So I finally took the advice from certain forum members and finally talked to a gender therapist! I was a bit nervous but everything just came out without any censorship or hesitation (shocking!). We talked for over an hour and based on the answers to his questions, my emotions, experiences, and reflections - he didn't have a doubt that I am having issues with my gender.

What stroke us as funny was that when I first walked into his office he thought I was already on HRT...which I have never been. Because of this, he will talk to my General/house doctor so that I could take some hormone test as (like I mentioned before) my body never developed into the typical male's body...my voice never deepened nor did I grew an Adam's apple. Perhaps it is a case of intersex.

(I am posting a pic of myself - it is in one of my cross dressing days which I carry out when I make a Youtube video for my online women's clothing store called magical33...so please guys tell me what you think). I never have taken hormones in my life but people think I do.

I will have to wait until I do that test to know what is going on with my body but one thing is for sure...and I let my doctor know this, was that if my body is producing estrogen more than testosterone I don't want them to reverse this as I will not be happy with the body of a man. My next appointment is the 31st of July and I'm feeling excited. 

One thing to note is: for some reason after my talk and cross dressing several times already, my confidence has gone up. However, when I am not dressed in feeling garments I noticed that my depression and emptiness deepens  .

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I dont think, your depression deepens,
you have the floor, and the happier you are, the higher you are. Making, going back to the floor, is a larger drop.

eventually, you'ill bring the floor up with you :p

You look fantastic. Congrats on going to your first therapy appointment. I can still remember my first one yet the session itself is a blur. It's true the more experience we get the more confidence we tend to get. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

I loved this it is giving me just a little more confidence to come out of my shell

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Hi Mijo2053, welcome to Susan's. I'm glad it's giving you a little more confidence to come out of your shell. I know my being on here has helped with my coming out of my shell. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hi Mijo2053, I'm glad that it is giving you hope. Sometimes it is good to know that you're not alone in this big world and like Mariah stated; this forum has and will still help a lot if you stick around. We are all on the same boat and would help you with any questions you may have.