Hi there thanks for reading. Sorry if you get offended in any way not my intention.

Here's my question, how do you stop being transgender?
All my life I've practically lived as a boy (born a girl) and since it's not a big issue for females as it is for males I wasn't confronted on it. The usual you know, wearing boys clothing, actin' like a boy, havin' alot boy friends etc. I got comfortable with being the "tomboy" just being part one the guys. Now I'm 17 years old and lived as "Ethan" for a year now. Annnd I'm just thinkin can I change this?At first when I hit puberty I got alot of gender dysphoria and worry to go through all the hormonal changes. Along with having the expectation of getting a boyfriend to get laid as fast as you can.
But now I don't have any dysphoria, while ruined my breasts abit with binding. At first I was happy with this, this is who I am, I used to think. But being a born again Christian now I believe this isn't who I am. So anyone please give me your point of view on whether you have a choice in this or not, can you surpress it etc.

well, seeing your so deeply conflicted I'd suggest seeking professional help with a therapist to bounce things off of.

Hi, welcome to Susans!
The thing is about being transgender, most people can't stop being trans. The issue is more about how you present and whether you fully or partially transition. A lot of people try to stop being trans but what they usually mean is not presenting as the gender they identify as. I did that when I was 24 and then spent the next twenty or so years in denial and feeling miserable about my life. Others end attempting to over compensate by throwing themself into their assigned gender roles, or by distraction through hobbies, activities, etc. For some it helps them, for other not so much and they end up very depressed. You should talk to a counsellor to find ways to express your gender in a way you feel comfortable and happy.

Why would you wana supress who you are. Look at people who do or, highly likely do: Ted haggert, Matt Barber, ect.... The results are awful. Just be what makes you you

Just because you have thoughts like this growing up doesnt mean you are transgender. And part of the reason some trans people dont like the idea of blockers to surpress puberty, is because going through their puberty and having these thoughts, desires and the overall need to transition persist through it despite trying to surpress and ignore them, Is important to them.

In addition to this, nearly all children exspress cross gender behaviour while growing up, In most cases, by the onset of puberty if not the end, these behaviours fade.

Do I as a person believe you can stop being Transgender? No. It is somthing you either are, or are not. If you are starting to think that maybe you are not transgender, maybe you are not, but that doesnt mean you stopped being so, it just means maybe you never were.

Being transgender isn't something you turn off as easily as a light switch. I tried suppressing it after backing away from transition one time. The end result is no amount of distraction could keep it suppressed and I nearly died as a result of trying to do that. What makes you happy and allows you to be you is all that really matters. I can understand that sometimes it can be difficult to maneuver being christian and possibly transgender at the same time until you realize that they are not in conflict with each other. As others have stated, a gender therapist could really help you sort through this and allow you to be at peace with yourself. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Alas Lauren, I wish I could say there was an easy answer. But generations of doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, and pastoral caregivers have tried to find a way to make a person no longer transgender. No one has ever found a way to do it. People who ignore it often find it harder and harder to put aside, and depression and anxiety is often the result.

There are many, many devout Christians who are transgender. There is nothing un-Christian about being transgender. Nowhere in Christ's teaching does it say anything about transgender being sinful (as if you could be sinning merely by being born transgender), nor is there anything prohibiting a gender transition. So please don't think being transgender goes against your religion or treating it in whatever way makes your life wonderful.

Good luck, Lauren. I'm sorry I couldn't give you a more hopeful message.

Hello and welcome 

Many people now say being transgender has biological connections, to do with brain development before birth.
So its nobodys fault, neither the transgender persons nor their parents upbringing or whatever.
People are born with all kinds of birth condition, and other people are called to help.
It should all be dealt with in a spirit of love imo.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077

Some people say they will be like their male/female twin, with the same sense of humour...

This is a resource with a very emotional description of an accepting parent, talking about restraints some people might have:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190486.msg1697083.html#msg1697083


and here are a few thoughts that might help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,191620.msg1708270.html#msg1708270

Well I'd say take the time you need but keep at it...
if you feel like it call one of the hotlines...

usually peeple feel what would make them happy...
so imo overthinking does not help...

hugs

Quote from: Ms Grace on July 15, 2015, 03:50:02 PM
Hi, welcome to Susans!
The thing is about being transgender, most people can't stop being trans. The issue is more about how you present and whether you fully or partially transition. A lot of people try to stop being trans but what they usually mean is not presenting as the gender they identify as. I did that when I was 24 and then spent the next twenty or so years in denial and feeling miserable about my life. Others end attempting to over compensate by throwing themself into their assigned gender roles, or by distraction through hobbies, activities, etc. For some it helps them, for other not so much and they end up very depressed. You should talk to a counsellor to find ways to express your gender in a way you feel comfortable and happy.

This,

I threw myself into my assigned role, nearly killed me. Still present as male (MtF) and it's getting harder to not to just be myself. I definitely have to agree with the others and recommend a gender therapist.

