But what if im not actually questioning what if this is a figment of my imagination - very huge imagination btw.

This will all be found out in due time with your therapist.

If it was only an imagination you would not have that much fun along the first steps because you can only feel real joy if it comes from inside.


hugs

Kelly, when I first started in therapy I had doubts much like you did and though therapy might make the girl feeling go away. To deal with this fear, I decide what ever the results of therapy, I would be happy. If they could make me happy as a male, that would end the depression. If I ended up as a female and it ended the depression, that would make me happy as well.

We see a part of ourself in you and sadly if that's true, you will never be happy as a male. It would be far easer for you to remain a male, but I think your path in life will be as a female.

I have ask questions about how you are doing finding therapy and you don't answer these questions. We have a hard time giving you advice unless we know what is happening on your side. With the proper information I might be able to write you something to help with your parents but if you don't let us know whats going on we can only help you a little with your problem.

I may still be pre-everything (only therapist sessions) but a thing I remember I thought sometimes was "If these things/ identity are in a way fake then my whole world can be wrong and I'll never know". Paraphrasing : These feelings seem so real and if they are not real than I've lost the judgement for anything (if it's real or not).

Hope it helps in a way.

I'm just scared because i am like 100% sure i would like living as a girl more than a boy.

You have two options.
The first is to remain as you are depressed and feeling the same way you do now.
The second option is to get into therapy, face the doubts, prove them right or wrong and move on to a happy life.
Sitting there in fear isn't going to make things any better. The fact that you know a 100% you would rather be a girl means you have no reason to be scared because you are a girl inside.

Quote from: KellBelle14 on June 24, 2015, 03:07:06 PM
I'm just scared because i am like 100% sure i would like living as a girl more than a boy.

Yep...
this is why you go to a therapist to help you along...
help you develop yourself...
and go as fast as you like it.

There is no need for worries there. Just go it step by step and all will be fine.

Your therapist should be supportive.
If they are not simply look for another. The rest is doing it step by step. Just try to relax.



hugs

One question how am i trans when there are tons of people in the world?
Thats what makes me doubt.

You are just that lucky one in a ton

Trans is according to some people one in four hundred persons.

There are many people worldwide trans. Millions of them.

There are millions who have very blonde hair, for example... its something that simply is this way.

Not saying other hair colours are not equally beautiful

hugs

That is a very adult question so if you don't fully understand the answer, ask and I will see if I can do better. Before you were born and still inside you mother, your brain was supposed to receive male hormones. These hormones didn't happen and the default brain is a female brain. You were trans even before you were born. Difference in the brain can't be changed so you will always feel the way you do. In the United States they think 700,000 are transexual and the United States has a population of 400,000,000. This mean only about 1 in 600 children are born transexual. You are not alone but there are very few of us.

But i don't understand how it would be me.
And is it normal that i think its cute to watch 2 girls kiss?

I don't understand why it happened to me either but I now am glad it did. I had a far richer life that I would have if I had been CIS. I understand people better and I am better at helping people when they hurt. You have been given a difficult problem to deal with and you can sit there in suffer or you can learn from it and become a better person.
As for two girls kissing, it depends on many things and I would have to know far more before I could answer it. On the other hand, men kissing men and women kissing women in some cultures is considered a way to greet somebody you know well. It can be much like shaking hands or hugging.

I used to think the same way "It can't be me. This is not happening to me". There is no strictly "normal". Everybody's normal in his/her own way.

Whenever i see a gf and a bf i feel uncomfortable like its a trigger or something because i know im in the wrong role and that brings it up in me.

Why something triggers you is a question you have to ask yourself. Most people don't trigger and if you do, it's because it makes you think of something you don't want to remember. Only you can tell us what memories causes you pain.

You could try to use your feelings to your advantage.

Seeing what qualities the girl has you have as well...

trying to enjoy them...

always try to find a positive point of view...


hugs

I have no girl qualities

Well, what about liking pink nails and earrings ....

hugs

Hmm blue hair
Purple Nails
Lip Gloss
Long Hair

Im just doubting again