship so I want to figure out what I want and what feels right for me.

Chance

Hi, Chance, I'm 44.  Welcome to Susan's.  Are you sure your SO would leave?  Have you all talked about it?  Have you already been presenting as a masculine female?  I think it is easier for lesbians whose partners were already very masculine to manage the change easier than for lesbians whose partners were on the more feminine end.

There are definitely lots and lots of women who are partnered with masculine females who don't leave when their partners transition.  These women may never seek out cis males, but if they are comfortable/prefer masculinity in their romantic partners to begin with, the change can be manageable for them.  This is just my experience.

I co-moderate a group for guys over 40 on FB. Some women do stay with men who transition, it happens all the time, doesn't matter the age of the guy transitioning, sometimes it's over 55. I think that some people are more fluid in their sexuality than they imagine. I think it comes down to what you want and so on.

PM me if you want to join the group, we don't have any "requirements" re: how trans you are. (I don't buy into this whole concept of trans enough.) There are guys who never physically transition transition at all, and others who do everything possible and others very much in the middle.

--Jay

Hey Jay-

I know this is an old thread, but thought I would give this a shot.  I tried to send you an email, since I can't send PM's here yet.  My birthday is Sept. 7th - I will be 50!  Anyway, I am interested in your group.

Quote from: JandJ on August 29, 2014, 09:46:31 PM
Hey Jay-

I know this is an old thread, but thought I would give this a shot.  I tried to send you an email, since I can't send PM's here yet.  My birthday is Sept. 7th - I will be 50!  Anyway, I am interested in your group.

I will send Jay a note to look to this thread.

Quote from: Brett on August 29, 2014, 10:13:36 PM
I will send Jay a note to look to this thread.

Thanks Brett - I appreciate that   

I have been dying literally i think to tell my story. I am 38 years old and oh my god that sounds so old. But the thing is, is that i am not. I am not old. But i am in regards to everything i have read and looked at online regarding FTM and being able to transition. It just blows my ever loving mind. WTF? How are these 15 to 25 year olds able to handle this? Mentally, financially, physically and socially?

I have known since the age of 5 that i was born in the wrong body. I was born a female and i have known that i am a male since the age of 5 years old. I was lucky as i was born a beautiful female and i have been able to pass as female for 38 years. But it has been brutal HELL. The way men paw all over me and even the way lesbians do too sometimes.

I came out in my late teens as a lesbian because of course i love women. But i have always felt something was wrong in being able to sexually express myself as a woman. I have been blessed with beautiful breasts but oh my god i have hated them since the day they showed up. I have had so many relationships breakdown because i won't let my girlfriend touch my breasts. They feel so alien to me. My skin crawls when someone tries to go near them. I have had dreams of me peeing standing up, shaving my face since i was young. my mother even had to teach me how to sit down to pee as a child and when i would cry and cry and cry when she would dress me in dresses as a child i remember it like it was yesterday.

But the thing is...I have always hated uber butch lesbians. You know the ones...The ones that look like and try to pretend they are a man.

But that is the thing that i have been denying for yearrrrssss. As i grew up it took years to get my mother used to the idea that i was a lesbian. But how the ->-bleeped-<- do i tell my mother that i am the son she always wished she had? And in turn how the ->-bleeped-<- do i pay for surgery to remove my breasts and create a penis?

I just can not see it.

I have been introspecting quite a bit lately...and realized that my suicidal attempts in high school and through out my twenties and all my rampant alcohol use and my dysfunctional relationships are in direct correlation to this issue. I say issue because i honestly do not think that i can ever fully become the man that i was born to be and this kills me.

I never realized until recently i have always hated them because i could never pass as a man and perhaps i was jealous.

But in my mind...if i ever would be able to be the man that i was born to be i would be the metrosexual man. The put together, well shaven, stylish business man.

Its okay to dream right?

I am close to the edge and i don't think i can live this way any longer. But i have no way to change it. I have no money, no medical insurance no support and nor hope.

