I posted this in the TS FTM forum but anyone can chime in. I just wanted to see who could really care less if they pass or not. In the beginning, I use to be obsessed with "passing" but only because I was in a lot of groups on and off Facebook and thats all that was talked about. I got so caught up in the "do I pass" thing that I was spending money on packers, STPs and binders.

Finally one day, I thought to myself, what the hell am I doing? I don't have body dysphoria and nobody cares whats under my clothes, including me. Now, I only wear my binder when I feel like it. I've been known to go out without a binder on. Hell, I'm a fat man lol and I have moobs. I haven't used my STP in months and I will walk into the mens room head high.

I know I can't be the only one in this wide wide world of TG/TS that doesn't give a hoot about passing.....

An obsession with passing can be quite detrimental to one's transition. That said, being unable to blend in and be accepted as the gender one identifies as is also detrimental (and potentially dangerous in a trans hostile environment). Finding the right balance is an individual choice and dependent on many factors. Quite a few people have passing privilege already, or do so after a short time on hormones, others may struggle with their physicality for years. While I don't obsess about passing I still need to take certain steps to ensure I do...shaving (although not for much longer), a wig (sadly my MPB will be many years in recovery, if ever) and a touch of make up with female clothing. If I didn't (especially the wig) I wouldn't pass and I wouldn't be accepted as female. Yes I have degree of passing privilege because of my features but overall I still need to work at it for peace of mind and acceptance, I just don't obsess over it.

On a personal level I don't care if I pass. I know I'm a man and that's what matters.

But being viewed and respected as a man in society is important to me. It is largely that affirmation and recognition that makes my dysphoria more bearable while I figure out bottom surgery options. I'm lucky that I don't have to work hard to pass. Testosterone has basically been a miracle drug for me, and top surgery put a stop to any misgendering that I was experiencing. I didn't realize how much passing would matter to me until it became a consistent thing.

It's not a matter of passing. People could see that I was born girl but as long as they get the name and pronouns right then that is what is important.

I did obsess over it right at the start of my transition, but then realised it was a toxic obsession and got over it. Do I pass? Apparently so, because I rarely have any passing-related issues. Do I really care? Nope, not really.