At risk of being controversial I would say that anyone who is truly trans simply cannot stop, and that is broadly the current opinion of the medical profession too. There are maverick individual doctors who by reason of religious conviction or cultural pressure, find themselves compelled to resist this idea, but they are increasingly in the minority, and to borrow the word of Barack Obama about the climate change deniers, these people represent the flat earth contingent of society who refuse the truth whenever it is inconvenient to them.

Sure Transpeople can repress, and perhaps try to ignore their feelings, but the evidence is that this warps their personalities in quite unpleasant ways and often leads to an embarassing late breakdown, with attendant loss of reputation and many social difficulties that could so easily have been avoided if only the person had been more honest with themselves at and earlier age.

Thus I have to say that when someone tells me they can stop being transgender my response is "If you can do that then you never ever were even close to transgender and never will be either" endof!

I am sorry to add to the chorus but no, you can't make it go away. I was born with a male body but knew my whole childhood that I was different. Then puberty came and I became certain I was female. I struggled with it until I was around your age. Almost came out a few times. But I decided to listen to the hate around me in society instead of listening to the unconditional love of my family or the wisdom of my pastor. I choked off my emotions and set off on a 20 year journey that became more torturous with every passing minute. After a terrible time entering my 30's I broke down, stopped denying my feelings and had a five plus year journey of rediscovery. I was still hoping I could make it go away but it was never going to be. This is how God made me, I am made in God's image therefore it would be wrong of me to not celebrate the aspect of the divine that God bestowed upon me as a gift. Becoming me has been the most gratifying experience of my life. It brought me closer to those I care about and closer to God.

Quote from: FaithfulLauren on July 15, 2015, 03:32:21 PM
...But now I don't have any dysphoria...

When I'm presenting the gender that I feel, I don't feel dysphoric.  A couple of times, I've taken that lack of dysphoria to be a sign that my trans-ness was gone.  So I put on my old clothes.  On the days when I've made it out the door in my old clothes, I've felt like ->-bleeped-<- all day.  So I've gradually come to terms with these feelings, this identity.

Have you tried dressing as female?  Can you imagine going out like that?  If you can do it, try it out.  If it doesn't hurt, or you want more of it... do what seems most comfortable.

This is indeed quite a controversial topic, and I will try to gently address these points without breaking any rules here....

Before I start, it would be best to know what you mean by being a "Born again Christian".  What I mean is: did you come to the faith and then other people who claim to be Christian told you that being transgender is wrong according to their interpretation of the Bible, or did you honestly seek God with all of your heart, soul, and mind, and are truly convicted by Him that you are to live as your biological sex?  If it the first reason, then I would say to look into LBGT-affirming churches that would affirm your transgender identity.  If it is the second reason, well, that gets a bit more tricky.

Honestly, in my personal opinion, I believe that 98 percent of people who are *really* transgender will always be transgender for the rest of their life, and/or will still those feelings.  As a Christian (fundamentalist), this is not to say that God can't change anyone, but it doesn't happen often if He does.  Theologically speaking, one may consider being transgender a "thorn" in the flesh".  From what I've seen when it comes to this issue, quite a few transgender people experience depression and even regret when their true identity has to be surpressed, for one reason or another.

We do have a detransition forum here that I recommend you check out.  Aside from that, if you are truly convinced that you are called to live in your biological sex, then you may want to surround yourself with others who feel the same way.  I wish you good luck in your journey, whatever you decide to do.

I didn't have a choice in being this way. My transition is a response to the reality of the situation. I prayed on it, and I feel that God is fine with it.

If you don't have dysphoria, what is your issue? You can be a tomboy and go by a traditionally male name. That can be your life. Nobody is making you transition further. You can just exist as you are if this is who you want to be. There are plenty of masculine women in the world.

Either way, you would probably benefit from speaking to a mental health professional that isn't affiliated with your religious life.

Welcome to Susan's Place!

The Devyl's advocate has arrived.    Since this is posted in Transgender Talk and that's our umbrella term, I'll offer this viewpoint. I'm a crossdresser. My spot on the gender spectrum is looking female, not feeling female. I will probably stop presenting female when age takes too much of a toll and I can no longer even vaguely pull it off. But will I have stopped being transgender? Would it just have been a phase I was going through? I don't know the answer to these questions. I appreciate that you made me think about them, and I hope you find your answer here. See you around!

Hugs, Devlyn

There are Tomboys and then there are transmen. Many girls growing up are tomboys. Whiles guy are able to do and get away with some cool stuff, these girls deep down don't want to be guys. They just like a lot of the same things guys do. Often times these likes carry over into adulthood. It just does not make them trans.

Many teens also hate their bodies. TBH, I doubt in "Western" culture there are many that truly  are happy. With all the hormones raging as a teen the feelings are far worse. It does not make you trans.

For sure, wishing for as long as you can remember to wake up as a guy. That some miracle will happen. That certainly indicates that you may be trans. For most those feelings never stop. How severe they are, how much they affect your daily life tends to determine a course of action to manage the condition. There is very broad spectrum of behaviors/emotions between cis-female and cis-male. Not all trans people are created equal. Not all transpeople must follow a certain path to find relief.