Quote from: K8Ty1177 on June 10, 2015, 09:32:43 AM


i honestly do not think that i can ever fully become the man that i was born to be and this kills me.

You CAN be the man you were born to be...as it is never too late.  It is a slow, sometimes difficult process, but if living a life true to yourself is important enough, you will make it work.  Change your focus to what you CAN do, rather than fixating on what you CAN'T do.

Thank you for your kind words... But how the hell am I supposed to do it? I don't have insurance. Even if I did... I couldn't afford surgery. You say if I want it bad enough it will happen. Well I am 38... Been slowly dying since age 5. I am just sooo lost and sad. I honestly can't imagine a life beyond this ->-bleeped-<-. It hurts me to destroy the beautiful daughter my mother loves. And I don't want to butcher my body. But I can not live like the any longer. I need to move to Mars. Suggestions?

More and more states are covering transgender health care (sometimes including surgery) under Medicaid, and some also have state- and federally-subsidized programs to help a lot of poorer folk who don't qualify for Medicaid. Perhaps you could move to one of those places. I live in Minnesota, where the excellent state-run insurance does cover everything but surgery, and we are working on that!

I'm 63, by the way, and started to transition a couple of years ago. I'm gonna look like a grandpa and not like some young stud, but I'm very happy with the way it's working out. It's wonderful to be in the world as myself -- just some harmless, likeable older fella...

Don't give up. It's never too late.

Quote from: K8Ty1177 on June 10, 2015, 12:12:54 PM
Thank you for your kind words... But how the hell am I supposed to do it?  Suggestions?

Start by finding a therapist who is familiar with gender/transition issues and/or a GLBTQ center, both of which may be able to hook you up with some resources.  Best not to focus on finances right now, as there are many things you can do to begin to change your presentation while figuring out just who you are and what your new life might look like.  Try finding a chest binder, shop at a thrift store for some appropriate clothing, find a new hairstyle, look for a packer if that might help with your dysphoria, get a P-style so you can at least stand to pee (even if just at home right now). There are not many folks in the world who begin transition with a bank account full of cash or fully inclusive insurance coverage.  We work hard, raise money, ask for help...Like I said, it can be difficult, which is why a therapist is very helpful.  It can be done, but it certainly does not happen overnight!

I started at age 40...and I used to be 'that pretty blonde girl with the ta-tas'  Life feels SO much better for me now.  I thought my only option was death, because there was NO WAY I could do this.  But here I am!  (Mars is too cold, BTW)

I'm not 40 yet, but I started T a month before my 38th birthday and I am now 16 weeks on T, and top surgery is only a little over 5 weeks away!  It's definitely feels good to know that there are more 'mature' FTM just starting out.  The word 'older' just sound so 'old' lol.  After reading many of your comments, I want to share my story because we have so much in common one way or another.

I'm one of those who knew I was 'different' at a very young age.  I thought maybe I'm a lesbian and came out of the closet when I turned 20.  I've always been very masculine/butchy and many of my close friends would call me "bro" or "dude".  Although I knew back then how I feel about my body and how much I wish I could change, reality is that I couldn't afford T and surgery.  Plus, how can I steal the only daughter from my parents?  So, I put the thoughts of transitioning to the back burner and not think about it for 17 years.  Until last year, I had a health scare and had a hysterectomy (non-transition related) and I began to think: 'what if?',  'I can't live a lie anymore', 'I don't want to die as female'. 

So I had a very long talk with my gf of 11 years about transitioning, she wasn't shock because she knew all along how I feel about my body, but she did feel somewhat betrayal, kind of like she didn't sign up for this.  Lucky for me that she loves me enough to give me a try, after all, she was attracted to my masculinity at the beginning.

Also came out to my parents before starting T, even thought my mom didn't take it as well as my dad, they did not dis-owned me.  In fact, they were correcting themselves last week when they caught themselves mis-gendered me.  My brother called me bro the first time which also feels pretty awesome!

