I'm a literal mess right now tonight I found out after three hours that I got outed. I figured out that a guy I work with is also friends with one of my friends on tracked down my Facebook and somehow figured out it was me. And I had everything locked down tightly. And he was someone who I was always kind to and treated with respect and he ended up showing a picture of me to my entire crew of eight guys tonight during break! I only found out because one person on my crew is MtF just not showing it yet. After that I did notice everyone started treating me differently a couple guys were fine and one who is usually cold towards me was nicer but three more wouldn't have anything to do with me.

Where I work has little over four hundred people and I know its going to spread like wildfire within a couple of days. This isn't what I wanted to happen right now. I was planning on writing a letter to the market HR manager to get things rolling in a few months but now I've been shoved into the spotlight. I'm almost having a panic attack right now and have been close to crying for the past thirty minutes. I don't know what I should do at all now since I wasn't planning on everyone in my life knowing at this time. I'm sick to my stomach and can't imagine going to work tomorrow and having to face everyone. The only good thing is my job does have an anti-discrimination policy towards trans people along with my state.

Calm down Honey,

There is nothing to be afraid of. You where going to have to face this one day anyway. Talk to your HR people tomorrow. Let them know what has happened, you are covered by the Law so they will support you.

A person who deliberately outed you could be charged with bullying, bring that up with HR.

Some people will accept you, some won't. We can't do much about that.

I think it is time to maybe advance your schedule?

One thing is VERY important. Be proud of being you. Walk tall and smile, never cower. Be nice to people and if people say something nasty just politely say that they are being cruel and you are not interested in their opinion of you. To the people who are kind and accepting, thank them and tell them how you appreciate their kindness to you in this difficult time.

You will end up with a lot of friends who will support you and they will take on the jerks for you.

You are a lovely young woman and you deserve and will receive the respect our gender deserves in society.

Hugs Honey

Cindy

I can't even imagine going into work tomorrow at all right now. On top of that the people that work overnight already know and in five hours the day people will also. So I'm going to have to walk in with all eyes on me which I'm not ready for at all mentally. I'm didn't want to advance my schedule this fast I want to be full time but I had loose ends that needed fixed first but now everyone in my life knows about me. I just feel to betrayed and hurt right now that he felt the need to do that to me.

OK Honey,

I do understand. He has treated you very cruelly.

You have two options. Face it or not.

You know me, you know what I stand for, and I'll stand by you.

I would never hide. I would enter your work and be proud. Yes everyone may know. So what. I'm a trans sexual woman. It isn't my fault I was born this way. It isn't your fault.

I would walk in for every kid who is trans*, for every person who doesn't have the strength, for everyone of us who has heard the insults.

I would stand there and say 'Bring it on!!'.

My spirit and my strength will be standing next to you with my hand on your shoulder.

You can do this Hon. We can do this.

Quote from: Cindy on July 15, 2015, 03:33:11 AM
OK Honey,

I do understand. He has treated you very cruelly.

You have two options. Face it or not.

You know me, you know what I stand for, and I'll stand by you.

I would never hide. I would enter your work and be proud. Yes everyone may know. So what. I'm a trans sexual woman. It isn't my fault I was born this way. It isn't your fault.

I would walk in for every kid who is trans*, for every person who doesn't have the strength, for everyone of us who has heard the insults.

I would stand there and say 'Bring it on!!'.

My spirit and my strength will be standing next to you with my hand on your shoulder.

You can do this Hon. We can do this.

Ditto

I'm sorry that there are jerks out there. **Hugs** I know things are really hard on you right now but hopefully this is a blessing in disguise and things will work out for you!

Quote from: Cindy on July 15, 2015, 03:33:11 AM
OK Honey,

I do understand. He has treated you very cruelly.

You have two options. Face it or not.

You know me, you know what I stand for, and I'll stand by you.

I would never hide. I would enter your work and be proud. Yes everyone may know. So what. I'm a trans sexual woman. It isn't my fault I was born this way. It isn't your fault.

I would walk in for every kid who is trans*, for every person who doesn't have the strength, for everyone of us who has heard the insults.

I would stand there and say 'Bring it on!!'.

My spirit and my strength will be standing next to you with my hand on your shoulder.

You can do this Hon. We can do this.

Ditto again! We are all here with you. I know it must be scary. I had two weeks to get my head together between telling my coworkers and returning to work. But I realized it didn't make a difference, it was just as scary. But I trusted in the coworkers who had voiced support before and they helped me along. Is there anyone you are close with there? Anyone you can trust? Talk with, or email them and ask for help. You will be surprised at the kindness you will find coming your way.

perhaps by making contact with the hr department you may still be able to keep your time line, you have can explain what happened and what your plans are and they can deal with a reality check for the employees regarding how they interact. this may well just be a beginning to developing some dialog with hr and nothing more.
so very sad to hear that are being put into this situation and hope you can create a positive outcome for yourself. there are so many poop heads running around that will grab at any thing to try to be something regardless of what it cost everyone around them.

hI Raven

I know its scary but coming out at work will always be an anxious event .You will find that most people do not give a hoot and will be fine .yes You may get the occasional Idiot that makes a big thing of it but like with everything new it will soon settle into the background and become normal and excepted .you will get people misgendering You  occasionally especially if they have known you a while ( most people are pretty slow to pick up anything new LOL). The best thing to do is pull up your big girl panties and go in head held High and show the person that outed You that You are the better person and they will not win .  The sooner You contact HR the better then You have the protection and support of the company and the law . Once you have settled down and started being Yourself at work You will never look back ,the feeling of letting go of all the repressed mannerisms and feelings you have been hiding all these years is priceless and wonderful. Stick with the people that seem accepting and avoid the idiots and You will be fine

It may be a blessing.

