Another argument about hair for about 5th time this month. I was told I would "never be able to get a job with my hair, sorry, its a fact." . My dad also said "after 24 years of having short hair, I'd be real curious as to why you suddenly decided to grow your hair long (in a loud nasty tone). I'm sick of them breathing down my neck like this. If they cannot even accept slightly longish hair on someone presenting male, how can I ever expect them to accept me as their daughter?

I feel this exact same thing but in reverse. I have long hair that i want to cut short but whenever i bring it up they all collectively say my hair is so long and pretty and why would i want to cut it off and blah blah blah. I'm tempted to cut it myself...but probably not a good idea.

Anyway, thats a total lie about the not getting a job thing. I mean, yes, there would certainly be jobs where employees would have to be especially "groomed" and whatever to keep up appearances, but those jobs are slim. I think that growing out hair would be easier than cutting it short because hair grows out over a long period of time and maybe theyd be able to get used to it but getting it short in one go is a bigger shock. I don't know your parents so I don't know if they'd be able to get used to it but all i can say is that if you want to grow it out, do it!

Before I realize I was trans I always felt great when I let my hair grow.. My mother kept telling to cut it off and that I looked like a bum..   I cut it.off and felt completely depressed..... I then told myself I won't cut it off again and that I will only trim it.. Everyone said I looked like a "homeless man".... I cut off again...I then found out I was trans and this time I knew I wanted beautiful mid long hair.. Surprisingly people only compliment my hair especially girls.. (I haven't really told anyone besides my parents) my mom is now asking me why I don't like curly hair.. Haha just wanted to share my hair story..
I don't know your whole story or your family.. I can't really tell you much.. But what I do know is that having long hair doesn't make it hard to get employed.. Many jobs don't require you to be groomed like the stereotypical male. Unless you have uncared for crazy untamable hair that makes look like some crazy person then I wouldn't worry..

Ha ha it's almost exactly with me. My mom lately has been telling me to cut my hair EVERY f..in day.  She says that from the back it looks ugly etc (it covers my ears). Then I asked her how could it look better to witch she replied "I'm not a hairdresser,  I don't know" and "can't you have it like before,  short? ".
She also keeps telling me to  cut my nails because "what will people think of you at work" ( yeah mom you have been telling me the same thing since I was 11 years old).

It's going to be a battle that I am still having 33 years after surgery. I grew up with crew cuts and flat tops because my head was correctly shaped to wear those cuts. After couple of cut changes, I settled on a perm for my female look and wore it for many years. A short time ago I decided to let the perm grow out and go back to my naturally straight hair and the day of getting the last of my perm removed, my mom was present with my clip happy hair cutter. They picked the style and that was a big mistake. It was short on the sides and a few inches long on the top. My long face came back as the result of being scalped. I am now in the process of targeting a new longer style but about two months out from having enough length to  have a proper cut.
My mom said she still like the short cut better and that the cut I want isn't likely to look as good on me as the other cut but I am old enough to decide my hair cut so the longer style stays. I would rather go back to the perm than I would the shorter cut.
Moral of the story is don't let a clip happy cutter and you mother get together when deciding on a new cut.

My mother used to tell me she would catch me asleep and cut something off. If I was sleeping face down she'd cut off my hair, if I was sleeping face up she'd cut off my penis, it would be my choice.

If only she had gone through with it...

My mother has never had an issue with hair length, even before I transitioned. What she she doesn't approve is me dying my hair red. (I use henna that's not harsh.) She has this negative feeling when it comes to anyone with red hair. (Something in the line of the "Red Headed Step Child".) She's getting more used to is now, but that's the only thing she complains about. Surprising she likes how I do my makeup and that I was really surprised with because I used a light amount that looks natural and she uses heavy makeup.

