I am wondering recently - how do You people get in touch, each with another? Did You just meet on the street, public transport, club, wherever? Online dating?

I am getting really frustrated over this and maybe it's because I am looking into wrong direction and doing wrong things? As far as online dating went, I have tried Transgenderdate (failed, because the site is mostly directed towards American hemisphere, besides the impression was that is was most about blogging and nitpicking/trolling each other than everything else). I tried OKC and it is even worse - it's either creeps who want to get on skype with You instantly, or random guys passing through and looking for one-night-stands, or straight guys who look at pics and dont read profile and once I mention my transgender status, they are just gone.
I tried LGBT forum and made a few lesbian/bisexual female friends, but again, these sites are mostly inhabitated by gay and lesbian folks who are into each other.
I tried sites dedicated for TG/TS admirers (unfortunately those are heavily leaning into fetish stuff), but is either about sex only (and I got replies to messages when I was not even posting pic), or I posted my pic from the outset (the current avi pic) and then there were no replies whatsoever - either I am too ugly, or I am not wearing proper stuff - nylons, lots of makeup and probably showing off my private parts...
As for real life... I live in a country with abundance of naturally beautiful women, many of which complain about the same thing - they cannot find a decent guy and those who are nice, are either taken, sworn bachelors or gay...
Yet, I keep reading and it's almost like every person here is in some kind of relationship or has had several relationships since beginning of transition. I wonder, how You people are doing this? Sometimes, I am really amazed, or it's just a hole where I am living in...?  I have not had any single contact (physical or emotional) for 2.5 years and it seems that things are going to stay that way. Or those in relationship are actually in minority? 

Being single and pre-everything, I can't speak to most of your post. But I can say that are definitely NOT ugly. Connections are tough in general I think. So it is probably that much tougher for you. I guess patience and tenacity are key.

I hate dating. I gave it up. Then a friend suggested I meet one of their friends. We ended up hitting it off well enough that I broke up (because trans), eventually came out to her, and now back together heading for a transition. If it wasn't for that, I'd still be single.

I just met people playing online gaming, always loved gaming. I used to become friends with people, only if I felt right about it did I tell them I was trans, meet in person as friends, relationship went from there. Not going to say it was easy for me. Was very scary meeting people from online in person but the people I am closest too in life, I have all met from gaming.

I'd be too scared to use a dating site myself, so points to you for bravery.

I had the same experience with the online thing. I met a handsome business man and it got quite hot verbally until I figured I'd better tell I'm trans and he couldn't handle it. I'm a lot older so I don't really care all that much, but it's tough I don't know what I'd do if I was in my 20's or 30's

I've been using OKC, but I've put it out there in line one of my summary that I'm trans. Then it's just weeding out the guys who just want me to fulfill a fetish and guys who are interested in me. The easiest way is to get them talking a while. The one's who are interested stick around and people just looking for some easy action get bored and move on usually.

I have been married twice. One I met through a dating service, one I met by coincidence in daily life. I am currently seeing someone I met on a dating site.

Usually daily life works out better because the person can get to know you first but on a dating site, when I tell the guy about my medical history, I usually never see them again. The current guy is the exception rather than the rule.

Are you open to dating trans guys?

Quote from: sparrow on July 13, 2015, 12:21:28 PM
Are you open to dating trans guys?

I would LOVE to have met a trans guy years ago! Never happened.....

In my case, it just happened be out there in daily life. He needed help finding somewhere and I was more than glad to show him the way when all he wanted originally was directions. He talked me up the whole way there. My kindness clearly one him over. I don't know if there is anyway to stop the ones that are interested in just one thing making an attempt of contacting you regardless of online or otherwise. Hugs
Mariah

Ther is an old saying, If you go looking for love, you will never find it.

So I met my man online, through a friend, on xbox.

I was out to this friend and all my other xbox buddies. So I was introduces as vicky, and more often then not reffered to as she. We remain freinds of a friend for a while. But this is important, I wasnt looking for a relationship. This ment I could be completelly relaxed around him and just be myself. Anyway he took an intrest in me and was hard to disuade, so I eventually exspalain that I wasnt looking for a relationship on account of being trans and all the stress of transitioning, and I dont care for one night stands.

