Hallo to all of you again, i say again cause i have been in this forum before 1 year. It helped me alot and after a while i talked with my wife about my feelings to be a woman. she was afraid but she supported me to do what is best for me. The strange thing was that after that i get back to the closet and didn't deal with it. I don't know which the reasons were, may be i was afraid and closed again, maybe i am a bigender and go back and forth through my gender indetities? i hope i find an answer for my self and then see what to do with this. Sometimes when my feelings of being woman are strong i think to proceed in transition and sometimes i i don't feel like it. it is not clear why i dont feel doing so, is it cause of the stereotypical society we are leaving and i am afraid the consequences or really i dont want it so and i like my manly part also?
nice to meet you again and best wishes to everyones goals 

Hi stefane 

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V M

stefane,

Welcome back. I am in a similar place. I spoke to my wife a month ago and she too, while a little worried, supports me. I am pre HRT but hoping to start low dosage soon.

There are days I just feel like giving up and going back to the act I have been doing for 50 years. It all just seems like it would be easier. I don't really have the feeling of, oh, I'm okay being a guy. It is just habit and easier at this point. I could just be that old guy I have grown to hate.

It seems like it would be easier to try to shove the genie back into the bottle and go back to what has been known all this time. Unknown is scary. Maybe it is just be the euphoria  and release of tension talking to my wife(I was very worried), but she has noticed how different I have been since accepting this and talking to her. I am more happy more of the time. I have bad days but bounce back quicker and more easily. Everything just seems better.

My favorite question. Are you in therapy right now? I find it helps me to sift through my ideas and feelings. I am a very logical person and tend to weigh all options when trying to make decisions. That leads to the potential of conflicts within.
I find my therapy encourages me to document(journal or other ways) and work through these conflicts of feeling and logic.

I have no real answers for you but to look within.

I wish you luck and a smooth journey.

With warmth,

Joanna

Hi Stefane and welcome back to Susan's.

Welcome (back) to Susan's.

Hi Stefane, welcome back to Susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Hi Stefane,

Welcome, back, to Susan's... Happy you have re-joined us

You are not alone in the way feelings are strong then wane, it happened to me for so long. However you are lucky in that you do have support from your wife. I wish you well on your journey...

Look forward to seeing you around

L Katy 

Thank you all and its very nice to be again with people that they can understand! Joanna no i am not in therapy right now but i have been in for a lot of years but in reality i hadn't adress these feelings and thoughts as i should be! it is in my priorities to start soon cause my financial are not in the best situation as i am in a master degree to continue educating for my work. the thing is that i am at 38 and i want to clear this up to see what i want to do because the time is passing!
i am very happy to be here and i am here for everyone who needs to talk! kisses!

stefane,

If you are in a masters program there may be support available at no charge. I know that students that go to the university near me have a full support organization aimed at students.

Not trying to be pushy. Sounds like you are in a pretty good place. I know when I was 38 that seemed both young and getting old so I certainly understand wanting to clear this up for yourself. I love my wife and kids but wish I had come to this realization earlier. It seems like everyone says that. I'm pretty dense in a way. I thought I just had a kink about cross dressing. Wasn't till this last January this even became a thought, much less an option.

I hope you can find the clarity you are looking for. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. There are a lot of people with a lot of experience. As you have realized, a trained professional is  a great tool.

With warmth,

Joanna

you are right Joanna, sometimes i have been pusy about these feellings. The problem is that in all these years i have presented myself as a man with all maners and now it is difficult to open up and live here. This goes to my school too cause i know all my teachers and it is very difficult right now to discuss such things with them. i have a very nice job- i am a supervisor in community services and if i am going to transition i must live from here there is no option to do that in work place. i live in creece and the people here are not so opened minded as other places. if i am going to procced i must change my life and maybe place too and that is very difficult if you have a setle life. i also have a daugther which   i love like nothing else in the world. i believe too that it is not only a fetich to wear woman's clothe and i feel the desire to be one a long time ago. maybe i will start my therapy and if i want to continue i will schedule my steps to transition but in the final steps i know that i must move from greece and my work too.

thank you Joanna for your response and for your interest!

Welcome back!  I am fairly new here myself but so far it's been great.  It is nice to have so many people in one place that can relate to your situation in one way or another.  The road ahead can be bumpy but take your time and reach out if you need anything.  Sometimes It's easy to feel lost and alone but you aren't. The guys and girls here are very beautiful people. Good luck in finding your path!

thank you Jenaco!

Welcome back, Stefane! I've settled into being bi-gender or genderfluid. It's just a matter of looking inside yourself and eventually the answer comes to you. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn