Hello everyone I got a question for you all, because lately I haven't been doing too well...

I feel like I'm fake. Not sure how to describe it...
Like that I'm acting like a girl but I'm not one and never "will" be one. How do/did you cope with it. Or am I looking at it the wrong way I don't know anymore

I know how you feel it's making me very suicidle.how long you been on hormones?I been on them for 5 weeks

It takes time to become comfortable in the role and accept that the image you project is accepted by other. When you reach that point you are relaxed in public and don't worry what others feel. I reached that point in my second years of cross living and didn't even realize that was where my head was until I made the decision to have surgery. Looking back I could see how unhappy I was as a male, how uncomfortable I was first appearing as a female and then how happy I had become in my new role.

Hello Luna Star, first you are not a fake.  I also felt like a fake but worked hard to get past those thoughts.  If you are in transition, always keep in mind it's a process and not necessarily a long one.  In fact recorded YouTube videos (many?) on my process.  Numerous times thoughts of feeling fake and getting over it were the subject matter of the recordings.  Making it real for myself was the goal.  Today I consider myself the real deal.

Before I elaborate, please try to explain why you feel fake.  Just like myself, confident you can get over this rough patch.

Anne,

My Channel: https://www.youtube.com/AnneEdwardzReports

Hugs, Luna Star.

I suspect this, like most of our collective trans-related neuroses and fears, is all in your head.  Are you seeing signs from others that they're not accepting you as a girl?  (And if you are seeing such signs, are you actually seeing them or are you merely imagining them?)  Chances are, very few people care about this other than you!

I started out with the same worries.  It's difficult.  Comfort comes with repetition, like being the new kid in school.  Remember those feelings?  As if you'll never fit in, that you don't understand the rules or where things are?  And everyone around you seems so comfortable and knows all these things you don't?

But you remember how you eventually figured it out?  And looking back, nobody really cared that you were new?

Not sure that helps, but I wanted to throw it out there anyway.  Even at this stage in my transition, I have days where I feel like I'm faking being female.  I think many of us do.  My strategy for coping with this is to forget about trying to be female (which I personally think I'll never reach, no matter how much time, money, surgery, and therapy I throw at the problem), and to focus on the thing I do have control over, which is being a great "me".

And that "me" is generally female, passable most of the time, and happy that I'm moving gradually further away from the guy I once was.  A work in progress.

But to get back to the original point, perhaps focus on a less distant target.  (And as a brief aside, most of us can get to a decent level of femininity if we put in the time and effort.  You will get there, even if it might seem miles away right now.)  Distant goals are often hard to achieve.  How about focusing on reaching something smaller that will give you renewed purpose and a sense of satisfaction when you achieve it?  Not sure what stage in your transition you're at, but take pride in each of the baby steps you make.

Also, maybe spend some time thinking about what being female means to you?  Are you setting your sights on an impossible goal (for me, this would be becoming a young, pretty girl - I'm not young, nor pretty!)  Women come in all shapes and sizes, and they're all equally female.  Surely there's a niche somewhere in that spectrum where you'd fit rather neatly?

Not sure if any of that helps, so I'll pass on another hug.  Sorry you're feeling rotten.

Thank you for the replies everyone

To clarify I'm not on hormones yet but it most likely won't be that long.
I don't just imagine things, my family sometimes talk about me and not seeing that I'm female etc.
Which can be hurtful alongside some quarrels at times where they are sure to remind me I'll never be a real woman.

The definition of being a woman for me is just to be able and blend in with the other women and just been seen as an equal in a sense. Of course self awareness issues are also a part of the problem but ya...

I've been full-time for two years and I still feel fake - like I'm putting on an act.

I've accepted that that's my gender identity - that I'll feel like I wish I could be a woman but that I'm not one. I'm still thrilled with my transition.

I feel like this from time to time. For me it's that I'm not used to presenting as female in the world, so I kind of feel like I'm doing something wrong when I do. At home away from the world's prying eyes, it just feels natural though, which is what keeps me on the path.

I know it can feel that way especially when your first starting out and you see your body doesn't match how you feel on the inside. It takes time to see on the outside how you feel on the inside and for you to finally realize the girl on the inside is on the outside too. It takes time and eventually you won't feel like a fraud. Big hugs
Mariah

We all go though the same thing babe. Be kind to yourself - you know who you are more than anyone else. You are a woman! period.

Stay strong and big hugs!

Well,
For some it takes time.. be patient your not on hormones.. trust me they kicked my butt.. also through therapy I finally accepted myself.. once that happened I cant act male at all..
I think I can help here a bit.. you are probably much younger than me.
I am 56 and once I through therapy quit blocking all the feelings I had as a child and my younger years which never really changed that day I found myself and was so dang happy. for me it was so long to get to be me I was so excited nothing could stop my.. I truly believe I am female and deserve to be me.. completely..
I consider my brain CIS .. it just got the wrong body.. how it happened I don't care..
I am a woman..  so give yourself time girl.. get good therapy.. accept yourself for who you really are..its between the ears not the legs.
Keri aka Dodie

There are times I feel exactly like you.

I am full time for around 9 months now, almost 2 years on hormones... and sometimes, specially when I am not feeling confident enough... I feel like I am acting... even my voice starts sounding different... my self-steem goes down the hill and I feel so bad that I enter a cycle where I feel each minute more horrible, like everyone is noticing I am a transwoman... or even worse... thinking I am a man dressed like a woman...

