I basically blurted out today to a social worker that I would like to see a gender therapist.  The social worker mentioned that he knew of a gender therapist and would try to find one for me.  I am really nervous about the gender therapist since if people ask questions about being trans or my journey, I tend to get really confused and at a loss of what to say.  I've had a very bad week this week and feeling dysphoric about my body, particularly my breasts.  A lot has changed about my perception about my body recently and my emotions have changed about it lately.  I have been going to the gym a lot lately and going to the gym everyday has helped with my depression.  At the same time, going to the gym everyday is not helping my body since I get tired and worn out.  I haven't been eating well lately, eating not enough calories.  I eat just about enough, but trying to have enough of a calorie deficit to lose weight for top surgery.  I lost two pounds last week, which is normal and okay, but I feel as if I'm working so very hard to losing weight.  My breast dysphoria is tough since I am quite overweight and my binder does not help much with reducing the size.

I'm just scared about the gender therapist that I will look like a clueless idiot that is bumbling along and not knowing what to say about gender issues and about being male in general.  I have so much to learn about being a man.  I'm also scared that the gender therapist will say no to having surgery, but I don't plan on having the surgery until years later since I need to save the money for it.  Or worse, saying no you're not a man, or man enough to be considered a man.  I am really tight with money right now and don't have enough money to buy male clothes, which makes me embarrassed about my gender.

Any suggestions on how to prepare for the first session with the gender therapist?  Also I would like to know how long does the gender therapist meet with you and for how many months/years?

Thank you very much for your patience with my questions!   
Alexander

gender therapist (a good one) won't shoot you down or tell you that you aren't trans enough or man enough or w/e else. during my first meeting, my therapist asked how i knew i was trans, we talked about coming out to people, living full time in my gender i preferred, etc. it isn't difficult and they probably deal with people who are at loss for words a lot. don't over think it.

if you don't eat enough, your body won't burn it off, it will store it because it think it's starving itself and if you don't eat enough you'll lose muscle mass not fat. you need to eat healthy, that's the key thing. when i started actually eating more, the weight melted off. also weight isn't really a requirement for top surgery but it does help make you feel better. abs start in the kitchen and you can work out as much as you want but if you don't eat properly, you won't lose the weight.

The first few sessions with my therapist we didn't really even touch on my gender identity, mostly depression, anxiety fears and concerns. After a few sessions I asked why he said "you tell me your transgender that your a woman and I accept it, I just want to help you."

We didn't really go into my past or my experiences or when, where, why, and how s about my gender identity until my doctor needed a note to start hormones. All together I have found it a wonderful experience and look forward to my sessions.

Serena

invisiblemonsters and Serena, thank you for your comments, I feel so much better.  Yes, that is a wonderful thing that your gender therapist wants to help you and nothing else.  Wonderful.

Thank you about talking about the surgery and losing weight.  I read somewhere else on Susan's how the high weight amount could cause problems with anesthesia, and other issues.  I want to lose the weight anyway, so it is alright.

Thanks again,
Alexander