CW: Sexual stuff

I was wondering if people find intimacy easier once they've started T?

I'm dating an awesome woman, but when it comes to touch/receiving in the context of sex, I really struggle with it. I don't get any joy from being touched between the legs. I haven't dated/slept with many people because of feeling so uncomfortable in my body. Some things, like penetration, I love to do to a partner but having it done to myself I find really awful. 

My friend said that a lot of guys, once they start T do become more comfortable with their bodies and enjoy touch more. I'm lucky in that I am dating a really lovely person who's so respectful of boundaries... I know she enjoys intimacy with me, but I do get frustrated that I don't enjoy being touched back...

Do people have similar experiences and does T help? With any luck, I'll be at a GIC in September and hope to be on T the end of this year/beginning of next year. I've been out in work/real life experience since March and will have been out socially nine months in a week's time.

So, before I offer some advice, note that I don't have a whole lot (if any) bottom/genital dysphoria, so take my post with a grain of salt if it helps.  My sex life and the enjoyment I get out of it hasn't changed between pre- and post-T, but then again, the use of my female-bodied parts never gave me any issues, and still doesn't. That being said, I could definitely see how the confidence most trans guys (including myself) gain after being on T a while could contribute to a more fulfilling sex life while using places you ordinarily wouldn't have, pre-T.

Also, another option to consider might being 'butt stuff,' if your partner is willing, but that's between you and her. I know a lot of AFAB people can find pleasure in that, and it might help in taking your mind off the parts you're less comfortable with. I'd recommend bringing it up before you guys even hit the bedroom, though, as I feel like something like that shouldn't just be dropped in your partner's lap last minute and expected to be done ASAP.

I would not say that guys become more comfortable with their bodies but I would say that guys often find confidence and more acceptance in themselves and the body presentation that they have. Which is really the key in all things not just sex. If you do not enjoy being touched in a particular area perhaps you can have your partner explore your body and let her know where touch feels most pleasant, how you like to be touched in those areas. Maybe getting yourself off with your partner touching your elsewhere is the key. There are so many ways to have sex or find sexual pleasure in ourselves and our partners beyond penetrative or all give or receive to get off that you can find. I would say the key is to keep the communication with your partner open about how your feeling, how they are feeling and in particular for yourself get out of your head. The more apprehensive, anxious and anticipatory about the end game the harder it is to just enjoy the moment you are in. Getting off is just an added benefit of sex with someone you care about.

A forewarning, I'm gay and happily married to my partner of over a decade.

That being said, I want to offer some words of encouragement. My partner and I have been together for a long time. I came out while we were dating, which did change the dynamics. Before T sex was something that we did because we were together. I enjoyed it to a certain point, but a lot about my body and my feelings toward it affected my ability to enjoy being intimate.

Post T I do find that I feel better overall. I still have some hangups about my body. However, the feeling of confidence and security in myself has helped me greatly.

I don't think that we ever fully get away from our dysphoria. Dysphoria comes in so many shapes that we sometimes get blindsided by it, but it doesn't have to be a nail. now my dysphoria is similar to my partner's. I worry about being in shape, about being visually appealing, about how he enjoys being intimate... Those are normal worries for anyone in a relationship. I still worry about my size and how I can climax, but in the heat of things I forget to worry because I feel so positive about myself overall and I enjoy making him feel good.

My advice is this: explore. If you have a hard time being touched in a certain way or you want to know your own boundaries, explore it in a safe environment. What we did was talk. We set a romantic mood and agreed beforehand that we would just enjoy the feeling. If anything made me or him uncomfortable we would say a safe word. We had a word for stop and for pause. I learned that in certain situations, I was okay with being touched in certain ways. In others, it was a no go and I hated it. Your boundaries are yours. It's difficult to explore them with someone else, but I think that doing so can be very beneficial.
Sex for me, pre and post t is very different. But, it's mostly because of me. How I feel will not be the same for others.

You said that your partner was understanding, which is great. Sex is more than just getting off. Sex is an experience that should always be enjoyed. My advice is to talk. Whether you are pre or post t or with a new partner or an old one, never stop the communication. It may sound awkward, but it really isn't. Talking about what turns you on or what turns your partner on is very enjoyable.

If you find something that is a no go, tell your partner. Never compromise yourself and your feelings.

T didnt have any effect on my enjoyment of sex

top surgery however made me more comfortable with it cause now i can take my shirt off and let people touch my chest

TMI Warning?