So he eased of on the serious flirts and we went on playing and having fun and enjoying the company, however after signing of he desided to get a better grasp of what "transgender" ment, and went online to do some research.
This ment I was bombareded with questions, and since this was due to an intrest in me as a person I was ok answering, this turned into a conversation that lasted the better part of the day, and moved on from what transgender is, to how this transgender felt spacifiacly about everyday things whats easy whats hard, but.. He also put in his own two cents, on how it was different to what he had read, or how it was like what he had read. and by the end of it he himself came up with the conclution that each transgendered peron is completelly unique to each other just like every other person and that if he wanted to know about ME he is best just asking me.

So then He asked me, WHY i wanted to be a man? IM MtF lol. So exsplain that Im Male to female and that its the other way around. He then asked How far into transition I was, I exsplained I was pre hormones pre laser pre operations, and for intensive purposes as far as the rest oth world was concerned I was nothing more then a man In drag. He Said bull->-bleeped-<-, He said in the short time he has known me, He can tell Im a woman, and after everything we have talked about, He still cant see me as anything less, and If the rest of the world thinks otherwise they dont know what a woman is.

I melted, but still I didnt beleve him, I said he was just saying that to make me feel better. So He pointd out that, that was why HE thought I was FtM. He lives on the oposite side of the planet though, so Its still not easey.

Anyway. I dont know if this will help you or not, but i hope it does

online dating... same as what you were doing just refused to give up even when hurt and frustrated...had a couple relationships since transitioning only one longterm though...

I believe that relation is what you can't predict, luck may be, or destiny. I've been trying on so many dates, both online meet, street meet, real life meet, etc. and it all end right there at few dates. Never really able turn dating into relationship. I gave up now, just enjoy meeting new people, that's it. May be one day someone really want to get serious with me.

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on July 13, 2015, 06:37:34 AM
I posted my pic from the outset (the current avi pic) and then there were no replies whatsoever - either I am too ugly, or I am not wearing proper stuff - nylons, lots of makeup and probably showing off my private parts...

I met my BF almost three years ago in September through Flickr, an image hosting and video hosting website that is very popular still I think, and it is meant to use for the general population, (cis, trans people use it, everybody does) mostly for posting picture galleries.

I wasn't looking for it. It just happened. At that time I considered myself asexual, but I REALLY wanted to be seen 100% as female by hetero men, although in my profile I DID MENTION that I was a MTF transgender in transition, because i never tried to deceive anyone.

I never ever shown my private parts, I mean the parts in the pelvis area, because I didn't have SRS and I always hated ANY male thing in me. And I also found it distasteful. So I mostly showed pictures of my face, smiling most of them, with different hairdos, making a comment about that particular look. I threw in a full-body semi-sexy picture in a miniskirt or tight dress at times, and VERY RARELY did I show a few pictures in lingerie and even a couple topless. Of course, once I met my BF, they were gone from public view and I shared them only with him.

So that's what I can tell you about my own experience. I don't think he would have appeared in my life if I had ever shown my privates --which I totally hated anyways, 'cause they were male--  or too much makeup, making me look maybe like... well you know one of the girls in the streets late at night, whether cis or not. Bottom line, I believe you have to look the least trashy possible but with enough "sexiness" in your smile, facial expression and clothing, without crossing the border of decency because once you cross that line, nobody will take you seriously for a relationship. I think most worthwhile men always love meeting "elegant looking" women, whether cis or trans, with a nice feminine smile and enough sexiness that doesn't go overboard approaching the vulgarity frontier.

Just my two cents, I wish you lots of luck finding someone worth of your love!!!

If you're open from the beginning you'd attract most of the time only ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s who will search you for your 'stuff'.

If you are a pre-op straight trans who is searching for a straight man it's VERY difficult as pre-op as nothing more can repell a straight man than a penis. You need to tell him the truth but only you will know when you feel it's the right moment to thrash out but never say it from the beginning or they'll freak off, say it when you feel has been attached with you a minimum.

