Yeah you know, those mornings we all have, when this whole transitioning appears momentarily impossible. It all starts with a mirror, damn mirrors! By some twist of fate, you happen to cross one of those while barely out of bed which sends you back your reflection without discernment. And then it dawns on you, seeing your beard shadow and your bony face, that you cannot become a woman in appearance. Follows a precipitous fall down the stairs of despair. "What have I done?" you ask. "These hormones are not working!" you tell yourself. "This transition is impossible!" you finally conclude.

Well I'm just having one of those "Impossible Mornings" and I hope to climb back towards the light as soon as possible!

Thanks for reading and for your explicit or implicit support!

Martine


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Martine, I have those mornings, A LOT, and they can make your entire day a struggle!

I also have those times, late at night when spiro drags me out of bed when, passing the bathroom mirror, the gloom masks my beard shadow, and the perky teenage tits on my middle aged body and the gentle curves I'm developing shame my shrinking penis into hiding. Then I know I can be successful and a gentle smile lights my face and I can go back to sleep and dream happy dreams... until the darned spiro wakes me up again!

When the mirror mocks me I remember those happier times and I can reflect that I'm making slow steady progress and, if I don't quite look female yet, I look a tiny fraction more like one than yesterday and yesterday more than the day before.

It's a long weary road we trudge, but we can get there if we keep our dreams realistic. I don't know about you, but I don't have four million dollars to spend on surgeons, so I'll never be glamorous like Caitlyn Jenner, but it is in my power to be a middle aged woman, about as good looking as I appeared as a man and that's more than I asked for when this all started a year ago.

Be real and that's enough.

Trust me. I have those days. You can't really get over it. You just have to power through. The week after laser is tough for me because the hairs are raised and hard to shave. I have PIH going on which is just awful.

These days it's especially hard as I'm off my hormones in preparation for surgery. However I keep my eyes on the prize and I know I'll be back on my E sooner than I know it.

Sad that spiro has this side effect on you Dee. But those night crawls out of bed appear to offer you with an opportunity to smile! On a similar note, in our bathroom we have a "magical" mirror whose accompanying suspension casts a soft "beard shadow cancelling" light. If it so happens to be the first mirror I cross, I will then often experience a "possible" morning!

Ah the ups and downs oft transition!

M


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Kate, I hear you with the week following laser treatment.  The worst for me is that my beard is so strong that even after seven treatments I still have quite the shadow. Eyes on the prize like you said!

Good luck with your surgery,

M


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk