Remember all the times ya'll said stop messing with the lesbians, go for straight women as a straight man?

Case #1: Girl had a crush on me for 3 months, waiting until I'd notice her. We finally talked, became instant best buds, and over a few weeks I shared my secret with her one night. I told her my body, physically, is that of an intersex person. I was born with semi-ambiguous genitals, so parents decided to try to raise me female until I came to my own senses. Low E, high T, didn't work. Half female puberty, half male puberty. Given T to fully undergo male puberty. Underdeveloped penis, sterile. She told me "as much as I like you, I know that you wouldn't be able to satisfy me sexually. I love penetration, I love penises, and I need a man in my life who can give me all of that. I need intimacy." It was said VERY kindly, and she felt so bad after. I get where she's coming from. She also loves kids and wants to marry a guy with whom she can have a genetic child.

Case #2: Girl liked me while she was in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend. Was dead-on certain she would leave him for me because she couldn't tolerate his behavior anymore (especially when they were together). We are both in the medical field, she a doctor, and me a researcher. Beautiful match. We became super close friends. She knew my story from months ago, yet continued to flirt with me. We got closer and closer. I finally ask her out formally...she says "We got so close as friends, I don't want to make this awkward. Let's think about it. I'm not saying yes or no". When a girl truly wants to go out with you, there is no "thinking period". I told her, everyone starts out as friends! It's stupid to jump into a commitment without knowing a person! I was 100% certain she would say yes, but of course it has to do with the trans stuff.


Meanwhile, lesbian girls show a much more acute interest in me than straight girls (when I tell them I'm a trans dude).

At one point, I told myself I will go for whoever I like. Sexuality won't stand in the way. If I like a woman, I will pursue her. Now, as I realized, and as I have been told, at my age, early 20s, girls want intimacy with a man; all of them admit to me - they want a penis. When a man penetrates a woman, he hormonally satisfies her. It's a biological response. It's more than just the pleasure; there's actually a biochemical response.

I'm 3 years on T (almost). I lead a stable, happy life with my family, but I am growing beyond frustrated due to my hormones. I cannot find a woman. I cannot be sexually satisfied. I had an amazing sex life one year ago with my ex girlfriend (we met when I was pre-T), and I was calm...I focused on other aspects of life. Now, of course, as any young man, I am raging. I fall into bouts of depression, anxiety, and I lose focus... bio men have it easy. They date, they have sex, they live normal male lives. They like a woman...they bed her. I'm just here. I haven't had any physical contact - not even a kiss - with a girl in a year. And that's funny - because almost every girl I meet ends up liking me initially until I tell them my story.

What can I possibly do at this point?

You care about sex very much,maybe subconscieously you choose company of women who're the same in that matter.Sex is priority for them(more important than your personality).Date people above labels.You shouldn't care whether she's lesbian or straight.My experiences are different.I can't give proper advice.I fall in love with soul and approach to loved one in that way.Good luck.Don't be discouraged.Genetic men also get rejected.Just don't drink alcohol or take drugs because you're depressed.Take care of your health

You may already be facing something that is a sad fact of life. Your options in the dating pool are greatly reduced as you get older. In our modern society you have two things working against you. Many of the women are already in a committed relationship taking them out of the dating pool. The remaining ones most likely have been sexually active forming an idea of what they want in a relation ship. There are still women out there who would be happy with you but they are going to be hard to find.

I think I'll buy into this.

How to find a partner?

Although sex is important in most relationships it isn't the major part.

How about finding women that are interested in things you like, life things, art, music, bushwalking, trail bikes etc.

You then develop a friendship. You find a relationship, you enjoy his/her company you laugh, talk, trust.

Then you both may want to take it further.

I found my man in an Art Gallery.  I like Art, he talked to me about the Art he liked.

We laughed, talked, hung out and..... Well that is my private life!

BearGuy-

One of the thoughts I had about your situation is "Welcome to the dating world as a guy". Back when I was pretending to be a guy I got *lots* of rejections from women for one reason or another and judging from what my guy friends said to me they were experiencing the same. You just have to be persistent; there is someone out there that would love to be with you. Don't give up.

Quote from: Dena on June 26, 2015, 07:10:15 AM
You may already be facing something that is a sad fact of life. Your options in the dating pool are greatly reduced as you get older. In our modern society you have two things working against you. Many of the women are already in a committed relationship taking them out of the dating pool. The remaining ones most likely have been sexually active forming an idea of what they want in a relation ship. There are still women out there who would be happy with you but they are going to be hard to find.

I think that what Dena said has some merit but I also think that older guys have far more luck in the dating world than older women do - we just become invisible while older guys become distinguished looking.

It is my belief that after women have been in and out of a marriage they usually become a bit wiser about what is really important in a relationship, and they quit looking for the wildly romantic hearts aflame thing - they want a steady relationship with someone that they can build a future with. Find one of these women that will value you for who you are.

people tell trans men to stop messing with lesbians because you AREN'T a lesbian. you're a MAN. lesbians are WOMEN who go for WOMEN. do you see the problem? i couldn't date a lesbian. why? because of that reason. i would worry she sees me as a woman and not a man. her own identity comes into play and can cause issues. if she's a lesbian, why is she with a man? if you're a man, why are you with a lesbian? these things put strains on relationships even if you don't want them to, even if she DOES respect your identity.

straight women have urges and needs to. you can't shame a woman for wanting a guy with a biological penis. that second case isn't even a good example. she was with someone else, and just because you don't have a penis doesn't mean it was a no. even if you did, doesn't mean it would be a yes. clearly she didn't care if she already knew. there's way too many other factors. even if it WAS because of that, then that's w/e. people might be attracted to you but not your genitalia and there's nothing wrong with that. if you don't like penis, will you date a pre-op trans woman? maybe not.

either way if you want to date a lesbian, go ahead but i can see why i wouldn't, and why others tell you not to. sorry for your bad luck but dating as a guy is tough and it should be imo.

