Hey, so my name's James.  I'm a 31 year old, white, straight, cis-gendered guy who pretty much checks off all the boxes labeled "privilege."  As such it's really hard for me to have a solid, fundamental understanding of a changing social landscape and systemic problems such as discrimination.  This is particularly difficult for transgender issues, and I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, but efforts to educate often come across as far less didactic and far more dictatorial.  Imagine somebody telling you Pluto is not a planet but never explaining why it's not a planet, what the difference is between a planet and a dwarf planet.  It's sort of like that.

So in a nutshell I'm looking for a place to ask questions.  I want to understand, I want to be an ally, and I want to be a strong proponent for transgender rights.

I'd like to tell a story about myself.  When I was a sophomore in high school some 15 years ago, my English class had to do a penpal project with students in Japan.  Our teacher was offering up suggestions for things we could talk about and she explained that Japan really liked to keep things small.  They liked small apartments, small cars, small yards and so forth.  Maybe it would be interesting to tell them about how we liked to keep things big.  I raised my hand and explained that Japan was a country of more than 130 million on a mountainous archipelago and kept things small because they had to.  Somehow I came across horribly and the whole class became dismissive of me, with the idea being that I was suggesting that bigger is inherently better (technically, if I had to make an argument I'd argue that all other things being equal, personal choice is best.  On a relatively small landmass choice is extremely limited).  I was trying to help us not be condescending to not brag to Japanese students, and somehow my efforts completely backfired.  My point with the story is that my whole life I've come across poorly - it's a trait I've somehow never gotten better with.  This is meant to be a safe space and while I want to ask questions, I recognize there are good odds I'm going to come across as hostile, which all I can do is promise is completely unintentional.  So I'm wondering what are the best resources I have for gender fluidity 101, and where are the best places (and what are the best ways) to ask questions?

Hi James, Welcome to Susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good Luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hello and welcome

Well often people relate to what is said in an emotional context.

If emotions are stirred, not many people are able to lean back and look at possible meanings.

Your statement they had to imo implies some kind of restraint which people emotionally would like to discard.

An expression like: historically there were few places available and people learned to cope  is much less evoking emotions...

well... its not like people only listen to logical implications... and depending on the persons emotional undertones might be regarded far more than content...

A relaxed and positive attitude might help... not trying to trump but presenting evidence...
its possible to remain calm and state facts and if necessary needs...
and even emotions, in a non reproachful way... just saying what is felt...


hugs

Hi James 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hey James,

Welcome to the best place for transgender questions I know of.  You are a bright person and can respect how often our responses are as individuals rather than speaking for the group. 

Sometimes it seems that being transgender is the only thing we have in common here and some people don't accept that label either.  Part of our short hand for acknowledging this is YMMV.  Yes your mileage may vary and there are completely unique journeys with some common and familiar aspects.  The most obvious disparity is between our internalized sense of self and gender and our physical being.  Many of us can relate to the idea of knowing what we look like (before transition) is not who we really are.  We may refer to gender as being "assigned" at birth but not being our intrinsic truth.  Cisgender people are rarely plagued by doubts about their gender.  Not every transgender person transitions, has surgery or thinks of themselves in a binary, male or female way.  We are interesting and complicated:-)

I particularly welcome you as an ally.  We know we will always be a tiny minority, even in our LGBTQIA+ world.  While civil rights have seldom been granted by a majority, we can look at Ireland's recent vote and know that people can accept diversity.  That acceptance is usually preceded by being better informed and maybe even knowing some one who is different.  Have fun asking questions and exploring.

Hi James, welcome to Susan's Place! I'm near Boston. I would never say that Pluto wasn't a planet. It's just not the planet I'm from! I'm non-binary/genderfluid/bi-gender. It's not something I really expect people to get, but I will certainly try to explain it to interested parties. See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi James,

Welcome to Susan's.

Thank you for being an ally and wanting to learn.

You may want to go slow and learn the vocabulary and context. Some of us have been through a lot and intent is  trumped by impact.

Hi James and welcome to Susan's

I think you have touched on some interesting points in your intro and certainly look forward to your support.

Being transgender is a tough subject for many folks to get their heads around and whilst we are all very, very similar, the effects on us through our lives vary quite widely. We come to places like this embracing and being part of a like minded family, albeit virtually for most; where we can exchange support and warmth. We come here because its safe, open and friendly.

FWIW I don't know which planet I came from, but the earth is round and its home 

L Katy 

Thank you all for the lovely welcome.  I think I'd like to take some time to try to formulate my opinions as clearly as possible before I begin throwing them out there.

Cynthia - I will do my best to be respectful, and I fully appreciate the point that impact can supersede goal and intent.  However, on the flip side, a lot what confuses me is something that I'm not getting educated about.  In fact, it feels like a lot of my transgender supporting friends, to be perfectly honest, use both sides of an argument when it suits them and I'm having trouble reconciling this.  Are they actually sort of greasing the wheels of their minds to support their goals, or am I ignorant of the depth of what's going on?  You may have noticed I actually joined this group over half a year ago, I've simply been concerned with being an outsider who may do more harm to a group than good for myself.  These are considerations I've had for a long time, and unfortunately transgendered issues are incredibly difficult to learn about if you don't have a functional way to actually educate yourself.  So while I do think I'll lurk a bit and read, I'm afraid there is likely a point where I will have to pierce the issues and directly deal with them.

Here are a few materials and stories that might help you relate:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885

Concerning both sides, well when people are together there is some kind of group influence.
If something is said some people tend to agree without giving it much further thought, maybe because its felt not fitting into the group mood right now.
Staying calm and stating ones opinion in a non offensive way might help.


hugs