I'm currently in the military, in the long slow process of being seperated, after living as a male for 20 years I've gotten fed up and am too ready to be a woman. Problem being I'd have to come out of pocket for all the doctors blood work and medication and I don't think I can do that currently, I've thought about self medicating but I would need some help somewhere down the line. I'm also coming out much easier to people, no one in my workplace yet, so it's nice but it hurts to be a male longer than I have been...

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Hey Lilith,

Living in a strongly heteronormative environment can be really rough on people like us.  But apparently, the military is rapidly getting better about trans rights.  I know nothing about the military, but does it make sense to talk to somebody up the chain of command?

Priority number one is therapy.  Are there local support groups?  Is there counselling available to service members who are going through divorce?  Is the VA bound to confidentiality, and if they are, have you called them for advice?

What are you doing to cope?  Do you cross-dress in private?  Can you wear nail polish, shave your legs, wear panties or hose under your uniform without being discovered?  Play female characters in online games?

Thank you for the response, I need to check with the VA for sure, in therapy but not for this issue sadly. I can't get to the group I know of around here, which is why I got on these forums. I wear panties almost all of the time, shave? I can't paint my nails which is something I enjoy. As far as my chain of command I am planning on letting them know but it can potentially get me in trouble so I'm hestant.

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What about your toenails?

Do you have an expectation of how your therapist would respond to learning that you were gender variant?  Single-issue therapy sounds... ineffective.

So I am thinking about the toenails but I have a homophobe roommate. I'm in group therapy and I did come out to them. I told my parents who took it pretty bad, they're trying to work with me though. I don't really have a support group for my personal time, my friends don't know and I can't imagine them being too accepting.

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