Hi, my name is Alice, Im a MtF transperson that is 20 years old. I plan on starting HRT on a month and a half and I was wondering, when does one usually commit to their true gender? Is it just when one can "pass" or do you do it a little at a time? Not starting HRT yet, I don't pass well, only have been called "mam" a few times. That combined with my voice is steering me away and making me think to just wait a year or so until I can pass. What has your plan been?

I didn't know that I would ever pass, so I took that out of the equation. I "committed" when I knew I couldn't go on as a man. I did a lot of going out as a woman, including joining an all-female feminist reading group (trans friendly). It was driving home from one of these that I realized that the way I was with them is the real me. I know I had to be that way all the time.

I hope this helps.

Hi Alice,

Everyones time table is different. For some people it could be their first time out the door as their preffered gender and then no looking back and for others it could be years before full time. You'll know when you are ready and when the time is right.

For me that time was just a few weeks ago. Im only a few months on HRT, I dont always pass well and my voice still needs work but im much happier now.

It's pretty much a movable feast and may depend on many factors - how you feel you look, your confidence, your wardrobe, your body language and self-expression, your voice, etc. For some people some or all or things matter, for other it's varying degrees of not at all. When I started transition I really expected it would be at least two years before I went full time, in the end it was about seven months. So don't lock yourself into any preconceived timeline - best to wait and see once you're on the roller coaster! 🙂

My plan was to take it one day at a time and see how it was going. I ended up moving at a pretty quick pace. I had my first psychological appointment in Feburary of this year, began HRT in March, had my name and gender legally changed last month and effective today I am living 24/7 as female. So there weren't all that many one day at a times to have to live through.  You just kinda know what's right for you as you go along the process.

You commit when you know your ready to and know that it's the right for you do to because you can't go on pretending to be the wrong gender anymore. I was sure in my case before I hit the first therapy session and that was before I went full time. Hugs
Mariah