Hi, I'm Alexander.
I'm FTM and I just started to go to the gym to get in shape and to get ready for hormones and surgery. I learned from another FTM that you need to be really healthy and in shape before you can do these things especially since I am on medication for a mood disorder. I don't know for sure. I have a lot of breast dysmorphia and my breasts bother me very much and I decided recently to do something about them and to try to shrink them more. I'm trying to do more body-positive things to improve my body and to make my body something that I can be proud about and be more comfortable in my own skin. In the past, I would be very negative about my body, all of the female parts and do self-harm which was very negative and scarring happened. I realized that I couldn't hide from my female body anymore and tattoos definitely did not help at all. I realize that for myself.
I'm just very confused about my body since sometimes I go top-less and wear no shirt and just boxer shorts like men do, and I feel fine and normal except if I see my own reflection - then it is really not good. During other times I feel my female body is very uncomfortable. I try to wear men's shorts and pants, since the men's shirts do not fit me because of my breasts. I have bigger breasts since I am quite overweight. I have stopped pulling stray hairs from my chin and neck area since I would like to grow a beard some day. I have also stopped shaving as well on my legs and armpits.
I am very blessed to live in a state in the USA that is quite open-minded about transgender people, and I have come out to a number of people, including my parents. I just figured it would be best to come out to them as soon as possible before I have hormones and surgery, to give them the heads up. But at the same time, I feel confused about why I am transgender, but does anyone know why they are born the gender they are? Nobody does, it is just the way it is. I hope to learn more about being transgender and the journey it involves in this forum. I feel very blessed to have the Internet and to have access to this website. Thank goodness.
P.S. - My username is because I'm a bit undecided between Alex or Ben as my name or middle name.
Alexander
