So I came out to my wife tonight.  It went well she said that I need to do what ever I need to do to be happy.  She also said that she will support me how ever far I want to go but she dose not think she can stay married if I go all the way and start presenting has female full time.  She also said she would be my friend and we will take things has they come in the future.
Now I feel some relief by telling her but I also feel nervous about it, what have I done this is real now I have admitted that I am a woman inside and I want her to come out and see the world.  Should I feel more relief then I do I'm so scared that I have ruined my life and might loose my greatest friend. 
I don't know if I'm expressing this right all I know is that I'm nervous and scared.
Thanks for listening

Two issues. The first is could you be happy remaining the way you are?
The second is you wife has made a snap judgment and time may change her viewpoint. You need to continue educating her on the options to help her see you are still more or less the same person she married and transitioning may only make you better.

Dena covered this well, but always remember that the reaction can change as they process. I'm glad it's went well so far. It's completely normal to feel nervous about it. Telling anyone let alone a spouse isn't easy and anytime we tell someone that close to us about our being transgendered were going to be nervous. Your among friends now. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Stephee,

Happiness is a confusing thing to me. So perhaps I can't answer the title question. Dena and Mariah had some very good astute comments. I may just be "me tooing".

I am middle aged and just came out to my wife a little over a month ago. I feel a bit naive saying this but while I thought I had a weird kink and was a cross dresser I did not come across the idea of being transsexual till 3-4 months ago. (been showing signs of it since around 8 years old). My wife reacted very similarly to what your wife said. She has been very supportive. However, as Mariah mentioned and Dena alluded to, it may take a while. She will probably continue to process the question the subject for a bit.

I don't like to give advice so people feel like I am telling them the logical right way to approach things. However, I may add some options you might try:

-if you are friends and love her, be as honest as you can
-answer her questions when they come and they might even be the same questions
-try to breath and stay as still as you can if answering questions.
-give her space to work through her thoughts and feelings
-seek counseling if you are not seeing a therapist-it will help you sort through things
-imagine you are in her shoes and had questions...
-continue to show her love
-include her in your interests-it is easy to become isolated when going through self discovery(whatever the outcome).

Embrace or throw away any or all of the above as it fits your feelings.

With warm thoughts,

Joanna

It's quite common for a new pressure and/or anxiety to take the place of the former stressor. What you describe is very common for many transfolk...the deep need to be honest about who you are is often replaced by fear of how that new you will be treated as you emerge.

Thank You for the encouragement and support it helped a lot.  Just a quick up date. After not talking for 2 days and her looking like death warmed over we had a nice talk and I showed her the significant  other form, hopefully she will visit, she also decided that she need to see a therapist which we are looking into.  We had a very nice conversation we have decided to take this one step at a time and be open and honest with each other.
Thanks again Steph

Congrats on taking a monumental and positive step for yourself

Over the past six years or so of my "coming out" I learned to expect two things. Plenty of questions and "what if'ing" before and especially after. After also brings out all the fears and angst of "This is getting too real"

When I dropped the T-Bomb on my wife, her response was pretty much the same as yours. But add in a healthy dose of anger, betrayal, "should have seen it coming", etc.. You see, she knew from day 1 I had gender issues and even experimented with transitioning twice.

Try to keep an open mind and don't overwhelm yourself with what could be. If simply coming out makes you feel better, great. It totally sucks hiding a part of yourself from someone you love and life partner. Maybe just doing a little thing like shaving your beard (believe me, for a group member this was imposible), or legs will help for months or years. For decades I got by with my occasional cross-dressing and almost daily panty wearing.

There are no timetable, no rules, no have-to's to deal with your personal version of dysphoria. Finding a support group or a for real gender therapist may help. It totally amazed me and still does, being in a room filled with people whose lifes are similar to my own. For me, the group also was the conduit for a couple of angels to come into my life at a time I really needed help to keep myself together and alive

Six years later I still primarily present male, on HRT, still with my wife who is not totally thrilled over some of the changes, totally pleased over the personal growth and new openess and communication between us. It has not been a cakewalk as her feelings of betrayal still makes her think any day now I will dump her and run off with a group member or some guy

One day at a time

You have made a major step in opening communication but only time will tell what happens. Keep up the good work and I hope you have the best of luck. Let us know if we can help you with anything else.