*TW genital mention


Hey every one, Michael here after a bit of a rough patch in life. It's been quite a while since I came out, eight months actually and I've experienced a bit of conflict between my family and I, primarily my mother.
Recently I've been ridden with dysphoria, and I've been trying to deepen my voice and defeminize my face with my few makeup skills. This was working fine for a while, as I'm an introvert and most people in our cozy little town don't talk to me. Then, my mom started playing the pronoun game, making sure to point out my birth sex at any given opportunity.
As it was, she never really accepted me as trans. Because I didn't fit the cookie cutter mold of finding out when I was little and acting like a boy at a very young age. Infact, until I hit puberty I was a very happy gender neutral child, simply accepting my female pronouns. I feel like I'm being attacked, and all attempts to correct her are futile.  I just... don't know any more. It's dysphoria inducing, and I can't find a good therapist that fits my needs (I'm a little picky) to tell her that this isn't a freaking stage I'll just grow out off.
Which brings us to my next topic.
I am, very obviously pre-T, and alot of people tend to be triggered by the mere mention of their body parts, which is why I'm a little confused and I guess concerned.
My main trigger for dysphoria is public display of femininity, swaying hips, bulges in all the wrong places, and my god danged curves. Even my binder bulge is upsetting if I'm in public. However, around the house, I'm totally fine. I'll walk around the house nude if I'm alone, or go without a binder if I'm going to be alone with just my family.
My binder hurts really bad after a while, because I want it tight as can be, so I can be as flat as possible, I don't want to wear it when I don't have to.
Additionally I've never experienced bottom dysphoria, my junk doesn't bother me one bit. Is that normal for someone at my stage, or is it odd?

I'm probably rambling but: what should I do about my mother, and is my lack of dysphoria at home weird or normal?
Please help me out... I don't know how to feel about any of this any more....
-Michael Charles.

Sent from my SPH-L720T using Tapatalk

I don't plan on getting bottom surgery because I don't have any dysphoria down there (or, none that I recognize as dysphoria--I do flip out when my partner touches me there sometimes). And as far as I know, this is fairly common, so you're not alone at all.

My mom is also unsupportive for pretty much the same reason, except she conveniently forgot about all those questions I asked as a small child about whether I was a boy or a girl. Or wait...no, she said "But you were a kid, you were just confused." Yeah, because you know what my thought process was, mom...I remember thinking gender was arbitrarily assigned and I thought somebody had made a mistake when they named me a "girl".

I don't think lack of dysphoria at home is weird or abnormal. There are no strangers' eyes to judge you or try to figure out your gender at home. You mentioned that your biggest trigger is a public display of femininity, so that makes perfect sense that you'd feel fine at home.

I'm not sure what to do about your mother, but she is definitely behaving inappropriately. Perhaps show her some documentaries or short youtube clips about trans men? Maybe once she sees that not all of us fit the standard narrative, she'll be in a place to understand you better. I don't exactly have any favorites to recommend...anybody else have some?

Quote from: Michaelthefallen on July 08, 2015, 09:37:08 PM
*TW genital mention


Hey every one, Michael here after a bit of a rough patch in life. It's been quite a while since I came out, eight months actually and I've experienced a bit of conflict between my family and I, primarily my mother.
Recently I've been ridden with dysphoria, and I've been trying to deepen my voice and defeminize my face with my few makeup skills. This was working fine for a while, as I'm an introvert and most people in our cozy little town don't talk to me. Then, my mom started playing the pronoun game, making sure to point out my birth sex at any given opportunity.
As it was, she never really accepted me as trans. Because I didn't fit the cookie cutter mold of finding out when I was little and acting like a boy at a very young age. Infact, until I hit puberty I was a very happy gender neutral child, simply accepting my female pronouns. I feel like I'm being attacked, and all attempts to correct her are futile.  I just... don't know any more. It's dysphoria inducing, and I can't find a good therapist that fits my needs (I'm a little picky) to tell her that this isn't a freaking stage I'll just grow out off.
Which brings us to my next topic.
I am, very obviously pre-T, and alot of people tend to be triggered by the mere mention of their body parts, which is why I'm a little confused and I guess concerned.
My main trigger for dysphoria is public display of femininity, swaying hips, bulges in all the wrong places, and my god danged curves. Even my binder bulge is upsetting if I'm in public. However, around the house, I'm totally fine. I'll walk around the house nude if I'm alone, or go without a binder if I'm going to be alone with just my family.
My binder hurts really bad after a while, because I want it tight as can be, so I can be as flat as possible, I don't want to wear it when I don't have to.
Additionally I've never experienced bottom dysphoria, my junk doesn't bother me one bit. Is that normal for someone at my stage, or is it odd?

I'm probably rambling but: what should I do about my mother, and is my lack of dysphoria at home weird or normal?
Please help me out... I don't know how to feel about any of this any more....
-Michael Charles.

Sent from my SPH-L720T using Tapatalk

I would say give your mother some time. Parents go through stages of acceptance and maybe she hasn't had enough time to get through all of them since it's only been 8 months. For some people it can take years. It seems like she's in denial. Correct her when she uses the wrong pronouns and practice tuning her out the best you can if she persists. The main thing is, don't allow her to undermine your self image. You know you're a man, no matter what she calls you it won't change that fact. Once she sees that you're firm in your identity as a male and she can't sway you she'll move onto the other stages of acceptance.

It's common to have dysphoria about some things and not about others so don't worry about not having any bottom dysphoria.

I can relate to how you feel about the feminine body shape bothering you when you're in public but not as much when you're at home. I'm like that too. My chest and the few curves I do have bother me really badly in public because they cause people to see me as female. When I'm at home those things still bother me but not as much because no one is around to see me or judge me because of them.

You should also be careful about binding too tight or for too long because it could cause a lot of problems and may make it difficult for you to get top surgery in the future.

Sorry you are experiencing this. There wasn't an age mentioned. Giving your mother time is a good idea, but you also have to prepare yourself for the likelyhood that she might not come around. If you are at the age of maturity then finding employment and finding a place of your own. Being a man means standing on your own two feet. as much as we want family support, we also have to prepare ourselves for the hard choice of letting them go. Life is dangerous being trans* and your mother needs to understand that outing you in that way can be dangerous to you.

I love my family from a distance. I don't need their support or approval to be the man that I am. and thats how you are going to have to be in your journey. you might want her approcal but you don't need it to move forward. especially if this is the life you want for you.