"As for my position going forward. First of all I would encourage (your wife) to leave you as soon as possible. I would hope that she would find the support that she needs to get beyond you and this Godless, faithless marriage. She should do the soul searching necessary to figure out who she truly is because there will soon be another life to consider [our baby]. I would hope that she would seek God's grace and guidance. How she responds to the questions of this child will form her thought processes. Your mother and I obviously were sorely lacking in providing you with what was needed for you to become a rational adult."

"As for your future, it is totally in your hands now. There will be no support from me in any way. I would prefer that you not even contact me again, unless it is to tell me that you were completely wrong and that you are going to church and receiving counseling with a Biblical perspective. This is the only way that I would ever involve myself with you again. In the absence of this, you are no longer welcome at any family gathering or function."

"I have not spoken to (your brother) but I know that (your sister) does not want you anywhere near her family and attending her wedding is certainly out of the question. The best thing you can do for all concerned is to leave the area and seek like minded people. I will continue to pray for a revelation in your life and that you abandon this emotional choice that you have made. So long son, I love you,
Your father"

Oh and there's something in there about how he feels certain that my grandfather will probably write me out of his will and never want to speak with me again.  Because money is everything of course. Everyone say it with me now, "All praise the mighty dollar and keep the blind faith that keeps us safe at night from perverts and liberalism."

Incidentally, I ALREADY LEFT THE AREA AND AM WITH LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE! And if he wants me so badly to "come to my senses" then wouldn't you think he'd want me to come home and surround myself by people who think like he does? What a contradictory statement.

That's only like 1/9th of the total letter, the rest isn't much better, but that's the worst of it.  The rest just talks about how I've been led astray by liberal thinking and how terrible of a person I've become.  This is my decision to be this way, just like rapists and murders and gays decide to be the way they are (it's all the same in his eyes).  He says the next thing we're going to see in this country is the freedom for Adults to marry Children.  He's probably right (/sarcasm).  It's my lack of faith in God and the Bible that has ruined me and apparently I am weak-minded.

Sorry you have to deal with that kind of close-mindedness.  I know it hurts to lose family, but if they're toxic, then its usually for the best. Just move forward the best you can and try not to let that kind of thing affect you, even if it is from family.

Your dad sounds like a lot of fun. Mine won't talk to me either, so I decided that Henry Rollins is my dad!

Now that any hope for salvaging your relationship with him is off the table, why not show up at his door in skimpy clothing and give him a strip show? What about x-mas or other holidays? Does your family convene somewhere? If none of them like you, then you might as well show up to these events and make them super uncomfortable. Wear something totally slutty. Tell them about your planned SRS (regardless of whether or not you actually want it), and go into fine detail of the process. Oooh! Oooh! Christmas cards! Be creative with this one. You can do it. 

im sorry you've had to go through this. i know how it feels to lose a parent because of this and im so sorry you're dad isnt supportive like he should be. parents should love and support their children unconditionally and it makes me sad to know so many dont. *hugs*

Wow, if those truely are, your farthers words, he has to be the least religious person Ive ever heard of. (not sarcasme)

If I got that from my farther??? Id reply to it, are you going to reply?



this is how i would reply

Dear dad, I thank god I contacted you, It was my belief that sombody In my family was In dire need of support, I have however realised that this was gods will, Asumming I needed the help, I contacted you, who I though a reliable source of strength.

However, after taking time to read your letter I have realised that, the person needing help is also too influenced by the words of humanity. throughout the ages people of all types have come to realise how they once thought was wroge, this the bible also teaches us.

Im sorry gods lessons are lost on specific peoples in this world, But Ill do my best to show the truth to everybody I meet, Thank you so much for showing my the truth dad. As from this point on, I understand somtimes there are people who just dont want to listen and/or refuse to admit they have it wrong.

Thank you for helping me to understand I was wrong about you, But as you wish I will no longer contact you from this point on, your are in the hands of like minded people farther, when you find god you will think different, but untill then I bid you and your flat world goodbye.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, unfortunately religion has become a complete joke. It's all about violence, money and striking fear into people for not accepting "The ALMIGHTY LORDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD". Nobody needs hateful and negative people in their lives. Religion should be about being a good person, being who you are, and loving/accepting one another no matter their differences. You should be able to go to church every day to be uplifted and given hope that this world doesn't completely suck. Religion shouldn't be about devoting yourself to a God... it should be about devoting yourself to being the best person you can be to your fellow neighbors while you're still alive. 

If there is a hell I hope I'd be going there because clearly the people that are getting in to heaven are total jag-offs.
Just my opinion

Your father defines life by the standards he lives with and is unable to understand you. You also define life by your standards but you understand the standards by which your father lives. Who is the wiser of the two?? My money is on you.

I am sorry your father wasn't more accepting but you never know what the future will hold. Through the people who remain with you, stories will reach your father how this is the right thing for you and these stories may soften his heart. I hope that is the case.

Hugs, Tristan. It's awful when the people who should be giving you the most support end up being the most unhelpful.

I hope you can evict him from living rent free in your head. He doesn't deserve any angst you might have over that letter.

Quote from: suzifrommd on July 20, 2015, 11:44:34 AM

I hope you can evict him from living rent free in your head. He doesn't deserve any angst you might have over that letter.

Oh Suzi that is perfect advice for many of us to consider!  I would note too that we have seen dominant family characters like this before and they often assume too much authority by speaking for other family members who may just need some time to process this big news and recall your life together as meaningful and worthwhile. 
One of my many brothers has decided that i am possessed by the devil who seems to be fooling everyone into thinking I am a nice person.  There is always a way for those angry people to rationalize what they cannot or will not understand.

It is truly their loss and we trust you will keep on believing in yourself.

Hugs to you, and your dad is extremely misguided.

My dad doesn't talk to me either but he did not say a word to me. Probably another excuse for him to cut me out of his life.

I don't have any use for inheriting anyone's fortune. I will donate it to charity if I do get any inheritance. I am a self made woman. Picked up myself, dusted off myself when I was abandoned. NOBODY and I mean, NOBODY is going to dictate the terms of my life.

I know that hurts. I am glad you are here on Susan's and hope you know that you may consider us your family.

Uhh, I cannot imagine how much this hurts, hugs! When I see something like that I just feel anger and sadness that people have to endure such things.
In your father's little world built around some twisted version of his religion his thoughts are perfectly valid... I don't know what it would take to make him see how misguided and close minded he is but it may not worth the effort to try change his mind and as others said he does not even deserve your anger over this.
I hope these things will not wear you down and you can find the strength elsewhere to continue.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and creative solutions.    I'm glad to know that I am not the only one who feels his decisions are based in circular reasoning!  I can't even wrap my head around what he's saying or how to begin explaining how hypocritical he sounds.  It's like saying, the Earth is flat because I said so and I believe it is.  I have faith that the Earth is flat, so therefore it is.

/face
/hits
/desk
/over
/and
/over...

Anyways.  I spoke with my therapist this morning thankfully and was able to vent as needed.  I have decided that my dad's raving madness is like an octopus writhing about and waving his tentacles at me in attempt to convince me of his points.  Yeah, not gonna happen.  So I'm going to take that octopus and put it in a jar, shove all those tentacles inside, and place that jar on the shelf until further notice.

Believe it or not, it could be worse! My father belonged to one of those male only secret societies and that his God would reward him by having him and "the boys" harass me.  For 30 years.  I was afraid to make any friends, have children, or make any long term commitments.  Not once did he ever make any attempt to talk to me about it.  And I wasn't even open in public about it!  Being far away is your best defense and having a good life is the best revenge.

Oh my god, that reminds me, here's one of the best parts of the letter:

"The next time you are in the shower I want you to take a look at your body. Look closely at your hands and feet. Unless their (sic) doing hand and feet transplants, anyone who you meet will immediately know you are a man and not a women. People at work won't be as liberal minded as you have deluded yourself to believe either. You can expect to lose your job and finding another one, dressed as a women, will be a challenge. Your only hope is to move to someplace where people are as confused as you are. You can expect to go from relationship to relationship finding very little consolation from what you will soon realize you have lost. I've lived a little longer than you have and I can tell you that you are no more a girl in a man's body than I am a serial killer."

I don't know if I should laugh at him or cry for him.

Quote from: Tristan on July 20, 2015, 02:28:45 PM
Oh my god, that reminds me, here's one of the best parts of the letter:

"The next time you are in the shower I want you to take a look at your body. Look closely at your hands and feet. Unless their (sic) doing hand and feet transplants, anyone who you meet will immediately know you are a man and not a women. People at work won't be as liberal minded as you have deluded yourself to believe either. You can expect to lose your job and finding another one, dressed as a women, will be a challenge. Your only hope is to move to someplace where people are as confused as you are. You can expect to go from relationship to relationship finding very little consolation from what you will soon realize you have lost. I've lived a little longer than you have and I can tell you that you are no more a girl in a man's body than I am a serial killer."

I don't know if I should laugh at him or cry for him.

Ever think your father might be a serial killer?

Maybe it's my warped little mind, but I actually think my hands look a lot more feminine than they used to.    And hasn't he ever heard of shoes?  A new wedding band will do wonders for my hands though I'm sure too.

And yes, by his logic, I do think he might be a serial killer after all.  A serial killer of reason, logic, and sanity.

I'm so sorry you've had this horrible blow to your spirit.  You are a strong person for staying true to yourself despite having your own parent wish you were a different person.  Thanks for standing tall. You encourage with your strength and honesty

I can smell "vanity" in the letter..especially in the part where he's saying that you can contact him ONLY IF you admit that he is right,and you're wrong...Such attitude is immature.He doesn't want to test his beliefs...He loves imaginary child,he's afraid to get to know real you.
I can understand that parent has certain expectations..Family as a whole is based on mutual support but also sacrifices of SMALLER wishes...Transition is not one of them..He has daughter instead of son..so what?If you work hard,if you're responsible person,act in moral way and help others..never cheat or make profit on someone else's misery ..that means you're good person..you can only bring honor to your family.
If I were in such situation I would stay away(respect his wish because I'm mature person),I would change his belief by being good and happy..so other people will tell him how great daughter he has.

If I understood well,you'll have a baby.That's good news.Congrats!

Don't be angry at him.Give him some time.I was lucky,as my mother is rational person.Also my grandfather who was VERY patriarchal gave his best in order to understand my problem(I found underlined psychiatric books that he was reading)We rarely talked about it as he was proud,but he SECRETLY informed himself and I could see the progress.He was so happy when I got a son(although he has many greatgrandchildren).We were there for him,he played with my son even when he was bedridden and had numerous decubitus ulcers.That's family..good and bad..

Life is strange,maybe your father will get more care and support from you than other children...

Quote from: Tristan on July 20, 2015, 09:22:08 AM
the next thing we're going to see in this country is the freedom for Adults to marry Children.

Well, that IS allowed in the bible, isn't it?

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. At least he's so clear and open that you won't waste any time and energy playing games with him. You have your loving, growing family to focus on, you need to keep toxic influences away from your baby and be a better parent than your father is. Be grateful for having them.

Hugs!