Hi all,

I have been using my binder and trying to buy more masculine clothes and wearing a tie.  It's hard since I don't have much money right now.  I'm trying to figure out what to do to be more masculine.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I am almost this close to shaving my face to try to calm down my dysphoria.  I am stressed and trying to exercise to lose weight and reduce the size of my breasts.  My stress and dysphoria are making me stress-eat and binge on crap food, and right now I'm drinking alcohol which is no good.  I have to fight to not go to the gym all day everyday, which is not productive.  I can't change my voice very well right now.  Does anyone have any suggestions?  I feel as if I don't really KNOW how to be a man, I feel confused.  Is there anything online that could help me learn how to be a man?

I'm thinking of buying a packer and wearing it, but I'm not sure about this.

Thank you very much,
Alexander

Firstly, you don't have to learn to be a man, you ARE a man regardless of what you look like, you sound like or the way you act.

In order to feel better in and with your body you could do weight training (I've seen people pre-T doing so and having enormous results), but you have to be aware of giving your muscles enough time to rest (at least 48h, better 72h).
Also: The greater the muscles the higher the fat-burning rate.

You could also check-out various ftm passing-guides, however I don't think that's really necessary...
As for the voice dysphoria; I know exactly what you mean. Pre-T my voice was so freakin' high, although I tried everything in order to deepen it. Even now 5 months on T I'm struggling with it. I'm watching tons of guys having those perfectly nearly adult male voices after like 3 or 4 months, while every phone-call, checkout-talk, etc. is a pain in the *** for me.

Those months waiting for my T-start were by far the most difficult months of my life, but I've progressed immensely as a person. At the beginning I felt just like you do at the moment, but time passed and I got more and more authentic and literally found myself. By that I also got a lot manlier without actually doing anything!
Being yourself and being confident - that's what people notice straightaway, and they are going to love it

Of course those things don't happen overnight ... seems like waiting is all what trans*life-is about.
I know it's not easy, but think about the future! One day you'll be on T, and it's gonna be awesome

best wishes,
shinigami

I go to the YMCA to work out and just successfully completed 6 weeks going 3 times a week and lost 3% body fat pre T. I have noticed that I actually have pecs, its a strange feeling.

In your case ask at your gym for a sheet with the workout equipment on it. The sheet I got has them listed with the seat positions and a place for the weight, set, and reps. This allows you to keep track of your progress and see the results as you improve. Plus when you get in there you know what you need to do and how much of it you need. It takes me about an hour to to get through my sheet. If you just do what is on the sheet and leave then you won't overwork yourself.

Shinigami is right,  you are a man!
I am pre T right now but am almost one month post top surgery. I feel ya on the voice issue it's truly one of my biggest give aways right now. I do make a conscious effort to lower my voice by talking from my chest rather than my throat if that makes sense.
I started shaving my face about three months ago and I'm so glad I did it gives a sense of manliness that brings some peace to my dysphoria and now I even have some black hairs coming in on my neck and cheeks!
I pack at times when I'm feeling really dysphoric about what's between my legs and it helps. In the beginning when I didn't have money for a proper packer I just used a rolled up sock it helped until I was able to get a proper packer. You could also look up home made packers ... I know there is a way to make one with gel and condoms - might be worth looking into.


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Quote from: Shinigami on July 11, 2015, 02:59:14 PM
Firstly, you don't have to learn to be a man, you ARE a man regardless of what you look like, you sound like or the way you act.

Best thing I've read all day. being a man isnt how you look and act, its simply who you are. and as soon as you start believing it mentally, it will start showing outward.

Definitely bookmarking this for myself. If I find any guides about "how to be a man," like something written for a boy who is coming of age, I'll post it here.

Keep an eye on why you feel this way, though, ok? You don't have to prove your masculinity to anybody, even though that's what it feels like our society wants sometimes.

Ya I agree you are a man. I personally believe that you can do all the physical alterations you want but if you don't have the confidence and self esteem to feel at ease with yourself its worthless.

Masculinity is a spectrum, and I feel that a lot of the time us t-guys (especially pre-T) overdo it. You are a man, despite what anyone thinks or how you are gendered, because it's what's inside that counts—as corny as that may sound, it's nothing but the truth. Heck, I still have friends that slip on the pronouns, but I know they see me as a guy. And even if people don't, I don't care, because it's an easy thing to go "Excuse me?" or "It's 'sir,' actually." People get embarrassed but something about seeing their expressions after they flub is almost confirming, as if they can't believe they got it wrong to begin with.

If you need some little tips that improve overall presentation, try just looking up Hudson's Guide and check out that for help on fashion, male-pattern behaviours, etiquette in certain situations (such as bathrooms and locker rooms, when you're ready for that), etc. You can read about being a man all day long, but you're not going to start acting like 'one of the guys' naturally until you instil yourself with the confidence to walk into situations as a man, with other men, and pick up on those behaviours on your own, and until you find the definition of masculinity that best fits you.

Hi Alexander,

Here is a link to some exercises I've been working on every morning. If you can, try investing in some dumbbells. If not, you can use books or gallons of water (anything that will give you a comfortable, but challenging amount of resistance).

http://man101.tumblr.com/post/25509153487/body-workout-shoulders

From everything I've read, you're going to want to get your shoulders to be wider than your hips. You can see where this is going. If you work out the muscles in your shoulders (deltoids, traps, etc.), and reduce the fat in your hips, you should theoretically be able to obtain a more triangular/masculine top.

In my experience, it's kind of tough to reduce my hip fat. I'm a pretty small guy already: 5'5'', 120lbs. It really takes a lot of dedication to get the fat level down but you can totally do it! And you can do it in a healthy way.

Keep your head up, brother. You're certainly not alone in your experience.

Shinigami, thank you for the positive encouragement about HRT and how it can change a lot..

Alexthecat, thank you for your suggestion about the gym and the sheet handout with all of the workout equipment listed.  That is a wonderful idea about not overdoing the weight training.  Thank you!

kaidenhendricks89, I have a tough time even just breathing from my chest.  It's not easy for me to do that.  I will keep on trying and practicing.  That's a good idea about socks for a packer. 

teddybear_zach, thank you for that reminder, that's very important.

Gothic Dandy, Yes, I definitely feel that society expects men to prove their masculinity and being macho.  Drives me crazy.

joeythejoster, self-esteem and confidence make your gender shine through yourself.  Definitely!

AndrewB, Thank you I felt your comment was very helpful!

Escher, Yup I'm trying to go to the gym to lose weight since I want to be healthy and knowing now that I'm a man, I find it very easy to motivate myself in going to the gym and trying hard to eat healthy now.  It's such a relief to feel like my life is coming together in a positive way to help myself work out everything in a positive direction.