I "knew" in year 2 (5-6yrs old). We all had to write down one wish that we wanted. Most put down gameboy/money/clothes but i put "I wish I was a boy". My teacher awwed at it and nothing came up after that. I was a self-declared tomboy usually mistook for a boy which i didnt mind so much. I also stole a pair of boys underpants from a shop once too. they were FAR too small but I just really wanted them and i knew my parents probably wouldnt get me them.

Then in yr6 (11yrs old) Puberty talks and all that and i wasnt comfortable but it hadnt clicked properly.

I assumed that every other girl was going through the same turmoil. I though I had to force myself to like make-up and dresses. I tried really really hard to fit in. And it just didnt work. I swapped footy for cheerleading. Jeans for skirts. Went shopping with the girls. It just didnt work.

I must have been 12 or 13 and i found myself researching on the internet ways of getting a penis or being more boyish. And then id never think it again.

Then the inner arguements began to roll in. I was 14. I decided i was androgynous and it fitted for a bit and then the arguements began again a few months later and i decided i was genderless. By now i was 15 and I literally spent weeks aganozing about what was so fundamentally wrong with me. I took no counsel par my thoughts and the internet.

I found transgender. I wasnt NOT happy about it. I tried to find another reason. ANYTHING. ....nothing came up. I had some other issues at the time as well. I had my exams coming up. There was too much to contain within myself, so not long after my 16th birthday, I poured my heart out into a letter and confessed the world to my mother. Who was initially upset and then realised it just "made sense"

Everyone has been okay with it, except my very estranged father and as Dr Suess Said.


Im a very lucky person. I do keep myself to myself. I sometimes wish it had been picked up earlier but I think I caught it early enough for everyone to be okay with it but late enough to learn how the other side have it.

Gentle

I've realized something was wrong as early as about 9 or 10 years old, but couldn't quite realize what it was.  I always preferred playing with the girls over the boys.  Yet, I liked to do things that were both boyish and girlish; playing with hot rod toy cars and Nintendo games along with dolls, watching cartoons of all sorts regardless of what gender the main character was, playing sports outside as well as playing house, etc.   

Right around when I hit puberty, around age 12/13, I started to have conflicting feelings take place, having dreams about being a girl, being uncomfortable and torn between my feelings, and trying as hard as I possibly could to squash them, telling myself "it'll go away if I try hard enough".

For a long time, periods of time went by where I'd just forget about it, presenting as male as possible, and finding ways to enjoy myself.  Thankfully, I've always been level-headed either way.  I never got into drugs, fell into suicidal depression, or found myself getting into deep legal troubles.

Yet this year, after many of these feelings and sensations strongly resurfaced, I finally told myself it's time to accept and embrace who I truly am. 

Even though I haven't been, and can't be, aggressively out and about for practical reasons, all I know is that for the last 6 months, I've been much happier and more comfortable with myself.

As a very young child, I often did played 'girly' games such as dress-up, role-play (not that kind i.e. cooking, tea parties, etc.), and preferred playing with girls. However, as I grew older, I repressed my female tendencies and associated myself with male things, in order to blend in to my bigoted environment.
However, approaching puberty, I came to terms with the fact that I liked guys sexually and romantically, and my feelings towards girls were completely platonic, and that I preferred dressing like girls and doing 'girly' things, and wanting to be able to give birth later in life, feeling no inward feelings of masculinity at all, but wouldn't admit to being trans.
I had to repress these feelings in order to avoid bullying, so I presented myself with more of an agendered and asexual expression, which miraculously got me by.
Being in Amy cadets had it's fair share of hardships, as I had to have short hair in order to adhere to their rules (the fun times were worth it though).
Puberty was a nightmare, as my body became more masculine with my voice deepening, face becoming masculine and hair growing everywhere (one of my biggest source of disphoria), and came to the realisation that I wished I had a girl's body. During my time doing my A Levels,  at first identified as being pangendered, then moved to genderfluid after I realised I preferred spending more time as a pure female. However, by the time I had finished, I had realised that I was actually a fully trans woman , although an untraditional one at that ^_^

So THAT's why I've found myself at Susan's Place for almost two years!

Seriously, it was all over when I took the estrogen and realized how much better it made me feel.  Yup, I'm trans! 

Like 19.  Then I started hrt a year later.  Before then I was kind of obsessed with being normal, I really just wanted to do what  everyone else was doing and the idea of changing sexes was way too far in left field for me to even consider or cross my mind.  But I was and had been experiencing a lot of disconnects in my life that eventually led me down this path of which I'm not finished yet.

For as long as I can remember so when I was 4 or 5 but I didn't really understand it until my late teens.