When I came out at work, nearly everyone supported me.

There were a few guys who just went completely cold on me and stopped talking, but the ladies have been completely receptive. In fact I haven't encountered a single one who isn't treating me like any other woman. My teammate who was the only woman on the team jumped for joy because she said now she has company on my team.

A gay guy who I was friends with from before is now completely happy for me and very proud of me. He's a bit of an activist for LGBT issues. He's not attracted to me (cause he's gay and he likes big, muscular men) but he and I are very good friends and allies.

I do get the part about being outed inadvertently though. That's pretty terrible but you can view this as a push forward and talk to your HR department.

The way I look at it, if people don't like me after I've gone full time at work, I don't want to be friends with them. I have plenty to go around. I have a good personality and I'm fun to be around. I'm also smart as a whip and I'm pretty good to work with, so people like me a lot. (These are things other people have said to me, so I'm not really bragging). The bottom line is to realize your own self worth and realize who you are.

I've also had absolutely zero issues with restrooms and even the gym women's locker room. I "pass" good enough to get by but people in my department know me and they know what my deal is.

Misgendering was frequent the first few days but died down pretty quickly. Almost no one makes a mistake and people who do correct themselves.

Can you call HR and schedule a meeting for first thing?  It's important to be proud of yourself, but it's important to have compassion for yourself when you're afraid.  Flight response keeps us alive sometimes!

I'd call up HR, and meet with somebody first thing.  Tell them what happened, and what you're afraid of.  They can remind your co-workers of the word about the company trans policy without mentioning you... and maybe you should take the day off while word gets around.

There's a silver lining: you're out at work.  You can be you now.  A few people might be ugly about it.  Don't be afraid to run to HR.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. We would like to be in control 100% during the transition period especially coming out at work and sometimes this does not happen. Cindy has given you very good and sound advise and as hard as it may be right now you will set the tone going forward. During transition we are going to be faced with many hurdles that we have no control over. Try to spin it into a positive in that some people now know what would be different in a few months especially their reactions. I had worked for a company of around 8000 people when I came out at work. Believe it or not the news did not spread like wild fire. Most people do not care as much as the media thinks they do. When I traveled to the other offices or departments in the same building across the US I thought they knew and they did not. It caused some fun moments. I knew them but they did not know me !!!! Try your best to focus on the positives and wear your PRIDE on your shirt while talking to HR and others it will go a long way for you and them more than anything else.

Thanks ladies

Somehow I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night. But this morning when I woke up it really hit me and almost had a panic attack. Right now I'm trying to piece my thoughts together on what to do. I am going to go in and talk to HR and maybe a couple of the managers that I do trust. At this point its not something that can be easily hidden anymore. Since pretty much everyone that I work with could feel something has been up with me for awhile. Plus I've been doing a horrible job acting like a male now. Where even one manager that is really really dense even asked me why I look so unhappy. I'm just going to explain it and just say I need to take rest of the day off, right now I don't have the emotional strength to handle nine hours at work.

I'm still really hurt about what the guy did to me. Usually during my crews last break the smokers go outside and the ones that don't go to our break room. Last night everyone went outside to the smoking area so he planned this out in advance. And then he had the nerve to come back in and act completely fine with me and joke with my while I was oblivious to the entire thing.

Thanks again everyone I'm just still trying to figure all this out

I really doubt anyone's going to want to loose their job, just talk to management  you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Quote from: sparrow on July 15, 2015, 10:18:00 AM
There's a silver lining: you're out at work.  You can be you now.

Exactly! They may have taken some control from you, buy they also took a weight off your shoulders.

You don't have to hide anymore. You don't have to worry about how people are going to react. Some people are fine, some are not, some treat you even better. That was going to happen. Now that guy has gotten himself in some big problems.

Go and talk with HR. They will protect you, not that you need a lot of protecting anyway. And we're all behind you.

Thanks, I've worked up the courage to go in to work in a few minutes. Plus I've already called my therapist and have an appointment to try to work stuff out tomorrow. I'm going to take the day off once I explain a few things and go over to a friends house. Since I really don't want to be alone right now and need someone to talk face to face to and maybe have a good cry.

Hugs Raven.
I thought you were already full time. You look good enough for that.

It is hard to give advice; I can tell what I'd do but that likely won't help.
Yes, get help of the therapist and friends. Be humble and friendly, but don't let someone make you feel shame. Good luck, Raven!

Comming out at work IS one less Problemb for you now.
I hope things things get better for you, but most of all remember from this point onwards how people treat you at work IS somthing that WAS going to happen LATER rather then sooner. (you did say eventually you was going to come out)

And despite the varying reactions you will most probably get from people due to this, please focus on the posative ones, knowing that thE kindness you get, continue to get, and the friendships you make and retain, are towards you for you, not for presenting an act representing a social exspectation.

At work atleast you have a better picture of who your friends are, and are now free to present as you wish, without having to worry who will accept and not accept the inner you.

Im sorry your out this way. But Im glad you dont have to worry about comming out. Please Let us know, How things go, And how your holding up through it all.

I've talked with HR she is very understanding I'm still waiting to get with a manager since they are busy. So I'm close to having a nervous breakdown I just want to get this over with

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Hugs hon. You are doing really well.