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on July 13, 2015, 06:37:34 AM
I am wondering recently - how do You people get in touch, each with another? Did You just meet on the street, public transport, club, wherever? Online dating?

I am getting really frustrated over this and maybe it's because I am looking into wrong direction and doing wrong things? As far as online dating went, I have tried Transgenderdate (failed, because the site is mostly directed towards American hemisphere, besides the impression was that is was most about blogging and nitpicking/trolling each other than everything else). I tried OKC and it is even worse - it's either creeps who want to get on skype with You instantly, or random guys passing through and looking for one-night-stands, or straight guys who look at pics and dont read profile and once I mention my transgender status, they are just gone.
I tried LGBT forum and made a few lesbian/bisexual female friends, but again, these sites are mostly inhabitated by gay and lesbian folks who are into each other.
I tried sites dedicated for TG/TS admirers (unfortunately those are heavily leaning into fetish stuff), but is either about sex only (and I got replies to messages when I was not even posting pic), or I posted my pic from the outset (the current avi pic) and then there were no replies whatsoever - either I am too ugly, or I am not wearing proper stuff - nylons, lots of makeup and probably showing off my private parts...
As for real life... I live in a country with abundance of naturally beautiful women, many of which complain about the same thing - they cannot find a decent guy and those who are nice, are either taken, sworn bachelors or gay...
Yet, I keep reading and it's almost like every person here is in some kind of relationship or has had several relationships since beginning of transition. I wonder, how You people are doing this? Sometimes, I am really amazed, or it's just a hole where I am living in...?  I have not had any single contact (physical or emotional) for 2.5 years and it seems that things are going to stay that way. Or those in relationship are actually in minority?

I know how utterly frustrated you feel. I have tried all the the same approaches, with much the same results, and I have never had a boyfriend at any time in my life. Here's hoping to both of us having some success soon.

Somewhat ironically, I found someone through the fetish community.

I totally get that as trans-women we don't want to be 'fetishized'. Guys have pursued me before specifically because I am pre-op, but that is not what I am looking for.

Why am I there? My (not-so) secret is that I am into BDSM.
---

The guy I am seeing genuinely perceives me as female. Always has. He sees who I am over what I am.

But Zoe, you don't identify strictly as female?

That is true, but when I see my guy, he makes me *feel* like a woman. So I guess, as he sees a woman, and I feel like one too, that makes our interactions 'straight'.
---

So my advice is simply to go where your interests are - this way you have a good chance of finding a like mind. Dating sites are just too general to make that likely.

I suppose there is a need for a short update - btw, I did read all Your replies and found them really useful or resonating with my own experience.

I have slight BDSM streak as well, so I tried local community forum and Fetlife - they were open but not really understanding. I just grew tired from constant misgendering... As long as they see my profile and gender me female, all is fine. Things change when I disclose - they are either gone, or their interests turn 180% degrees - I kinda become a magnet for guys (normal, adequate and strongly built) which openly tell that they are seeking a strong dominant female / transgender type. Essentially, they want transgender mistress or Domme... Gosh, I have no idea if my pics send such vibe (well, I am no dormat in everyday life) - but that's certainly not my vision of relationship .
Anyway, I left those sites too, and just out of curiosity placed another ad. The results so for tend to have slightly different streak - sure, I got the usual lot of suggestions for quick hook-up and questions about if I am into giving prostate massage... But this time initial filtering left me with two candidates (there is 0 usually) - so lets see how this will turn out.
If all else fails, at least this gives some sort of learning curve and each next attempt seems to bring wee-bit (tiny, lol) better results.

Quote from: ♡ Emily ♡ on July 27, 2015, 02:52:14 AM
I have slight BDSM streak as well, so I tried local community forum and Fetlife

*giggles* you too huh? :~)

Yeah, FL has been very good to me. A fair bit of sorting the wheat from the chaff ... but I eventually found some solid gold ...

Quote from: Zoetrope on July 27, 2015, 02:57:01 AM
*giggles* you too huh? :~)

As I keep reading between lines in other peoples' posts...  my impression so far is that is not that uncommon feature for this community .