I was born in the 50's , so there was nothing that could of helped my parents understand my need to transition. If anything they saved me from a brutal psychiatric profession who thought that aversion therapy was the answer. I was a child who was in a lot of pain and could of used a kind and helping hand. My parents couldn't help because they didn't understand my pain. My parents were good parents , but being a shy and mute child who wanted to wear dresses must of freaked them out. I don't know whether they could of excepted me transitioning or not to the point of raising me in the proper gender. The times were quite different. I only wish that I had the proper life. Do you think your parents could of accepted and let you be your true self if society was farther along with its acceptance of trans as a normal path.

Quote from: stephaniec on July 02, 2015, 03:20:06 PM
Do you think your parents could of accepted and let you be your true self if society was farther along with its acceptance of trans as a normal path.

I am quite sure my parents would have accepted me as I needed to be. They were very accepting, warm, open people. However, I don't think they would have believed I was trans, as I didn't show any of the classic symptoms. My mother would have been convinced that it's a "phase" and the whole thing would go way over my father's head, emotionally.

However, over time, I think they would have accepted me, especially if they saw how much happier I was as a female.

Wondering how my parents would have reacted had they ever known, is something I do spend a lot of time thinking about.

Havent talked to my parents or sister in six years. They DID NOT TRY TO HELP ME AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I came out in about 1974 at the age of 23, my parents didn't have a clue what was going on and she figured she could send me to a doctor and they would fix it. For a long time I though I was hiding my condition pretty well from my parent but in hindsight the truth was i left clues all over the place but my parents didn't know enough to pick up on them. As it was, treatment just wasn't very available and my parents weren't made of money. Those times were far different than today and had my parents wanted to help, what was needed just wasn't available.

If anything, the most valuable thing they did was not throwing me out the door when I came out. The additional time at home allowed me to better prepare for the move to California.

As a pre-schooler I told my mother several times that I wanted to be a girl.  At Halloween, in the second grade, my Mom and adult sister dressed me in a witch costume with a floor length black dress and a full petticoat.  I won second prize for best costume in the school, losing out to a robot costume.  They denied my request to complete the costume properly with girl panties.

Several times in my 20's my mother asked me if I wanted to be a woman.   I denied it, but she knew I really did.

Well my parents DID help me as far back as the early 1960's - it was the medical profession that refused help and delayed my getting proper treatment until the 1980's.

Sadly my mother ultimately proved more forward thinking than the doctors, but I dont hold any grudges. They all did what they thought was for the best.

I don't know, my parents may have been more wise than I thought . They did some things that I think were an attempt to stop me from wearing dresses and developing a relationship with the boy down the street because we use to hold hands all the time , but my mother died when I was 8 and it hit my father quite hard. My parents knew I had issues about being female, but they kind of took the nonintervention path letting things take their own course.

Could've, would've, should've. That's a whole lot of maybe and who knows what. I'd say that of course they would have, if transgender was widely understood and accepted and treatment was readily available then yes. But I'm not getting into those kind of mind games, it's kind of painful to play "what if" around that kind of stuff.

My mother was extremely distressed when I first came out to her in 1990, but it was a different time with different attitudes. She has been very supportive of me now despite my father's denial and anger. I've got her love and support now and that's all that matters, what might have been doesn't matter.

I agree with Grace that might have's are not really important and I'm not sure reactions would have been different, but then I will never know. My mom is supportive and has been all along. My dad has been dead since 1990 so I have no way of knowing what type of knowledge would have done for him based on his attitude towards early things. It's true my dad was 50 years older than I was and was retired military, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have been excepting because I simply don't know. Hugs
Mariah

I was just wondering because I had a hell of a hard life mentally as a child and wonder how much proper intervention would of help. I love who I became , but I'm always haunted by the pain. Maybe future generations need not go through the pain if we discover better attitudes.

I totally agree with you in regards to that and love the idea you had with this question. Hugs.
Mariah

Quote from: stephaniec on July 02, 2015, 07:27:36 PM
I was just wondering because I had a hell of a hard life mentally as a child and wonder how much proper intervention would of help. I love who I became , but I'm always haunted by the pain. Maybe future generations need not go through the pain if we discover better attitudes.