Same crap again today. I am getting sick of this. When I have a job I will move, and because of their intolerance for even minor changes in my appearance, I will cut them out my life. I realize  my dad will try and manipulate me with offers to pay for school only if I cut my hair or whatever, but I cannot take their emotional abuse and blackmail for much longer. They are publicly normal relatively tolerant people, but cannot tolerate "different' or "weird" when it comes to me. Dear parents if you ever read, yes I am trans, yes I am a little weird, No I will not cut my hair for you, or fall for that  B.S. piece of emotional blackmail you have been throwing at me since Thursday asking me what grandma would think. I will move out and cut you and your family out of my life before I stop transitioning. Your attitude so far has confirmed my fears about coming out to you. Living in the closet is horrible, it is depressing, it causes more anxiety than I already have, it contributes to my drinking that you hate so much. If you wonder why I say that I hate living here and why I hate you, this it. please do not think I am a very forgiving person either, you may not know it yet, but your latest session of shouting at me and grilling me about why my hair is "long" has ensured that things will never be the same again. In therapy we spend a lot of time discussing the tensions between us. I realize that I create a lot my own problems, but you also create a tremendous amount of pain in my life when I cannot be sure if I will have a home when you find out or if I will have a home here but be subject to constant shouting, questioning, and put-downs, all while telling me how much they love me and want the best for me. With the nearly constant trickle of put-downs and "advice" and dad's temper, I do not feel safe right now. Dear parents, if you cannot accept or merely tolerate me, you should have never had children, it was a horrible mistake on your part, and just as you are ashamed of me, I am ashamed of you for choosing to have me. If you can ever find it in either of you to be more open minded, we can talk, I know a guy at PFLAG (Parents and Friends of lesbians and Gays), who can help facilitate a discussion, but things will never be the same, there is no more trust, and I will never look to you for emotional support. Finding emotional support elsewhere has helped me curb my drinking more than any amount of shouting, threats, or other expressions of anger from you ever has. If you are worried about me, you can know that things are getting better for trans people, it is not your's or any ones fault that I am trans, just as it is no ones fault that someone is gay, I did not hate a lot of childhood, and you should also know that I feel like I could have a relatively normal life (okay, being trans is infrequent, but not necessary bad) if I didn't have to live in a closet. I feel better about myself and I am more outgoing and pro-social, when you are not around and I can be myself. I have endured insults and questions about being gay in middle and high school (I wasn't actually gay, but I knew I was different and didn't have the words or means to express it). In college, I kept my cross-dressing private and my dirty little secret, about 2 years ago, I realized it was something more, but couldn't do anything about it until i had a job. By this time i found the words for it and began seeing a therapist, purchased women's clothing, and makeup, and even started some electrolysis (a very painful hair removal process, that trans women undergo, that men probably couldn't tolerate for one session). I have been insulted and even had a threats directed at me once, but none of that compares to emotional abuse you have heaped on me lately on an increasingly frequent basis. I will not stop transitioning because of it or any other threats of withholding support that you might direct at me. The end result of this will be that your child will want nothing to do with you. You can choose to tolerate me and we can work things out with my therapist and a group like PFLAG or we can separate and never see or hear from each other again. It is your choice. You can choose to have a daughter that has some the characteristics of your son, or you can choose to not have me be a part of your life at all.

Hugs, Rachel. Having to fight battles with your parents makes being trans that much harder.

The good thing is that you recognize their treatment of you for what it is and won't accept it. Being in a strong place like that helps.

I've had long hair since I was 16. It may have presented me with some problems in getting a job, but I've had 2 full time jobs now. Since graduating college, I've only been unemployed for 6 months all of which were back in 2010.

update: so I've talked with PFLAG about how to come out. In my case, they recommended involving a therapist. So basically, i will come out in a therapists office. Apparently its better than my plan of telling them and running away if they don't like it. I am still angry with my parents for the treatment they gave me last night, and it would probably be best to involve a professional at this point.

Quote from: rachel89 on August 03, 2015, 06:58:12 PM
update: so I've talked with PFLAG about how to come out. In my case, they recommended involving a therapist. So basically, i will come out in a therapists office. Apparently its better than my plan of telling them and running away if they don't like it. I am still angry with my parents for the treatment they gave me last night, and it would probably be best to involve a professional at this point.

At one point I wanted to tell my Dad by rolling down my car window, saying it, then speeding off. [emoji6]
I didn't do it that way, but I really really wanted to for a while. IMO if you simply and calmly tell them "no thx" and walk away to another room without it becoming a thing, they might respond better. I definitely noticed a lot more pushback from people trying no to set me straight with good intentions. As long as you are clear that they are welcome to make different choices, but you are your own person and would appreciate their respecting your choice to grow your hair out.
If all else fails, you can tell them a girl you like prefers you with longer hair. They'll jump to conclusions that allow them to anticipate stuff, and you don't have to elucidate that the girl you're talking about is yourself. Not until you find the right therapist, time and place to come out to them.
If your dad still won't budge, compromise by getting him to monetize each inch of the length you reduce it by. That way you can choose how much financial support you get from him. Then just scarf a lot of biotin [emoji6]


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from Katie's iPad using Tapatalk

Quote from: rachel89 on August 03, 2015, 06:58:12 PM
update: so I've talked with PFLAG about how to come out. In my case, they recommended involving a therapist. So basically, i will come out in a therapists office. Apparently its better than my plan of telling them and running away if they don't like it. I am still angry with my parents for the treatment they gave me last night, and it would probably be best to involve a professional at this point.

There's no going back when you burn your bridges, if your parents don't react well just consider giving them some time. How much time? Your call.

I love my hair... I always had to have buzz cuts as a kid. Ever since then I always had it long, it's currently halfway down my back. If I straighten my hair people say I look like Sabastian Bach and if I just let it go all sloppy and messy everyone still loves it. Every time I go out someone says "wow! look at his hair! it's gorgeous!"

mmmmHm

Just an update: This thread is out of date (at least for now) because I am out to my parents and they have been reasonable considering how big of a deal being trans is, but thanks for your support, and you can leave it up for anyone else who is having hair issues with parents.