Hi I'm Bobbie and my story while similar to many is a little different than most.
Since I was a child I knew that things weren't quite as they should be but unfortunately it was not just my birth gender.
When I was five my mother started physical, emotionally, and psychological abusing my siblings and I. We were taught that my father was a figure to be feared and that we were useless, stupid, and unlovable.
I loved playing dress-up with my sister, singing and playing make believe with her toys. It was about this time that my mother started trying to get me involved in more "masculine" play and activities.
When I was nine I was sexually abused and because the police could not press charges due to lack of evidence I can't say who did it. This went on for almost a year, whenever my father was away with the army, fortunately after that year he left the service and that abuse stopped.
However with my father home more often now he took it soon himself to get my brother and I fit so we could join up when we turned eighteen. Little did he know we would both be rejected, my brother for bipolar disorder and me for PTSD from the various abuses I survived.
Most of my adolescence was spent in depression and fatigue never having the energy to begin healing from my abuse or address my gender identity issues, I had started having negative body image thoughts. I hated that I was growing tall and broad, I was disgusted with the body and facial hair I was growing, and it crushed a part of me every time my father, brother or friends commented on my masculinity.
After highschool I drifted from job to job, wasted three years at university, dabbled in crossdressing and makeup buy never had the energy to keep it up, and finally last year achieved a Diploma of Software Development.
Immediately after that we found out my grandfather had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had months to live. As I had yet to find a job I came to Queensland to help my Nana take care of him.
Shortly after arriving here I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, a condition my specialists think I have had since childhood. After numerous tests I was provided with a cpap machine and after my first good nights sleep in decades I began to work through my issues.
It has been two months since my Grandad passed away, after seeing the efforts that his palliative care nurses put in to help him and Nana, the experience of helping him had a good quality of life in his last months, I decided that I wanted that nursing was something I could do and wanted to do, I had found purpose so I enrolled to study nursing.
I have stayed on in Queensland to become my Nana's carer.
In the last week I made up my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with out wearing a mask, I approached my go about transitioning. She has linked me in with a psychologist and has said if my mind is made up HRT would be an option. Just getting my feelings out in the open felt so relieving I cried.
I have told my Nana what I am planning and she said she would love and support me no matter what. I have also told some of my friends from South Australia, they were apparently unsurprised by my decision and very supportive of it.
The only thing that remains is to tell my father and siblings, I hope they take it as well.
Now that my Nana knows I can start putting together a proper wardrobe and finally get the shoes I want, I found a shoe store that is not far from where I live now that stocks shoes in my size and I found it difficult to get men's shoes.
I hope I get to know some other girls here on the Sunshine Coast and make some friends here at Susan's.
I'm so happy that I have finally be able to find myself and be accepted my those I care for.