So to me the real question is is it being trans or just a phase? Being trans or going into deep denial? Totally not trans but mistakenly took being a tomboy as being trans? And likely a LOT more real questions that need answering before answering the easy one. Easy as in as others said, you just can not. Diversions, Distractions, and Denial work. The cost to your soul and happiness is high. They are effective countermeasures. Heck, I relied on them for decades "To Get By". I eventually learned I needed to Live.

In my line of work I've seen time and time again the results of other engineers trying fixes for a problem without really knowing exactly what was the real problem that need solving. You need to be totally and brutally honest with yourself answering the hard questions about your feelings. For sure many will be in major conflict with other aspects of your life. Life is all about balance. There are no perfect answers.

Only you can answer the real question of are you or aren't you. If you are the next question is how to manage your flavor of trans. Hunt down a "local" PFLAG chapter, contact a state/county wide Trans or LGBT organization for help in finding a gender therapist or at the very least a T friendly therapist that knows a little something about trans. A local support group may have some leads.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on July 15, 2015, 10:38:05 PM

My spot on the gender spectrum is looking female, not feeling female.

Nice phrasing, I like the distinction. Though I still have trouble regarding what "feeling female" means and how anyone could ever know.

Quote from: FaithfulLauren on July 15, 2015, 03:32:21 PM
Hi there thanks for reading. Sorry if you get offended in any way not my intention.

Here's my question, how do you stop being transgender?
All my life I've practically lived as a boy (born a girl) and since it's not a big issue for females as it is for males I wasn't confronted on it. The usual you know, wearing boys clothing, actin' like a boy, havin' alot boy friends etc. I got comfortable with being the "tomboy" just being part one the guys. Now I'm 17 years old and lived as "Ethan" for a year now. Annnd I'm just thinkin can I change this?At first when I hit puberty I got alot of gender dysphoria and worry to go through all the hormonal changes. Along with having the expectation of getting a boyfriend to get laid as fast as you can.
But now I don't have any dysphoria, while ruined my breasts abit with binding. At first I was happy with this, this is who I am, I used to think. But being a born again Christian now I believe this isn't who I am. So anyone please give me your point of view on whether you have a choice in this or not, can you surpress it etc.

You seem to have a lot of conflict going on at the moment, which isn't surprising given your age. I can't add anything other than to say that gender dysphoria can fluctuate (as it does in me) and to support those here that suggest you see a therapist. Try not to get too down about everything, you'll eventually sort it all out.

Quote from: Echo Eve on July 15, 2015, 11:53:56 PM
Though I still have trouble regarding what "feeling female" means and how anyone could ever know.

I didn't realize what this meant for me until my niece was about a year old [she's 3 now]. I'm AMAB, and I suppose I can say I'm in the very early stages of beginning my transition. I've never gotten the fascination with children. They've always bored me, or made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't have children of my own. I have a fair few younger cousins, and many of my friends and older cousins also have children. But I've never felt the inclination to let them get closer than an arms length away when they were babies.

With my niece, it's been different. For one, my dysphoria has been getting stronger in recent years, the more I've tried to suppress it. For another, I've actually gotten to spend a lot of time with her, and it turns out she's actually pretty terrific [I think her parents are doing a good job]. I've always been very guarded emotionally. My face is a blank wall and I tend to be quiet and not speak much in social situations. My niece, when she started getting older, more ambulatory, and more talkative, has awakened a nurturing side of me that I did not even know I had the capacity for!

Suddenly, a light switched on in my head where I realized I couldn't treat this little tiny life form the way I've treated so many others. So I opened up completely with her. Not all at once, but building up slowly over time. It was very out of character for me. I hug and nuzzle her when she comes to me. I chat to her about all sorts of things [she's currently in the constant asking "Why?" stage]. The first time she sat in my lap and asked me to read her one of her story books made my heart ache in a way I never thought possible. Sometimes she'll come to me instead of her grandparents when we're all together, and I play it off like it's no big deal, but secretly I'm grinning from ear to ear.

I can tell my family is perplexed by all this. Especially because it is so out of character. Nobody has said anything to me about it, and I suppose in a way they're happy I've opened up a little bit after a lifetime of being a robot.

Some of the best moments of my life in recent years have been spent in her company. Honestly, it's been fantastic. This came at a point in my life where I was quite depressed, and it lifted me out of the haze. It's also helped me make the decision to seek some help and start my transition. I still don't think I'll ever have children of my own, but I love doting on her at least. And this is enough for the moment.

So, to me, this is part of feeling like a woman. It's an important part, but not the only part mind you. For example, I'm looking forward to HRT because goddamn do I want a nice pair of titties. And all the other trappings, the physical aspects, body changes, hips, hair and make-up, clothes, handbags! Looking forward to it all.

PS: Fun fact, my browser tries to auto-correct dysphoria to dyspepsia