My parents eventually accepted me after I came out as an adult, but if I would have mentioned it during my childhood, I don't think they would have, even if it was generally accepted by society.

Quote from: Mariah2014 on July 02, 2015, 07:31:13 PM
I totally agree with you in regards to that and love the idea you had with this question. Hugs.
Mariah

thanks

Quote from: kittenpower on July 02, 2015, 07:33:25 PM
My parents eventually accepted me after I came out as an adult, but if I would have mentioned it during my childhood, I don't think they would have, even if it was generally accepted by society.

My parents are both gone too and I also believed they would of loved me no matter. As a side note for the geneticist , my only brother was gay. My sisters are just idiots .

Mom said if she knew as a kid she would have helped me to transition as a child.

However living in the Caribbean in the 80s it was not realistic. Plus, I lived with my back woodsman style, ultra masculine dad.

Quote from: stephaniec on July 02, 2015, 07:27:36 PM
I was just wondering because I had a hell of a hard life mentally as a child and wonder how much proper intervention would of help. I love who I became , but I'm always haunted by the pain. Maybe future generations need not go through the pain if we discover better attitudes.

I can understand this - I didn't have a traumatic or particularly horrible childhood, but I know it was one only partially lived... I never engaged in sports or other activities much because they were all oriented to boys and male teens. I know I just bumbled on, unsure why things were the way they were and not particularly happy with the status quo but also unsure why and not aware it could potentially be different. In some ways discovering I was trans at age 19 was a godsend because becoming fully aware at an earlier age would have impacted me terribly.

Well my mom is supportive towards me and tries her best to help me. Really hard to say about my dad he died in 2011. Before he got really sick I can be pretty much be 100% certain he would've disowned me. He grew up in the 50's and kind of kept the mindset from that period throughout his life. But after he came close to dying from cancer he became a really gentle and kind. So most likely he would've been upset and confused more then anything but I have a feeling he would've come around eventually. 

I think a big problem growing up for me was that when my mother passed , my dad didn't quite know how to deal with my situation and he left me a lone about it , but that cause some distance between me and him. I'll tell you a dream I had when I was about 10 that kind of shows my relationship with my father. In the dream I was lying on the floor along side one of the prettier girls from my grade school. I had lost my penis and was just lying there anatomically the same as the girl I knew. My father appeared and put my penis back on me. He was like always trying to boost the male persona I deeply didn't want. I loved my father dearly , he took care of me , but I think he just didn't know what to do to help me.

When I came out to my parents in 1993, they were confused and scared and thought my going to a liberal college "did this" to me.  Their reaction was a big reason for my going into denial.  I had a real fear of not only losing them, but losing their support, emotionally and financially.  I realize now they would have always loved me.  I probably still would have lost their financial support and my grandparents would not have accepted me.  It's hard to know if my mom would have supported them over me. And I'll never know.

My dad took a therapist, a new wife, and twenty years of seeing me miserable, but he's coming around. 

If I was 19 today, I don't think they would have helped.  My dad likes to rewrite history, saying he only wanted me to be out on my own, supporting myself before I did something like this.  I can see that side, but he sure as heck didn't make that clear to me when I was in college!  Had THAT been the case, my life would be WAY different. 

But things are as they are.  And I try not to have regrets and move towards my future.  Easier than it sounds. [emoji4] [emoji13]

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

My brother is a life-saver... completely inadvertently.  He dated a trans* person.  My mom was a complete jerk.  He continues to make gender variant friends.  My mom continues to be a complete jerk.  This provides me endless fodder to harp on her about trans* rights, transphobia, suicide and murder rates in the trans* population, etc.

Found a terrifying tidbit[1] today.  Trans* youth are ten times as likely to attempt suicide if they don't have family support.  Trans* adults are nearly twice as likely. 

When I come out to my mom, we're going to do a bit of a literature review of psychological studies pertaining to trans* adults.  She strongly identifies as a reasonable person.  I prefer to think that faced with a preponderance of evidence, she'll come around.

[1] http://www.drmeladypreece.com/powerpoint-slides1.html