When I decided to go through transition, there were 3 things in my life that I worry the most: my relationship, my family, and my friends.  My gf has been supportive since I start seeing my therapist, she also loving all the physical changes that T has brought on to my body.  My parents still treats me the same as before, and putting in the effort on the pronouns.  Most of my friends are supportive, trying to be myself and enjoy my life is difficult enough, I don't need any transphobic in my life. 

I'm very lucky to be living in Canada.  My doctors appointments, bloodworks for T levels, and most of all surgery are cover under healthcare (well, as long as you are willing to wait)!   

Just want to say, things will get better as the transition go.  Don't live a lie because you don't want to hurt other's feelings, because in the end, you are the one who's living your life!

Jack

Hey Jack. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I am 38 years old too and I'm 5 weeks on T. A lot of similarities in our stories except that my wife and I are expecting our first in September. Part of precipitating my journey was knowing that I could not live happily "being a mom". Like you, I have had many self talks about all of the what ifs should I transition. Now I'm more of a headspace (since starting T) that says why not sooner?? lol!!

Totally man! But I've always believe that things happen for a reason, maybe earlier just wasn't the right time for us? Lol

BTW, congrats with the baby on the way! Must be exciting!



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Hey, K8Ty1177,

I came out last year a few months before my 50th birthday. I have insurance through my employer that doesn't cover ANYTHING trans related, but I saved up most of the money for top surgery, put the rest on my credit card, and paid it off with my tax refund. I also pay for the endo and T out of pocket. My therapist bills my sessions under "anxiety," so insurance at least pays for that. I was able to write off the surgery, doc visits, and prescriptions on my taxes, which made my refund that much bigger.

There are now several insurance plans in the marketplace that DO cover some trans needs. Are you eligible for Medicare? http://transequality.org/know-your-rights/medicare does cover hormones and surgery now.

Talk to your mom. Tell her what you told us. My parents in their 70's have been pretty cool with my transition. They flew here to be with me during and after my top surgery.

Transition isn't overnight. It's a process. Take the steps you can, and work out a plan for the rest.

Wow, I think you look pretty handsome, Trace. Love your hairline did the T do that too?

Count me in! I'm 41, and just came out publicly. Have my therapist letter so I can get on T in mid-July, and on July 6th I see the judge to legally change my name. WOOT! 

Nice to see so many guys on here who are in/around their 40s!

Quote from: Jake25 on June 22, 2015, 11:15:38 PM
Wow, I think you look pretty handsome, Trace. Love your hairline did the T do that too?

Thanks for that, Jake!  My hairline has receded quite nicely, likely from the T...but it has also thinned out a great deal on the top.  Enjoying my hair every day that I still have it!  Collecting hats for my future bald years...

I'm 46 and in the proces of finding a physician that will treat me.  Mississippi is not the most accepting state...tho we have a huge LGBT population.  I've located a doctor in my home state of Alabama (go figure) and am waiting for my insurance to kick in.   Has anyone had any major negative side affects from T ?  And any recommendations on a doctor for top surgery?  Ive heard Garramone and Alexander in Florida are two of the best.   

I'm 37 with two kids and a husband... so not 40 yet... but I will be by the time I would start a medical transition. I'm not sure yet what I will actually do as far as transitioning. I know where I'd like to get to (social transition and top surgery) but not sure I will be able to.
I enjoyed the experience of being pregnant but it didn't make me feel like a woman, just a pregnant guy. On the other hand, I am content with the title "mom" because that's what I am to my kids... I'm just a mom who is a guy not a lady.

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Quote from: glenross37 on April 29, 2016, 09:50:39 PM
I'm 46 and in the proces of finding a physician that will treat me.  Mississippi is not the most accepting state...tho we have a huge LGBT population.  I've located a doctor in my home state of Alabama (go figure) and am waiting for my insurance to kick in.   Has anyone had any major negative side affects from T ?  And any recommendations on a doctor for top surgery?  Ive heard Garramone and Alexander in Florida are two of the best.   

glenross37,

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With warmth,

Joanna