I'm going through a great difficulties in my life at the moment and I don't know what to do. I'll explain in full.
I live alone and last year in match I made friends with my neighbour , at the time she was in a relationship and was just good friends. In august she dumped her partner and our friendship starting becoming close, before I knew it I add fallen in love with her but did not tell her. This love was unlike anything before compared to my ex girl friends, I really did care for her and knew everything about her from her birthday to her fravote meal, I knew her colors and what she like and we seemed happy together well I was at least.
She ran into a problem and lost her income so being a good friend and secretly knowing I loved her I helped her greatly. I paid for her gas and electric bills, I paid her tv bill I threw her a birthday BBQ, she was happy and allowed me to do so. Eventually I told her I love her she said she's not over her ex quite yet and not ready for a relationship, I respected that. Few months later I asked would she like to go to Arbuckles on a date, she said yes and come the date we had a great time. Afew days later she told me she was unware that was a date, now that hurt me deeply.
A month later she saw a dog online she wanted to adopt but she was sad because she could not afford him, naturally she played on my heart and I brought her the dog. Few weeks later she decided she didn't want the dog so I took the dog to mine and he got on great with mine, I decided to keep him as I loved his personality. She then said I was unfit to look after him because of my mental health she sold the dog and broke me to tears. The next day I suggested could I have at least half the money from his sale because of a tight week and that I did pay for him and she didn't want him in the end, She complained and I gave in and allowed her to keep the money. That week I ran out of food and I remember one day I had just 2 porkchops left but my dog ran out the same day, so I cooked them porkchops and gave them to my baby Raven. The next I found a small amount of money and brought my dog a weeks worth and starved my self for 3 days.
Later near Christmas my finances flipped around and I had a nice bit of disposable income, my neighbour played on my heart and said basicly she wished she could buy new clothes as I was planning to so I split it even and gave her £200 to spend. We went to Cambridge for the day for a shopping spree. She had me pay for the travel and food. We got home at midnight and took the dogs for a walk together and got home at 1am it was a great day. The next day I asked her if we could have sex as I was feeling in the mood and loved her, she said yes and we did it was lovely.
From there it seemed that we was a couple. People in our area thought we was a couple and when asked she didn't say we wasn't and even in one case her name was writen with my last name on it which she had no problem in fact she was quite happy.
She wanted to meet my parents so I allowed her to, she had me meet her mother and brother, this surely felt like a relationship had stated. We brought grocery's together , we had keys to each other's houses.we would wake up at 6am and start our day and ended our days around 10 at night.
At one point I started to think that I would love to marry her.
Then after Christmas a new guy moved into the block who was loaded with cash she no longer had intrest in me. I became hurt and felt worthless to her. One day I asked her round for dinner and she said yes so I spent on very expensive meal for her and started cooking it, I then asked her if she could bring a casserole dish round and she said yes. I waited and waited and she didn't show up. I went to her house to find the new guy there . now I got angry with hurt and shouted she told me to leave and then I shouted though the door in anger" l will kill you and your dog" but I did not mean it.
A month past I hardly spoke to her knowing she used me for money, I woke up one day in tears wanting to take my life so I called for help. I had police come round who help me get an ambulance to go to hospital, I got seen and I told them everything they did not want to help me so I left the hospital to go home and muttered "maybe I should kill the bword" to my self they heard that. I headed home to take my life and after I got off a train I was aressted and sent to count.
A solicitor told me to say on the tape I'll kill her so I could get mental health support, I said if and then the judge saw me. When the judge first saw me she turned her nose up as I was dressed as women and sent me to prison for a week until my next hearing even doe they she knew I've never been introuble with the law before. A week later back in court I was released on bail to my parents address and got ban from my home and kings Lynn.
My parents hate me and are kicking me out this Sunday, I have no money and no place to go. I'm feeling suicidal and the thoughts are turned into plans, I'm scared to call for help as a&e never helps me despite my past suicide attempts. They tell me I'm not suicidal because I'm in hospital but I never chose that I was found past out it wasn't my choice I never phoned for help and I never counted on being found.
I could still go to jail for this, my neighbour is pressing charges buf I'm told and now she's all of a suddenly moved address. I contacted my landlord and she confirms she has moved away. I've contacted my solicitor and his trying to get my bail conditions changed so I can go home. But I fear this won't happen by Sunday.
My life feels like it's falling apart.
