I'm a 62 year old balding male, built like a tank, living in New Zealand. I have just watched a marathon session of Sense8 followed by Transparent. I have now read all there is to find out about Jamie Clayton and Lana Wachowski and I'm now trawling through youtube and watching Sona Avedian in disbelief. However she had fantastic eyes to begin with, whereas I am actually frequently mistaken for Anthony Hopkins. I even wear Silence of the Lambs t-shirts for a laugh.

This has all affected me profoundly. I live in a country where, traditionally, men grunt, drink beer. watch rugby and shear sheep. Despite that,  New Zealand is incredibly liberal. It was the first country to give women the vote, one of the first to allow gay marriage and the first to elect a transexual mayor, Georgina Beyer, who was later voted into Parliament. Even prostitution is legal in New Zealand.

I myself am most certainly not a "bloke's bloke". I don't hang out with the guys, I don't swill beer, I don't hunt or fish and I don't watch any ball sports. Mountain biking, snowboarding and a nice glass or two of pinot noir are my thing. Although I used to have more mates when I lived in England, in truth I have always far preferred the company of women, but as I'm a hetero (with 3 children) this has often ended the expected way with predictably disastrous results.

I started dating quite late at about 20. I got married for the first time (out of three) when I was 39. These all proved to disastrous. All my wives were very intelligent and two of the three were robust amazons. The third, now sadly no longer with us, was smaller but still wore the trousers. I realised quite some time ago that I played the subservient "female" role to them. That was all very well and they all enjoyed dominating me (sometimes with a degree of violence) but ultimately, as women, it wasn't what they signed up for with a robust male. They thus had no respect for me at all. I was a doormat. Despised.

My current partner is quite different. She, like me, is English and we have been together what is for me a record time. I don't live with her and I guess this has helped the relationship longevity quite a bit. At our age it's no longer based on sex and is much more platonic. I have even expressed my newly discovered feelings to her and she thinks it's quite amusing. I'm not sure she would feel quite the same if I took it further. She has even told the ladies at her women's tramping club (hiking) that I'm doing this just so I can join the club. I will admit to being most peeved at being excluded.

So now what? I'm sitting here tearing out my lack of hair.. I doubt my medical status will allow hormones or procedures (although I'm pretty fit, I have had a silent heart attack that my fitness prevented me from noticing). I love women's attire but I'm not a cross dresser as with my current build and looks it would be ridiculous. This is not a fetishist thing. I would simply love to be female.

Welcome to Susan's Place. You never know what you are going to end up with until you start working on it. If you haven't seen it, rent a copy of the movie Tootsie. In any case the objective is to as little as possible to obtain the look. You may never be a teen but maybe we can make a middle age woman out of you. I used a wig until I grew out enough hair and other girls have hair issues like yours. If you have the money and can handle the surgery, FFS will do much. If that isn't an option, you should be able to handle hormones, clear the facial hair and use a few makeup tricks. That is all we used for years until FFS became the thing. I only did my nose and my Adams Apple but hair, hormones and makeup did the rest. We will help you with any information we have, all you have to do is ask.

Hi Ju Ju and welcome to Susan's

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I'm a 62 yr old Aussie and I think I went pretty well!

Welcome

Cindy

It's never too late to start. A good gender therapist is where I would start if I were you, followed by a hormone regimen. Even at a low dose, the psychological effects might be just what you've been needing, even if it never goes any further than that, and should be tolerated well enough. You'd be amazed at what it feels like to have testosterone turned off! Beard lasering does wonders for making you feel good about yourself (nothing feels less ladylike than waking up to stubble every morning) and is a place where many of us started because it makes a huge difference and does not require being "out" at all. Good places to start, at any rate.

Welcome to Susan's place Ju Ju.  A 61 year old Kiwi girl here

I can echo Dena and GendrKweer by saying that hormones and electrolysis can do a lot towards improving your sense of well being.  For myself just having the pressure of male hormones switched off was a blessed relief and went a very long way towards improving my ability to live my life as the woman I'd always been.  Electrolysis hurt, but it was well worth it not to have black sticks growing out of my face anymore.  I was lucky in so far as I inherited the family genes that made me go grey early, but not lose my hair so that was one thing I didn't have to worry about.

