Kelly It is alright to not be all girl. I am post surgical 33 years and I am 6'2" or 1.9 meters tall. This makes me much taller than most people. A couple of weeks ago I saw a man and a woman in an argument so I stopped walking The man was much bigger that the woman but still smaller than I was. If the man had force the woman to do something she didn't want to, I would have been in there ready to fight him. Yes it's not very feminine behavior but it didn't stop the doctors from giving me treatment or surgery. We are special people in that we have a bit of both worlds in us. It helps us to understand others better and in turn makes us better people. I think you will do fine when you meet the doctors as they will understand you are new to these feelings. You might also want to print off a copy of you introduction to this web site as well if you think you might have a hard time talking to the doctors about it. They may seem a little scary and first but hopefully you will come to like them. Because the doctors understand the problems of treatment, they are going to be extra careful with you so it may take a few visits for the doctors to understand how strongly you feel about this. Don't worry and were are here to talk with you. Just remember that i am about 8 hours earlier in the day than you are so I might be slow to respond to your post.

So im still a girl because when i accidentally read your post wrong i thought it said its alright not to be a girl i was devastated. lol

Yes you still are 

I second Laura_7 in saying Yes you still are.

Wait you second guess her! 

Well to second guess is a different meaning

to second means simply support...
it comes originally from making a statement, the second voice giving it enough meaning for it to be really important.


hugs

Like in I second the motion. A statement of approval.
You are going through the same thing I went through about 50 years ago but we didn't have personal computers or the internet.

Im sorry plz use baby terms.  im dumb

Quote from: KellBelle14 on June 20, 2015, 03:31:03 PM
Im sorry plz use baby terms.  im dumb

Not dumb, just inexperienced. You can and will learn. Adults sometimes have use language for so long they forget what it was once like and say things that are not understood. Sometimes they even do this with other adults.

I wan't to be a girl so bad my mind is fighting against that though. i dont like that. i have severe anxiety. i want to be a girl but im so scared that is fading slowly

What you feel is completely normal.

You don't know exactly what will happen and thus there is a certain amount of stress.
The stress makes it all seem a bit bigger. But there is no reason for it.
Just relax and trust all will be ok.
There is no reason to worry or doubt. All willl turn out all right.

You had this feelings for a long time, like wanting to paint your nails...being girly...
just relax, it is there and will remain. It will not be there all of the time, and that is completely ok.
You can do some non girly stuff from time to time.
It will always be there though.
Just have some trust.

The mind often comes up with doubt. Just know that alll will be ok...
now that you know what it is, and that it might be a bit weaker sometimes but that it will remain.
Try to relax and do something you like... take a few deep breaths... and try to have some fun and a nice weekend 

hugs

Kelly you have to find something to keep your mind busy, play a game, play music, read a book, you have to stop thinking about this. Try thinking about happy thoughts like what it will be like when you become a girl. If that doesn't work, lay down, close your eyes and try to clear your mind and not think of anything. I do this sometimes when I need to relax. You fear everything is going to go away but look at what you have already done. You have told your parents and you have an appointment with the doctor on monday. You have done far more than many people on this web site. You should be proud of what you have already done. You are on the road to treatment and you are 10 years ahead of when I started.

I know what you are going through because I have had times when I couldn't sleep because of everything running through my head. I know that nights are the worst time but you need to try and get some sleep.

You don't have to worry about not wanting to be a girl. That feeling will be with you until you become one. Now instead of wanting to be one, I am happy as one. At times the feeling may not be as strong but it will return so don't worry about losing it.

Hey, Guess what i hate triggers especially pictures of girls with their boys or boys talking about their girls. it reminds me im not a girl and therefore i cannot act like one.

First, don't look at those pictures until you have more strength and can handle them. You are a girl in the inside and that's what counts. The body will come latter. Laura and I already see the girl inside you but it may take a while for the others to see what we see. You might want to take notes about this if you want to talk to your therapist. I have to work during the week and I have to go for lunch tomorrow to celebrate the family birthdays. We need to get you comfortable so you don't panic when we aren't around. That means you will have to figure out what your triggers are and try to avoid them for now. Life will get better soon but you have to hang in there until the doctors get to know you a little better.

Why can't i just be a girl everything is rifting. There is a giant fight internally and it sucks. My mind is telling me im male because my body is but i feel as if thats wrong.

We all have our tasks in life. Some of our problems hard harder that others. I think we have  been given the most difficult task of all but it will make you stronger than everybody else. I wished my life could be different but now I wouldn't change anything because I can help others with what I learned.

Yeah im so scared that im not trans and my mind is making this up. I know i've been girlish in the past but im scared. I've only felt depressed since the horrible rush of thoughts came over my head when Testosterone started really working.

I was off typing a PM for somebody hurting as much as you. You don't have to be scared because there is nothing to fear. The depression I can't help you with much other than to try and distract you. Treatment will get rid of the depression so you shouldn't have to live with for to much longer. If this gets real bad, see if your father or mother can stay up with you and help you. Being alone makes it hurt worst than being with somebody else. Playing a game with somebody else or even talking can reduce the depression that you are feeling.

I am a bit concerned for you because I know you are posting in the middle of your night. How much sleep are you getting? Are you even sleeping at all. If you aren't sleeping, tell your parents because they might be able to take you to the hospital where you can get something that will help you sleep. The depression is harder to handle without sleep than with sleep. Having 8 hours of your day sleeping will reduce the number of hours you have to deal with it while you are awake.

I am going to be away from the computer for a little under an hour, I will leave in 5 minutes and be back about 35 or 40 minutes after.

Um i post during the day.
What made you think it was nighttime when i was posting?
Sometimes at night but mostly day.

My mistake, for some reason I thought you were located in the UK . The question still stands and that is how much sleep are you getting a night?