I've been having the doubts the last few days that I'm sure everyone has had at some point. Do I really want to go through this huge change, will I still look like a guy when it's all said and done, will I be happier, and more. It seems how I would look seems to be the biggest recurring thought. Enough so that is has me getting more depressed than I normally am from my ptsd. I guess I'm just needing some advice and comfort.

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You will look like a the man you want to be. You will love how you look. You will fall deeply in love with yourself. I understand being scared and the anxiety of what ifs. I can tell you taking the risk of being who you are is worth it. It is the most amazing and breath taking experience.

I used to be really nervous and have a lot of anxiety about cutting my hair and dressing the way I want to dress and not looking up to my own expectations but you will. You are exactly who you know yourself to be. Don't doubt yourself.

My advice to you is find your courage and be who you want to be to the fullest. Good luck with everything!

hugs Becca,
Don't lose confidence in your ability to look passable, its amazing the differences that HRT can make.
Passable is being confident in yourself, which leads to acceptance and poise, if you are not confident then you become conspicuous and insecure in your self.

I went through many phases of purging clothing and returning to birth gender role play, wish I didn't, but seemed to have no choice due to how long ago it was, because I figured I could never look female enough to go through with it (as well as emotional marriage and family ties! because, because...)

The journey, especially the longer it is, will get ups and downs, but don't doubt yourself, you can and will make it...

Katy xx

These doubts are common. They sure we're for me. The thing is we don't really know how it is going to work out for us until we get there and that process can take years. The important thing is to realise you can step back at any time early in the process if you feel it is too much or not working as you had hoped.

Becca, some of the happiest trans women I know are not at all passable. Being passable is not a requirement for a satisfactory transition. Femininity is not something you earn by being passable.

That being said, I'm shocked at how passable I've been able to be.

Quote from: suzifrommd on June 30, 2015, 05:51:30 AM
Becca, some of the happiest trans women I know are not at all passable. Being passable is not a requirement for a satisfactory transition. Femininity is not something you earn by being passable.

That being said, I'm shocked at how passable I've been able to be.

but thats what i want because thats how i feel. i want to look completely passable. i want to be able to walk into a room full of people and noone be able to tell that i used to be a man.

Quote from: Becca131306 on June 30, 2015, 05:54:21 AM
but thats what i want because thats how i feel. i want to look completely passable. i want to be able to walk into a room full of people and noone be able to tell that i used to be a man.

I wish this for you Becca. I hope you get everything you're working for.

But understand that, this sort of passability does not come to everyone. It may come to you. I hope it does. But even if it doesn't, that doesn't mean you can't be absolutely thrilled with your transition. I know many women who are.

If it means anything to you, I started estrogen at 31. I have a super-square jawline, and I'm loud and boisterous. I skateboard, play punk music, and I'm covered in scars. Before transitioning, I was a really hairy dude. Despite all of this, I generally have passing privilege most of the time.

As Katrina mentioned, being read as female has a lot to do with believing in yourself and being yourself. To borrow a term from drag culture, a person can look as fishy as can be in a photo, but still enter a room reeking of male energy. When you learn to relax and let your natural female energy manifest in itself, you'll find yourself being read authentically far more often. 

I found the doubts where worst when I needed to change things from the way they were. The biggest doubt came before my surgery but it was only the comfort of past reasoning that got me on the table. I understood I couldn't rely on what was currently going through my head. After living 33 years as a woman, I am going for voice surgery in two weeks and I suspect there will be some doubt going through my head again but I have thought this out well before hand and will use that to get me over my nerves. After you have made the change in your life and you find you like it, you wonder why you were so nervous about it in the first place.

Having second thoughts and doubts is completely normal. Mine always cropped up every time I was about to take another major step. I eventually learned to ignore that nagging voice of doubt in my mind and take that next step. As far as how you might look - some of that is controlled by your genetics and some of it has to do with how well you respond to HRT. I would suggest that you go to a shopping mall and get yourself a cup of coffee and sit somewhere and just watch women - you'll see all types of women - ones with facial hair or hair loss, wide shoulders, brow ridges, and so on - and they pass just fine. The reason that is so is because of attitude and confidence - when you've got both amazing things happen for you. Quit worrying about the big picture and just take it day by day and make small changes when you are comfortable doing so. One day you'll find yourself far down the transitioning path and you didn't even think about it along the way!

I don't think I can add much more than has already been said! I pass, to the degree that I get odd looks when out as 'male' or at least in men's clothes. I get the odd pause when giving my male name in phone calls and it's getting more noticeable now facial hair removal has had a dramatic effect (there wasn't much to begin with lol).

Think about the first time you went in to your office, or wherever, for an interview. You were anxious, scared even. Full of trepidation as you stood to gain so much from making an impression. It was a time to put on your best self, to upsell and to pretend.

Now think about the second time you went there, the first Monday with the job so to speak. You were excited, confident and outgoing. You were keen to meet your colleagues, ask questions and make friends.

Passing is all about being in the second stage. Congratulations, you've got it!! I'm delighted to offer you the job of being a full time woman; hours are midnight to midnight Monday to Sunday, there's no salary and you'll be allocated zero days of annual holiday.

Life isn't about being in the contrived interview scenario. It's about getting on and being who you are. There are women out there who  look more masculine than I do. Do they worry about passing? No! In which case why should I worry about passing? Women come in all sizes and colours, and some have differently shaped genitalia. That doesn't matter. Gender, or what we term as gender, comes from within. If the inside is female, then female-ness will shine out in a sort of aura. Just find it and listen to it.

For example, when in public as me, I use the ladies loos. I really have to, as it would look totally weird going in the men's. Some would say don't make eye contact, just shuffle in and leave hurriedly. I don't! I fix myself up in front of the mirror, powder my nose (literally) and fix up my lipstick. It's a fairly social place anyway, and I chat to people. They talk to me and everyone's happy. I'm not in there to be a pervert; I'm in there to have a wee for God's sake  and wash my hands.

Therefore people will think you are weird if you act weird. If you act normal they'll take you as nothing but (I don't know what you look like so I'll use myself here) a slightly unusual looking woman. Or they simply won't notice you at all.

If you truly believe you can pass, you will pass.