The downstairs growth has helped me a lot. I feel better being naked in front of my girlfriend now, where before I'd stay mostly clothed. I'm not okay with or interested in penetration and I don't see that changing ever. Probably the best part of the growth on T has been that I'm big enough to where my girlfriend can use a more "male-oriented hand motion" on me than in the past.

For me, it's made me more comfortable which has translated to being more confident in the bedroom. Communication is key though. Talk to her and see if she minds if you do things a little differently. When I wasn't keen on being touched, I'd take care of my girlfriend and then finish myself. There are definitely options.

Quote from: ftmax on June 22, 2015, 02:40:34 PM
TMI Warning?

The downstairs growth has helped me a lot. I feel better being naked in front of my girlfriend now, where before I'd stay mostly clothed. I'm not okay with or interested in penetration and I don't see that changing ever. Probably the best part of the growth on T has been that I'm big enough to where my girlfriend can use a more "male-oriented hand motion" on me than in the past.

For me, it's made me more comfortable which has translated to being more confident in the bedroom. Communication is key though. Talk to her and see if she minds if you do things a little differently. When I wasn't keen on being touched, I'd take care of my girlfriend and then finish myself. There are definitely options.

Unfortunately I had no additional growth down there even though I've been on T 5 years.  But on the bright side i was big to begin with so it's not a big deal.

I know most guys do get growth (some significant) after being on T but i wasn't one of the lucky ones.

I have no problem receiving oral unless i feel im taking too long.  If i feel im taking too long i get nervous and that effects arousal so its a waste of time to let her or him continue.  Rubbing genitals together (especially with female bodied people) gets me off really well so if i take too long with oral i tell them i'd prefer to do that instead.  (Even though the truth is I'd love them to continue oral til i cum but i have guilt over taking too long that prevents me from orgasming)

if u think "hand motions" feel good u should try humping her pussy like u are ->-bleeped-<-ing her.... amazinggggg 

Quote from: AleksiJason on June 22, 2015, 03:30:49 PM
if u think "hand motions" feel good u should try humping her like u are ******* her.... amazinggggg 

Prosthetics with pleasure kits. Even better.

**Possible Trigger Warning (not sure) for dudes who like prosthetics (dysphoria related)....**

i wish i was able to use prosthetics but they make me even more dysphoric

i know they ease a lot of guys dysphoria, but for me they are just a reminder of what i DONT have that i need....

it messes with my head wearing one...like a constant reminder of what i dont have

i cant even wear an STP on long road trips because it triggers dysphoria

so im stuck sitting on teh toilet in the men's room having a panic attack....hoping noone notices im sitting and pissing or hears me pissing (because female and male genitals sound different pissing)

i wish i was able to use one to make love to a woman but for me it just makes me feel worse i dont have the "real" thing

Quote from: Peacebone on June 21, 2015, 09:13:20 AM
CW: Sexual stuff

I was wondering if people find intimacy easier once they've started T?

I'm dating an awesome woman, but when it comes to touch/receiving in the context of sex, I really struggle with it. I don't get any joy from being touched between the legs. I haven't dated/slept with many people because of feeling so uncomfortable in my body. Some things, like penetration, I love to do to a partner but having it done to myself I find really awful. 

My friend said that a lot of guys, once they start T do become more comfortable with their bodies and enjoy touch more. I'm lucky in that I am dating a really lovely person who's so respectful of boundaries... I know she enjoys intimacy with me, but I do get frustrated that I don't enjoy being touched back...

Do people have similar experiences and does T help? With any luck, I'll be at a GIC in September and hope to be on T the end of this year/beginning of next year. I've been out in work/real life experience since March and will have been out socially nine months in a week's time.

I didn't get on T until the end of last year, and I wasn't "full dose" until 3 months ago.  I am 45 years old.

All of my relationships have been with women and I have gotten full satisfaction just by touching them.  I don't orgasm, but it is like a mind orgasm.  I feel completely satisfied physically after they cum.  My horniness floats away (kind of weird, but not that uncommon in the butch/femme community).

My long term GF and I broke up right when I went to full dose.  It was at full dose when I got some significant growth to where I see my clitoris as more like a penis.  I am hoping now that I have some growth, when I get with someone again, I may be open to it.  In 9 months I am getting meta, so I REALLY hope I will be comfortable then.