Forgive any weird spelling errors, I'm on mobile.

It's 3 AM and I'm nearly having a panic attack. I have pretty bad anxiety so this is nothing new, but I'm nearly crying over this one. Maybe someone here can help me deal with this fear.

I'm worried, plain and simple, about uterine and ovarian cancer. My doctor told me the lining of the uterus can become cancerous, and I just read (WHY did I look it up?!) that ovarian cancer has nearly no symptoms. I think those can both be checked with a pelvic exam, which I'm fine with getting.

I recently had top surgery (about a year and a half ago) and I did NOT do well with the anesthesia. I woke up shivering and healing sent me into two panic attacks like none I have had before. I mean actual on the floor shaking unable to do anything panic attacks. It was the anesthetic giving me a bad emotional reaction. It was weird and traumatic, and I never throw around the words "traumatic" or "panic attack".

This is the main reason I'm afraid of getting a hysto. Just the waking up from anesthesia. I'm totally fine with leaving everything how it is if i could prevent cancer, but I'm pretty sure the only option is getting it all taken out. I wish with all my heart I could stay awake and just get a local. Or it would just disintegrate. I'm actually not sure how high my risk is, I have no family HYSTOry (heh) or anything. I'm just worrying because I'm not strong enough to best cancer, i don't think. I'm very fragile.

I emailed my Dr about it, but you guys are my go to support at times like this. If anyone can help me sort through this I'd appreciate it for life. Heck, I'll knit you a hat or something! Just help me reason my way out of being so worried about my health, and by default my boyfriends. He has a family history of ovarian cysts.

My brothers at arms, this is a call from a fellow warrior!