Your experience may vary, but as a former heavy truck mechanic hormone therapy did a very nice job of reducing my muscle mass and gifting me a female body shape.  As a place to make a start it would be a good idea to speak to your GP first.  I've found that most Kiwi GP's don't know a lot about transgender medical issues, but are usually willing to educate themselves and be supportive.  Your GP should be able to refer you to a therapist who is familiar with transgender folk.  You most probably will have to wait for a therapist appointment once the referral goes in so use the time to start electrolysis which should help you to feel that progress is being made.
As to your medical history only your doctor will be able to advise you as to whether hormone therapy is possible for you or not.  Being older myself I have a chronic illness and other medical stuff that is a right pain most of the time, but I'm still able to be on hormones with regular support and follow up from my GP.

Good luck and hopefully we'll see more of you around on the forum in the future

I'm rapidly approaching 60, been balding since I was 14, been 6ft tall since I was 17, been nearly 250 lbs when I was 18, knew I was trans since I was 4 or 5. Started changing my life for the better a few years ago. Still present primarily as male and wish the circumstances that lead to that can change soon.

Gender Dysphoria comes in all shapes and sizes. For some it is life crushing, for others annoying like ringing in the ears. Only on occassion I've looked seriously at the finish transition or die option. Most of the time it's more like "In a perfect world I'd...."

When I decided a few years back I needed to seriously do something about how I was NOT handing being trans I also realized many to most of my problems in life was because I was spending so much psychic energy on beating the female side in submission. That plan was an utter fail. 50 years of trying it only turned me into a lifeless, soulless machine with no hopes, wishes, or dreams. Bare one given up on many many years ago. Plan B - Figure out how to get these two great aspects of myself to live peacefully together.

"Transition" to me is simply change. I started changing my automatic reaction to things starting with "I can't...." or my wife's favorite "No". I found a TG Support group that changed my life. THere were a couple of angels there for me when I most needed them. In time I eventually found joy and discovered passion. Most days now I am happy being in my own skin, except for the days I look in the mirror and see a sad old man.

It is never to late.... to change. Not as long as you are waking up on the right side of the grass

Quote from: JoanneB on July 03, 2015, 07:41:38 AM
"except for the days I look in the mirror and see a sad old man"

I know what that feels like. For years I have had the superpower of invisibility and so whenever I look at a mirror and there's this old wierdo following me about I get quite worried. How to I get rid of him?

Interesting replies from some around my age and here DOWN UNDER!! I didn't expect that. Its taken me all my life to figure out something wasn't quite right/ I suppose as dysphoria goes I'm on the mild side. Online gender tests which I tried showed me as more female than my own girlfriend and that's when I didn't lie about boyish things I had done half a century ago. Of course I was more male than her but nonetheless still less than my female. I'm a big softy. I literally can't even kill nasty insects - not that we really have any here in NZ!

I get the feeling that acceptance of TG might be somewhat better here in NZ than in countries with a large WASP population (no names). I know that if I turned up at work as a woman it would cause quite a stir but they would be most amused. As it so happens I am quite friendly with my skin specialist (gulp, skin cancer, what else in NZ) and he buys new lasers all the time to fix this and that. I'm sure I could get my beard done. It's useless anyway. I cant actually grow a beard and overall I'm not very hairy except for a grey chest. I have nice long well defined legs so they'd be a bonus at least!!

Seventeen years ago at my last company Christmas party in the UK (it was a company that had been awarded Emmy's) we did a fake Emmy ceremony and I was the hostess. For this event I actually made a gold lame dress! I thought I enjoyed it too much!!

Hi Ju Ju welcome to Susan's

Err I am 62 also and started a few years ago... in earnest that is... as for MPB, yes mine is a bad case too, but its (very) slowly recovering, but wigs today are really good tho.

For a few reasons I am not FT yet, but, if all goes well, I will as soon as I can.
I too am an ex Brit and my marriage relationship has lasted over 40 years... and agree with some of your other comments too  .

Because of our age, and not knowing any different we have tended to try and fit into our birth assigned gender roles, hating it, but we  kind of just did that then, well I did. As far as "men's" sporty things; naa, I never could or fitted in at all, in fact with many men things.

Anyway welcome and look forward to seeing you about the forum's

L Katy 

Just Turned 51 myself and after years of self abuse and neglect I took a huge leap of faith and have started the ball rolling for my own transition...I am transitioning away from where I am now to a better place and where that transition will finish I have not idea. Been in a relationship for 30 years and my wife, god bless her. is fully supportive. She still has a long way to go to be comfortable but we have both committed to each other again and are working through it.