Chase Ross has a very good video about lesbians who date transguys. I agree with it. The gist of it is that people get hung up on labels too much. As long as they accept you as a man and are still willing to date you despite how they identify, go for it.

Is it invalidating? Maybe. It depends how she treats you. Why she's dating you. What she's getting out of the relationship. What she says to her friends about you. I'd strongly recommend not entering into a strictly sexual relationship with someone that identifies as a lesbian. You will probably end up getting your feelings hurt when she's done playing. But an intimate/significant other type of relationship? Go for it dude.

I personally have had no trouble dating women and have dated four during various stages of my transition. Their orientations have been all over the place. Two are bisexual, one is straight, and the fourth identifies as queer. None of them have had any issues recognizing me as male and treating me just like they would/have treated cis boyfriends in the past. I was friends with all of them prior to dating and there was attraction there. I'm not claiming to be super smooth or anything. I'm actually super awkward and introverted, but I'm genuine about who I am and I own my weirdness. I'm at a point where I like who I am as a whole, and I think that's helped a lot in the confidence department.

Don't get too hung up on labels. I think you had it right in trying to date whoever you like. Express interest in whoever you're interested in. The worst that could happen is they'll say no.

Quote from: ftmax on June 26, 2015, 05:02:41 PM
Chase Ross has a very good video about lesbians who date transguys. I agree with it. The gist of it is that people get hung up on labels too much. As long as they accept you as a man and are still willing to date you despite how they identify, go for it.

Is it invalidating? Maybe. It depends how she treats you. Why she's dating you. What she's getting out of the relationship. What she says to her friends about you. I'd strongly recommend not entering into a strictly sexual relationship with someone that identifies as a lesbian. You will probably end up getting your feelings hurt when she's done playing. But an intimate/significant other type of relationship? Go for it dude.

I personally have had no trouble dating women and have dated four during various stages of my transition. Their orientations have been all over the place. Two are bisexual, one is straight, and the fourth identifies as queer. None of them have had any issues recognizing me as male and treating me just like they would/have treated cis boyfriends in the past. I was friends with all of them prior to dating and there was attraction there. I'm not claiming to be super smooth or anything. I'm actually super awkward and introverted, but I'm genuine about who I am and I own my weirdness. I'm at a point where I like who I am as a whole, and I think that's helped a lot in the confidence department.

Don't get too hung up on labels. I think you had it right in trying to date whoever you like. Express interest in whoever you're interested in. The worst that could happen is they'll say no.

Great post.  Great advice!

You could try within lgbt circles... there are queer people, bi people, open straight people...
and there is a spectrum between straight and lesbian... not many are a kinsey6 (exclusively lesbian)

you could simply try to get to know each other...
then heating it up a bit... like talking about a hot movie scene... and that you'd like to repeat that, under the stars...
a mixture of romance and hot fantasy... just making hints and spicing it up...
and well you could hint that she gets to choose the size... any one she likes... its not that you can have just one...
and that you have a good knowledge of female anatomy... not all guys have that...

well cis guys have rejections too...
and they sometimes take to self pleasure...
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,181089.msg1651430.html#msg1651430

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,189327.msg1685037.html#msg1685037


hugs

Hey there, so I'm new to the Transgender stuff just realizing my own gender identity issues. Although I think there are a few things I could say on this subject on a base human level. We all long for love and affection (sexual and otherwise) it's completely normal to feel frustrated and depressed. What you have to remember is that this is a really big planet with so many people in it. Though some of those people may not be excepting of the way you are I promise there are women out there that would love to have a sweet and loving man such as your self. Regardless of your "parts" trust me when I say a man can be perfectly capable of penetration and cause absolutely no since of satisfaction. I don't want to offend you, but it seems you may have some insecurities in regards to your ability to please a women. It may be that this is being picked up on by the women you are showing interest in. My advice would be to slow down a little in trying to find a woman and focus on yourself. Learn to love and appreciate yourself with all your heart. Women will then pick up on that confidence and be more willing to give you a chance to show them that penetration is not the most important part of sex. I apologize if anything I said was inappropriate or wrong just trying to give my thoughts on it.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I537 using Tapatalk

Quote from: Dena on June 26, 2015, 07:10:15 AM
You may already be facing something that is a sad fact of life. Your options in the dating pool are greatly reduced as you get older. In our modern society you have two things working against you. Many of the women are already in a committed relationship taking them out of the dating pool. The remaining ones most likely have been sexually active forming an idea of what they want in a relation ship. There are still women out there who would be happy with you but they are going to be hard to find.

Well a bit more optiism would be called for imo...
you can beat statistics...
it might be possible to look for some kind of friendship first... something in common... there should be social gatherings, bridge clubs... etc...
and in that age group its well possible women are not looking much for men because some of them expect a traditional role...
while many women like to have quite some freedom...

hugs