I have used "Casting off dull certainty" as my tag line on this forum for years. For me, it signifies the trusting leap into the unknown when we decide to transition, the feeling that what we are doing is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. We are throwing away the certainty of life in the gender we were assigned for an unknown future, in the hope that it will be better.
It comes from a song by the very talented and very poetic Canadian songwriter Eileen McGann, called "Whitewater". The song is ostensibly about a canoe trip. But it is clearly about transition. Not necessarily gender transition. It could be about any significant life transition. But for me, of course, it is about my gender transition.
Here is what she says about it:
"Making the choice to see an obstacle course as an opportunity for adventure and learning can change everything - in life as well as on canoe trips..."
Whitewater
by Eileen McGann
Whitewater's calling: the river's sweet refrain
Sings a chorus to the forest as it's shaking off the rain
The night has passed in thunder, but the dawn is breaking clear
Whitewater's calling and I'm moving on from here
And I'm moving on my way,
Letting go the rope
Casting off dull certainty
And reaching for that brightly shining hope
Camped here forever; at least that's how it seems
Waiting for a clearer sign and wrestling with my dreams
I thought that they would bind me, but now I think I see
Whitewater's calling: may it teach me to be free
And I'm moving on my way,
Letting go the rope
Casting off dull certainty
And reaching for that brightly shining hope
I know the current's swift here, the water's running deep
I know there's many rocks ahead: I've seen them in my sleep
I know that I could founder just around the bend
But I love the water's laughter so I'll see it through the end
And I'm moving on my way,
Letting go the rope
Casting off dull certainty
And reaching for that brightly shining--
Moving on my way,
And I'm letting go the rope
Casting off dull certainty
And reaching for that brightly shining hope!
Brightly shining hope!
O brightly shining hope!
Brightly shining hope!
O brightly shining hope!
I always liked the song, from the first time I heard Eileen McGann sing it live. But what made the deepest impression was the time I had it on my headphones while I was getting my face zapped at the electrologist. Here I was, early in my own transition, and hearing those lyrics brought tears to my eyes. My poor electrologist though she had the voltage turned up too high on the machine! I had to assure here that my tears were just from the song I was listening to.