Well for me it started 7 years ago when I started hormones. It was before I started the hormones when I came out full time, yuck, I didn't pass to well back then and like I said earlier today I still aint no beauty queen. But I had run out of rope and I could only pick one direction to go in. I wasn't, nor was I ever even desired sex from neither a man or a woman. Although I did have had my time at admiring both sex. Sometimes jealous of the girls because of how they looked as well as having fantasies of being embraced by the hunks.
Shortly after starting the hormones was when I had a vision. I was standing in some type of ground fog, you know, like what you would see in spooky movies. I could hear a whimpering and I walked in the direction of the whimpering. I then looked down at a child, around 7 or 8 years old. She wore a blue satin dress with the white frilly hem and sleeves. Her head was leaning forward covering her face with her hands and intermitently she would wipe the tears with the back of her hands. She had beautiful dark brown ringleted hair. I knelt down in front of her then she looked at me with those dark brown eyes, and the tear stained cheeks that just tugged at my heart. I leaned forward so desiring to embrace her, but then it was like being hit by a burst of glowing energy with sparks flying hither and tither. Every inch of my body tingled, every hair on my body were standing up straight after which I believe I experienced every possible emotions on the human scale.
Well when I came back to I was still sitting in the same spot were I had been sitting before the experience. I believe that that night I had truly met the inner child *in person*. The emotions, I love them and wouldn't give them up for all the money in the world, even the negative ones. It has made me a much more appreciative, humble, caring and loving person.
I must admit that from reading a lot of the many posts in this group it truly has humbled me and I Great Spirit, my maker, which ever, for having guided me and protected me so that I have been spared some of the many problems and fears that many here that appear to be undergoing a difficult, troubling and fear filled time in their their transitioning. Whats there to be afraid? Whats the worst that can happen? "Die." One thing I can guarantee and that is you won't be here to see what happened. So live and enjoy life like it were your last day here. I love Cindy, she is a cool person once you meet her. One of you already has.
As for SRS yes it is painful and very uncomfortable and inconvenient for doing much more then lying down a lot. I love being who I am and still do not care for having sex with either man or woman although I have a fully functional clit. Wing Walker and I both feel the same way, intimacy fulfills our needs. But I would be a liar if I said I didn't ask myself the question you have all asked. Is this unnatural? Am I doing something against nature? I really don't think we are going against nature but more it is like correcting an error that nature "Boo, bood" on to begin with. Just enjoy life and the best way you can. My way of doing that is working with other people, which at the present time is volunteering for our Vancouver Renaissance Festival. Maybe get into a little acting, "hee, hee, hee" Love all you guys but I believe I should jump in the sack and sleep for a while.
I have never felt greater in my life as I did in the past 7 years.
So now this little 7 year old girl needs to go to bed.
Cindy