I have the same doubts as you about passing and ever looking remotely look a woman. I guess you need to decide how important it is for you to please those around you or please yourself. I am an ex-pat Kiwi and I know only too well the pressures of NZ society. If I don't "fix" this in my life than I won't have one. What has helped me of late because I have been so distressed is little things like, getting into a beauty routine..nothing fancy but learning to take more care of your skin, wear womens underwear even if its under your boy stuff same goes for crop tops etc. maybe some clear nail polish on manicured nails(a real pleasure, in its self), you could wear a little makeup in the form of some concealer or eyeliner, thin out your eyebrows etc nothing to overt but you will know and it is amazing how much a small think like that can make you feel.

Good luck and don't give up, keep watching those U tube vids until you believe!   

Okay, i'll weigh in here!

I'm now 66. Way back in the 1950's in the U.S. There was only one word to describe anyone that was other than straight, and/or that didn't identify with the gender that was on their birth certificate. They were called Queer, Gay, and that was about it. Transgender was not a word yet! Before I ever entered kindergarten I knew that I was a girl....I knew! My best friend was a girl named Andi, and we played with her dolls, played dress-up at her house, until one day we were caught....now I say caught only because one day her mom walked into Andi's bedroom and saw us both in dresses, we didn't think we were doing anything wrong....but caught is exactly how I felt when her mom told me to get my own clothes back on, and go home....NOW! I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, and when I arrived at my house across the street my mom was waiting at the door. She simply told me to come inside, and that I was to stay inside until dad got home from work. I didn't understand....usually when I was told that, it was because I was in real big trouble. To this day I don't remember most of what was said, I just remember crying because I was no longer allowed to play at Andi's house, no longer allowed to play with dolls, and was told to never put on girls clothes. No more mention of today again.....ever!
And there will be no more of this "Gay" stuff.........or else!!

I was so confused, heartbroken, I lost my best friend, no more joy! I may be 66 now but the trauma, and the hurt I still remember like it was yesterday. That was the day I went underground, but I dressed in mom's clothes without her knowing, and did all sorts of girly things in secret..... that only I knew, and it stayed that way till I turned 65.
I finally came out to my wife of 44 years (one of the most horrible nights of my life next to losing my best friend in Viet Nam just 4 months into our deployment, plus Andi as I already mentioned).
I did a lot of self denial, guilt when I broke down and did something really girly telling myself I'd never do it again....and I always did, then more guilt. Countless thoughts of suicide, volunteered for dangerous assignments in Nam (I was an aerial gunner), rode bulls, motorcycle racing. Got married, two sons, macho all the way.
Being a girl was me, and although I hid it well it never, never, ever went away. You cannot deny forever who you really are, or at least I couldn't.
I've now had a bi-lateral orchi, I'm on HRT for just over a year now, I'm working on going full time, and once I get it all figured out how here in Texas (land of homophobia), I will never go back to presenting as male.
I came out to my sons, and their wives just after mothers day this year, and most of my friends now know, and it is so much of a relief to no longer hide things from those that are so close to me.
My marriage is iffy at best at this point.....I want it to work, but she is unsure on how far she can go with me in this journey. My kids are split, and still working on acceptance of their dad whom they were very proud. They knew me as the tough highly decorated combat veteran (7 air medals, 4 DFC's.....I may be a girl but I held my own), and they can't wrap their heads around me in a dress, and being feminine.

I'm telling you that I don't care what you look like now, you can get where you want to be to be you! You can, and you will find a way, believe me.
I'm still a work in progress, I'm no longer 265 pounds of muscle (down to 180 now), I've no more walrus mustache to adorn my upper lip. I have a modest B cup, and proud of my girls. I wear a nice respectable bob style wig, and will do a list of items including surgery as I can afford them. Yes even at age 66.
Is it hard? YES! .........Is it worth it? ..........YES!.......Can you do it?.......YES! If you want it bad enough you can do it.
You will find a way!

By the way Sona Avedian was one of the first video's I saw of someone that transitioned that inspired me.....Thank you Sona!!

I would rather die the woman I am, than live as the man I never was!

Well, I'm 38, Ok maybe 63 going on 21 months.