I don't have a list but others might. Your parents medical insurance might cover the therapist so we need to know more about that. To be able to help we need to know a big city near you because at the moment we don't even know the country you are in. What did your parents say about paying for the therapist. They are supposed to be the ones who take care of things like this. You can't be expected to pay for this yourself without a job. The more you can explain what is happening here the better we can help.

I can tell this isn't going away lol its something thats always going to be there but me and my family will get this all straightened out. I remember i got a list from someone here.

Concerning therapists, you might look for someone who has gender on their list...
they could be asked how they see their role... they should be supportive and help through the process...
if they are not supportive look for another...
you might ask at a lgbt center, at plannedparenthood, or look if there were some hints on susans for your place...
you might google site:susans.org   and add the name of your place
if its connected with depression or emotional issues it might be covered...


and there are online therapists:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=187135.5

Kelly How are your parents handling this. Are they helping you look or do you have to do this all your self. Do you think your parents would be willing to come to this site so we could work with them. They can create their own logon as a Signifiant other and talk with us directly.

Sadly one thing we do know and that is what you are feeling isn't going to go away and it isn't going to get any better without treatment. We have gone through what you are going through and we remember how it made us feel.

Treatment can take time and one visit isn't enough to work through your years of problems.

Take care and keep us updated.

Im actually kinda scared my trans is ocd in disguise
Then that means im not a girl!?!?

There are two possibilities.
1. The pressure you are under could causes other problems to come out. The only way to help this is to find things to keep you busy and away from triggers. This might be what is causing your anxiety attacks.
2. It is possible to have more that on condition at a time. Transsexualism is a defect in the brain that can't be changed. It is possible  to have another conditions along with it. The one that scares me at the moment is you wanting to purge. If that is something you have done in the past, that is a real nasty dangerous problem that has killed people early in life and needs to be treated fast.

I think the transsexualism is here to stay and has always been with you but the other issues bother me because most of us don't have all the things that you seem to have.

The weird thing is reading other peoples stories are a trigger. It makes me think im not even a girl because they experience it differently which makes me then depressed.

The point of good story telling is to take you out of your life and put you someplace you have never been for a short time. It's best when you don't insert your life into the story and just live the life the author intended. I enjoy Science fiction and have been to many different stars and many different times. There are worlds so different that what I know in this life can't be applied to that life. Sometimes the person who's life I share is a man or it might be a woman. Sometimes I share the life of a creature that has never been seen before. It's only for a short time and you leave the story with memories of something new and different. If seeing a story this way troubles you, you shouldn't read these stories. Before I was able to get proper medical treatment this was one of the ways I used to escape my pain for a few hours.
There is nothing wrong with forgetting about your life for a few hours and enjoying the life of a story. Sometimes I am a little sad when a story end and there is no more adventure to share.
You don't have to try and hold on to the girl part of you that hard because it isn't going away. When I write the post to you, I put my girl away and look at the hurting boy in me and the hurt inside of you so I can teach you what I learned. The girl in me is out of place and will wait until it's time for her to come out again. There is no need for a fight inside you because everybody can be happy together.

Is it a problem that on those fake gender quizzes i still hope for female and i love that i have a female brain?

I am not sure which test you are talking about. I took one that was mentioned in a thread here and I came out 100% female and I expected to be 50 to 75% female. The real problem with those test is the same problem we have. Define a male and a female. If you really think about it you can't and the only true measure is what you feel inside. Doctors understand this and use a different standard to measure what we are.

You could try one thing:
ocd could mean sometimes you feel like you have a certain thought running through your head.

Imagine an angel then... many people believe in angels... a being of white light... and ask them to take away those thoughts...
just a short mental note... then relax and trust...
this could help you subconsciously to relax...

sounds a bit odd but you might try... it helped some people to relax... and to trust in a good outcome.

Just try to relax some and try to breathe regularly, often its connected with shallow breath.

Those feelings being a girl were with you for a long time.
Thoughts of what if etc are simply a distraction. Just try to calm down, do something you like and have trust your feelings will be there.
They always will. Just relax and have some trust.

A therapist should have additional coping strategies. Like breathing and others. So it will get better and better.
Do some things you like until then.

What was the game with the female character you chose ?


many *hugs*

Is it fine for me to love being treated as a girl?

There is nothing wrong with enjoying being treated as a girl. It is another sign that you are a transexual and that you need treatment as soon as possible. As I said before, we know you are a girl inside and when you are, you enjoy many girl things. Now there are girls that enjoy some things like baseball but they still enjoy being a girl as well and would be upset if you called them a boy.

You seem to be doing better today. What have you been doing today and how are you staying happy. We would like to know you are doing better so let us know how things are working out for you.

Quote from: KellBelle14 on June 23, 2015, 09:43:04 PM
Is it fine for me to love being treated as a girl?

I would guess that half of the people on this site would say YES!

Im not happy my ocd is making me insane.
Am i sure i don't just have psychosis ?

As I said before it is possible to have more than one condition at the same time. How do you know you have OCD. Are you being treated for it? There is only one condition I know of where a persons mind wants to be the opposite gender and that's transsexualism. OCD is something I know what it is but I don't have it. There is a possibly that if your transsexualism is properly treated it will also help the OCD because the OCD could be cause by the pressure you are under as a transexual. If you have a doctor treating the OCD, it might help the doctor to know that you are also a transexual.

You may have other problems but many are caused by the fact you are a transexual and you ability to handle the pain it causes isn't very good. You need to look at Laura's coping instruction and work with them. They can help you relax a bit and make some of the pain go away. The ability to cope will not fix your problem but it will give us some time to get you in medical treatment where they can solve your problems.

Talking about medical treatment, have you or your parents been able to find a doctor? It is important we get you in therapy as soon as possible to avoid what happened last week end. It's not good for you to deal with that much pain.

One question how does this happen? I still don't understand how im a girl in a guys body even though it feels normal to be a girl i just don't see how its possible even though i know it is? How does this happen?

That question has been asked many many times and there is a growing body of scholarly work that strongly suggests a biological explanation.  Basically we are born this way.  Being trans is not a disease or something wrong with us it is normal human variation and has existed throughout history and multiple cultures.

The tough part is understanding ourselves and dealing with a family and community that may have some backward ideas as we find our place and path forward.

I am delighted to consider that you don't have to miss all of your girlhood and, at your age, have a great chance to realize your dreams.

Im terrified that im going to be falsely diagnosed transsexual. Im terrified that im just a cismale help

Try to break out of compulsive thoughts with the image of the angel... taking away your thoughts, and help you come to a place of peace...

now take a few deep breaths...


Come to a place where you can be serene and think about things in a much more quiet way...


well how many cis people do you know who would like to be a girl ?
Alone questioning is a sign in itself. Cis people usually do not question their gender.

This will be a step by step process.
Nobody will rush things.
You will try one step after the other, for example make some changes to hair or clothing style, and see how that makes you feel.
You will then decide on the next steps, together with your counselor.  It can be fun to try different things.

hugs