Hello to everyone, my name is Claire. I've known I was a girl all my life and I have been in a constant battle with being transgender for over forty years of my life. As most of us who are this age know, growing up as a child, this was something that was not looked upon with kind eyes or an understanding heart. I have spent most of my life trying to understand what's going on and why I feel this way. It has been a long and very hard journey which I know most everyone here can relate to and empathize with. I spent the earlier part of my life dealing with guilt, for both the internal feminine feelings that I had and well as the not being able to "flip a switch" to become the person I knew I was. I live in a small town and this is something that was and still is looked down on very much. It is still thought of as a deviant behavior and those who display this type of behavior are mentally unstable. For this reason, I have worked to bury, or at least control, this part of me as best I could. Thankfully, when I was able to gain access to the internet several years ago, I soon found out that I was not alone and over the course of years, I have been able to much more fully understand what's going on. That was very helpful because unfortunately, all of the counseling I have gone through hasn't been of any help.
Through out most of my life I have been able to deal with the battle that rages inside me and my mind, however over the past few years, I have found my self starting to lose this battle, especially this past six months. I am having constant anxiety attacks and I know that something has got to change or I will lose my mind. I have started to alter my appearance a little and I'm trying to find whatever ways I can of being more feminine without drawing too much attention to myself. I would start transitioning immediately if it weren't for the fact that I am married and have children, two of which are still in school. I don't want to do anything that would jepordize my relationship with them nor do I want to see them being taunted and shunned by those around them because of me. I don't know what to do, but I do know that I must do something soon or I may start losing my ability to function. I'm scared and I feel as if I have no where to turn and no one to talk to. As I said earlier, there are no true theripist around here and so trying to talk to a professional is next to impossible.
Anyways, I thank you for taking the time to read this post and resond to it.
Love,
Claire