Sometimes a trigger for me is when I am about to go to bed and I change my clothes... when I take off my padded bra and I see very small tits...  I feel like I am a big fake...

But this only happens when I am not confident enough... is is mainly a self steem problem for me.

There are days where I am feeling specially feminine and I blend in quite easily... those moments make me realize I am not a fake... no one here is a fake... we are just adapting to a new life, and we only need more confidence!

As Carmenkate said - I think we all go through periods of time where we don't feel like an authentic female. Those feelings come from who we were in our past lives and from the challenges we face transitioning into our new lives.

We are effectively the new kid on the block; it's like we are in a foreign land with a foreign language, living among foreign people with foreign customs and those people may be hostile to us.  So yes, it is perfectly natural to feel like an outsider until we learn the lay of the land.

The way I combat those feelings is to just keep reminding myself that I am a female and that I have every right to be in that foreign land. Just because I don't yet fully speak the native language or have a complete grasp of the local customs doesn't mean that I don't belong there; it means that I arrived late to the party through no fault of my own.

I feel the same way from time to time. Agreed with others above that so much of this is just in our own heads. I figure I am learning to how to express myself outwardly as the person I really am AND at the same time worrying about passing. So much of femininity is learned behavior and lets face it, we did not get to grow up as females with literally decades of experience, from toddler to adult, to help shape how we wish to present ourselves in society.

I still have to consciously think about posture, sentence structure, and that tends to create a feeling of artificiality. I have been living part time for about 6 months and have found that I feel more and more natural every day. My problem is that due to the current job situation, I cannot transition in place and it pays enough to suck it up for a while to fund my transition. The current irony of my life is that I really feel like I am acting when I present as male! That has become what really feels fake and artificial. Very very much looking forward to the day I can just be me all of the time.

I've been on hrt for over 11 years and fulltime over nine and still feel fake, like a wanna be that will never be. I don't know if I can get past it or not.  I just keep living day to day though, things go ok for the most part, but I still overanalyze how people treat me and what they say. But by outward appearances, I know I give off confidence and such, but don't feel that way inside at all. 

Yennifer,  If your emotions are not responding well to your hormones please see a doctor. 

Luna, it's normal to have self doubt.  It's the weight of all of your pre-conceptions laying against what you feel and know.  Trans is a real physical difference in your brain that exists before you ever take hormones.  The only choice you have around it is how to handle it.  If you move forward then you are not fake but simply had an unusual origin and some unimportant biological differences.

Mod Edit- quote removed along with not cool since no one is going to no what you were referencing. Remaining response remains.

just take it a day at a time and enjoy who you are and where you want to go.

Quote from: Luna Star on June 17, 2015, 02:03:31 AM
I feel like I'm fake. Not sure how to describe it...
Like that I'm acting like a girl but I'm not one and never "will" be one. How do/did you cope with it. Or am I looking at it the wrong way I don't know anymore

Hi Luna Star,

Perhaps it would be helpful to think about this the other way.  Do you feel fake as a male?  I know most of us do.  So where does it leave us if we feel fake as a male and a female?  I know this is easier said than done, but perhaps the real answer is to be proud that you are you.  Know that you have every right to be you and if society has a problem with that, well that's their problem.   

Take care,
Paige  

Most of the time, I don't really think about gender at all, I'm just me. It's just that I fit better in a body that is outwardly perceived as female, and there are things I love about being allowed to be girly occasionally. There's no right way to be a girl, as we come in all shapes, sizes, and dispositions. I know plenty of "real" women who are very fake in public, and although I know it's not how you meant it, I think you are putting too much credit in sex assigned at birth. There is no right way to be a woman or man or somewhere between the two, nor are any of them less valid experiences. As a trans-person, you often find yourself on the periphery of the feminine and masculine experience, however it's you who will ultimately determine the way you live your life. Our lives can't be prescribed. Just be you, because you are beautiful and there's no one else suitable.

I think, perhaps, part of the problem is you're internalizing a lack of acceptance. People do need time to adjust, but how can you expect anyone else to accept you if you can't do it yourself. Ask for help when you need it, and don't be afraid of relying on a support network, as they are incredibly helpful.

Be proud that you have found yourself and are making steps to embody your true self. Letting go of the ticks and reflexes for attempting to exude masculinity was one of the harder things for me. Realizing I didn't have to anymore, and letting go of wanting to be perfectly feminine to make up for my trans-ness were extremely hard, and took me over 2 years. You are going to have to find your own Goldilocks zone for where you feel most comfortable, but once you do you'll be much less flappable.

Quote from: Dodie on June 17, 2015, 01:26:05 PM
Well,
For some it takes time.. be patient your not on hormones.. trust me they kicked my butt.. also through therapy I finally accepted myself.. once that happened I cant act male at all..
I think I can help here a bit.. you are probably much younger than me.
I am 56 and once I through therapy quit blocking all the feelings I had as a child and my younger years which never really changed that day I found myself and was so dang happy. for me it was so long to get to be me I was so excited nothing could stop my.. I truly believe I am female and deserve to be me.. completely..
I consider my brain CIS .. it just got the wrong body.. how it happened I don't care..
I am a woman..  so give yourself time girl.. get good therapy.. accept yourself for who you really are..its between the ears not the legs.
Keri aka Dodie

OMG, I can't believe you're 56, you look fabulous!

Thank you all for the encouraging words ^^. Sometimes it gets a bit harsh because not everyone in my area (at home and such) are so negative so whenever I get stress due work and at home it easily outs in disphoria.

thank you all again